posted
This will be the first thirteen lines of it, as seen in my Word Pad. If you want, email me and I'll send you the whole thing. Hope you like it.
Peace~
Not many people get what they wish for. And when they do, it's often to their disadvantage. A wish is not something to be trifled with--to be misused in any way shape or form--and unfourtunatly, that is something people can't seem to understand.
I am a wish granter. People who find me get what they wish for. I can't tell you how many times I've watched a human do something beyond them. I can't tell you how many failures I've witnessed or how many people have died. All I can say is that I can not disobey what a person wishes. If they want something, they get it, regardless of the thought put into the matter or the things that lead to it.
Once more, I find myself confronting someone about a wish made. . .
[This message has been edited by MotherSky (edited July 14, 2007).]
[This message has been edited by MotherSky (edited July 14, 2007).]
Sounds interesting. From what I saw of the first 13, I think "I am a wish granter" would have made a more grabbing first line, with the remainder worked together, perhaps condensed slightly, coming after.
posted
I know that all issues can not be resolved in the first 13, but "...I can not disobey what a person wishes. If they want something, they get it...." begs questions, such as:
What if: --the seeker wishes to void all past wishes for all past seekers? --the seeker wishes to trade roles with the Wish Maker? (Would that create an endless loop of trading places?) --the seeker wishes the Wish Maker to die a horrible death? --the seeker wishes for faster-than-light travel? --stuff like that?
OK, I'm over-analyzing and I'm sure you'll have rules later on, but the blanket statement is a little distracting.
posted
Okay, this has a clear point of view and element of fantasy. I'm hooked and would like to read it. One thing editors want, and we here would like, is an approximate word count. How much work am I in for here?
Just a couple of points about the text:
"do something beyond themselves" "disobey a person's wishes"
I'll also echo WouldBe about the paradox possibilities of taking wishes literally and absolutely.
posted
Keep in mind that there are already hundreds of stories about wishes. I've even published one myself, "The Third Wish", in Clarion II. So you've got to have a really great original twist. Posts: 557 | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
I think your story really gets interesting right here--> I can't tell you how many failures I've witnessed or how many people have died.--why not start there?
but shoot, why not give us a couple of quick specific examples of failures. I think that would be more interesting. Off the top of my head, "My last master drove his rocket taxi into a cliff. Four masters ago drown in his sea of gold coins." My edit-->(But what can I do? I can not disobey what a person wishes.) If they want something, they get it, regardless of the thought put into the matter or the things that lead to it.
posted
Thank you all for submitting your comments and thoughts on the first few lines. For those of you who would like to read the whole thing, please send an email to me via MotherSky.Webmaster@gmail.com
For those of you who would like a word count, this is a very short story at 923 words. It isn't much, but I hope it packs a punch.
You can send it to those who offer using the email icon in our posts. On the line beside the posting date are three icons. The middle one is an envelope if there is an email address in the member's profile. Just click on the envelope to send mail.
posted
May I offer my first reactions (or is it too late in general to offer comments on your first 13)?
"I am a wish granter. My name is Robert the wish granter. I design, arrange, and sell wishes."
Sometimes simply stating what a person does is good but in this case it made me think of an old movie line. Perhaps a more dynamic job title might help give things a bit more kick? "Granting wishes is my business," "I make wishes a reality," or something like that.
First reaction aside, it seems quite an interesting opening but possibly a bit too passive. Why can't the narrator tell us how many times he watched humans do something beyond them (a vague sentence in itself; are they wishing for something beyond them, wishing to do something beyond them, doing something beyond themselves in order to get a wish, etc)? Why can't he tell us how many failures he has witnessed and how many people have died? This implies that something is preventing him from revealing the information, making him a passive participate in the knowledge. Perhaps he would "rather not" tell us about the failures or perhaps he "will not" tell us about the deaths because of reason X. However, the line "All I can say is that..." implies he is, in truth, under outside influence. Could he at least tell us what sort of influence it preventing him from telling us (or, if not in the first 13, possibly something to keep in mind for the rest of the story)?
All in all, it sounds quite interesting (and writing a story in less than 1000 words is rather amazing).
posted
Thank you all. After I receive Snorri's commentary, I will edit as needed. And, for those who asked. . .no, I do not have a nice word processor yet (I have a brand new computer). I am working on that, heh. Believe me, it was agonizing without one. Word pad is disgusting, but it gets the job done. Thank you for your comments!
posted
If money is a concern, download OpenOffice. Its conversions to and from Microsoft Word format (which seems to dominate) is pretty good, and the product is completely free.
Posts: 671 | Registered: May 2006
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posted
I'll admit that the premise is pretty interesting and would definately like to read more, especially since its so short. Could you send it to my email as well?
posted
My e-mail link works for me and for others, don't know why it didn't work for you. In any case, my e-mail is f.norwood@att.net
Posts: 557 | Registered: Jun 2007
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posted
Rick, Kokichi, and Snorri: It has been sent to you. I hope you enjoy it. Thank you for showing the interest. I can't wait to receive your comments! ^.^
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