posted
Just thought while I was here I might as well post the first 13 of the second example, now the main character is called Grant because the assignment was to turn your life story into a peice of fiction, in Fool it was Medieval Fantasy, in Prodigy it is thriller, once again just wondering if you would turn the page:
"Grant turned the engine off and listened to the silence. He smiled, sitting in his own car, in his own garage, this time last year he had been living at his parent’s house, going to Shepparton from ‘home’ now Shepparton was home.
He opened the car door and grabbed his overnight bag from the passenger seat, he swung it over his shoulder and headed for the front door. Technically it was the back door but it was the door everyone came through.
He already had his keys in his hands, no use putting them away for the short walk across the grass; he opened the wire door… Grant stopped, staring into his kitchen. His door was wide open. Three thoughts entered his mind, one – he had forgotten to close it when he left two weeks ago, but because of the closed"
posted
As with "Fool", my biggest barrier to continuing on is the grammar. I might turn this page, but there are enough things like this in the world that it's just as likely that I wouldn't.
Posts: 671 | Registered: May 2006
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posted
"Grant stopped, staring into his kitchen." Good - in my opinion this is where your story starts. What goes before is not of much interest - and I think not needed information. Get us into the story first, hook us with something dramatic/critical then worry about filling in details.
Posts: 409 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
I agree with above posters - the open door is the moment the story starts. Also, watch out for unnecessary details (I'm not sure we need to know precisely why he keeps his keys out. And it's confusing to call the back door the front door. Just say he went through the back door, like always). Posts: 30 | Registered: Aug 2007
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