At first there was only the motion. Just an abstract sensation of raw kinetics. The only thing Romeo Rex remembered was that he existed. He was surrounded by nothing but a black, endless void. It was like being in a sensory deprivation chamber the size of the universe. While still straddling the event horizon between consciousness and unconsciousness, time and space formed suddenly around him, with a tremendous but silent jolt. Stars appeared like tiny blossoming flowers and shined their wan light over his body. He had been completely shaven, from head to pubes, and everywhere else, for aerodynamic purposes. His hands were bound behind his back and his feet were fettered to one another. A ball gag had been placed inside his mouth,
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited July 19, 2008).]
Properly formatted this comes out to be about 21 lines, not 13. I think that there is a post around here mentioning the proper format for measuring your 'First 13' but I don't know where its at so I'll rehash the basics. You should measure your first 13 lines of text after setting the font to either Courier New or Times New Roman (Courier New seems to be more popular these days.) the font size should be set to 12.
As far as your beginning goes... I've quoted only the true 'First 13'.
quote:At first there was only the motion. Just an abstract sensation of raw kinetics. The only thing Romeo Rex remembered was that he existed. He was surrounded by nothing but a black, endless void. It was like being in a sensory deprivation chamber the size of the universe. While still straddling the event horizon [Is this the right phrase? I'm not sure.] between consciousness and unconsciousness, time and space formed suddenly around him[, comma isn't needed] with a tremendous but silent jolt. Stars appeared like tiny blossoming flowers and shined their wan light over his body. He had been completely shaven, from head to pubes [Depending on your PoV pubes probably doesn't work here.], and everywhere else, for aerodynamic purposes. His hands were bound behind his back and his feet were fettered to one another. A ball gag had been placed inside his mouth, held tightly in place by a garrote-like strap.
Your voice is pretty good. Positive and strong. I dont' really feel a hook within these lines although your full post gets at some sort of punishment. Perhaps you can try to get that into the first 13 and provide a better 'hook'.
Also, you mention trajectory where I think you are looking for a word that means speed. A trajectory is a a measurement of angle of approach, I believe.
A good start.
Anthony
[This message has been edited by AWSullivan (edited July 19, 2008).]
posted
With no line spaces, 13 lines will fill the reply box. You can put the spaces in after, but that's the easiest way to measure it.
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