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When it is upon you[,] an interstellar ship is an imposing mass for sure. But in the vast starlit vaults of space[,] it is as small as a molecule of water in an infinite ocean. [So minuscule in fact, that it is a colossal understatement to say it is easily missed. Indeed it is far more accurate to say it is near impossible to find.<--I got it with as small a molecule of water, the rest is overkill.] Occasionally though, given enough time, the odds can narrow to the point of collision.<--[Eh? Except for the first sentence, this sounds like an info-dump.]
For [two hundred eighty three<--[Hyphenate] years the Salacia[What is this?] drifted far from the old covert trade routes. For a hundred of those years her warm yellow perimeter lights blinked silently as she strayed through the deep cold of the Halius void. She had no beacon, for her long dead crew had been men of stealthy capers[,] who had no desire to be a blip on official grid. Her engines [were] now quiet and bereft of spark [from an age of disuse<--needed?].

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1) The first paragraph seems totally unnecessary. It doesn't do anything to progress the story.

2) Omniscient short stories are harder to immerse in. I see no character to follow into the story, no PoV to experience it from. I suggest brining us into this from your protagonist's PoV.

3) Without any protagonist, I don't have a sense of impending conflict, which--as you know--is the key to hooking the reader.

I like the images that the second paragraph invokes. If it was a novel-length story, I'd read on.

quote:

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When it is upon you an interstellar ship is an imposing mass for sure. But in the vast starlit vaults of space it is as small as a molecule of water in an infinite ocean.

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quote:

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So minuscule in fact, that it is a colossal understatement to say it is easily missed. Indeed it is far more accurate to say it is near impossible to find.

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quote:

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Occasionally though, given enough time, the odds can narrow to the point of collision.

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quote:

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For two hundred eighty three years the Salacia drifted far from the old covert trade routes. For a hundred of those years her warm yellow perimeter lights blinked silently as she strayed through the deep cold of the Halius void. She had no beacon, for her long dead crew had been men of stealthy capers who had no desire to be a blip on official grid. Her engines now quiet and bereft of spark from an age of disuse.

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Here is my quick edit of your first 13.

quote:

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For two hundred eighty three years the Salacia drifted in space, far from the old covert trade routes. For a hundred of those years her warm yellow perimeter lights blinked silently as she strayed through the deep cold of the Halius void. She had no beacon, for her long dead crew had been men of stealthy capers who had no desire to be a blip on official grid. Her engines now quiet and bereft of spark from an age of disuse.

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quote:

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When it is upon you an interstellar ship is an imposing mass for sure.

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At the very least, insert coma after "you". Even then, it's a clunkyish phrase.

quote:

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But in the vast starlit vaults of space it is as small as a molecule of water in an infinite ocean.

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I'm not sure I can picture "vast starlit vaults". I get the idea, because I know what Space is like, not because the description is specially helpful.

quote:

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Her engines now quiet and bereft of spark from an age of disuse.

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So the first paragraph would appear in italics above the main text. Sorry about the grammar, its just a rough draft and I should have tidied it up first.

Tracy

For me there's a problem with the first para, or prologue. The first few sentences establish the idea that an interstellar ship, despite its huge size, is unlikely to be found if it's drifting in the vastness of space. The last sentence contradicts this impression by saying, in effect, that despite the odds it's going to be discovered.

It sounds like the story will start with the accidental discovery of the Salacia. (And maybe this is where the first 13 should start.) I know this is an unlikely event and (as with several other SF stories I've read) I'll willingly suspend disbelief to let the story commence. But if the start of the story emphasizes just how unlikely this is, I'm reluctant to suspend disbelief unless there's a really, really good reason for the coincidence. So, if it doesn't matter to the story, I'd just create the image of this hulk drifting in the vastness of space without emphasising the unlikeliness of it being discovered.

I wondered what a covert trading route might be: for me, trading routes are well known to all, and not covert. I don't know why, but "men of stealthy capers" is an odd-sounding phrase to me.

"For a hundred of those years her warm yellow perimeter lights blinked silently " I wondered which hundred years (the first hundred?) and what they were doing the rest of the time (failed after a hundred years?). Also, in space, they'd necessarily be silent so maybe 'silently' is redundant.

And a nit: "When it is upon you" was a jarring opening for me. "When what is upon me?" I wondered. When I realised it was an interstellar ship, my immediate reaction was, "How and why would a ship be upon me?" I had this crazy image of a massive ship sitting on me. I'd suggest something like, "An interstellar starship is an imposing mass when you're up close 'n personal to it."

I don't mind that it starts out vague. There's an interstellar ship with a dead crew that has been floating in deep space and it is about to be discovered. That's enough for me (for the first 13 lines, at least...).

So, I like theadx and Jon's suggestions.

Collapse the first few sentences, but I'd use "through space".
Condense the "impending discovery" bit from the first paragraph and then tack onto the end, like Antinomy suggested. I think that this idea is important to the hook, like Jon suggested.

I think that this idea has a lot of possibility. How long is it? What sub-genre? Mystery? Horror(a-la aliens)?