Dr. Andrew Halifast had prided himself as always being able to maintain his professionalism. Years as a psychologist specializing in family conflict taught him to be understanding and patient. Drew’s clients usually came in with the same basic problem, they had a rational for doing what they did, not willing to admit they did anything really wrong. It often took time, but he could find a way to let them see the light. It was just a matter of talking them out of their reasoning and having the patience for them to come around.

Second version

Dr. Andrew Halifast prided himself as always being able to maintain his professionalism.
Lester Greensome proved that there were limits to even his deep well of patience. “God gave her cancer for breaking our vows.”
Drew chewed on his inner cheek. His eyes narrowed at the self-righteous man sitting across from him. Lester’s had trouble accepting his wife wish of a separation. Lester had a unique way of dealing with it. “Why would god wish a painful disease on your ex-wife? Would he not seek pity on her if she were unhappy with her life?"
Lester straightened his back and glared at Drew with disapproval. “She vowed to honor me. She made that promise in front of God at the altar. She lied to God. He is punishing her because of it.”

Not a bad start but I think it could probably be trimmed up a bit.

Here are some inline comments.

quote:

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Dr. Andrew Halifast had prided himself as always being able to maintain his professionalism. Years as a psychologist specializing in family conflict taught him to be understanding and patient. Drew’s [The use of a different name here threw me. Perhaps because it was so early.] clients usually came in with the same basic problem, they had a rational for doing what they did, not willing to admit they did anything really wrong. [This sentence could probably be split up.] It often took time, but he could find a way to let them see the light. It was just a matter of talking them out of their reasoning and having the patience for them to come around.
Lester Greensome proved that there were limits to even his deep well of patience.
“God gave her cancer for breaking our vows.”

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Anthony

Dr. Andrew Halifast prided himself as always being able to maintain his professionalism.
Lester Greensome proved that there were limits to even this deep well of patience. “God gave her cancer for breaking our vows.”
Drew chewed on his inner cheek. His eyes narrowed at the self-righteous man sitting across from him. Lester had trouble accepting his wife wish of a separation and Lester had a unique way of dealing with it. “Why would God wish a painful disease on your ex-wife? Would he not pity her if she were unhappy with her life?"
Lester straightened his back and glared at Andrew with disapproval. “She vowed to honor me. She made that promise in front of God at the altar. She lied to God. He is punishing her because of it.”

quote:

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*(Using the name 'Drew' suggests a friendship not a professional relationship, perhaps use Andrew or use the Doctor or something to show that they're not on a nickname basis).

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A very good point, but this scene with Lester is brief. The POV in this story is exclusively Andrews, so I am writing it as how he would think of himself. 'Andrew' sounds combersome, 'Andy' doesn't fit for a doctor. Am I being silly for thinking this?

Some thoughts:

1. You start with "Dr. Andrew Halifast prided himself as always being able to maintain his professionalism." The "as" throws me - should it be an "on"? I may just be crazy.

2. I agree with Anthony that you need to pick a name for the Doc - I assume "Drew" is your viewpoint character, so I would stick with it and drop the "Andrew" in the first sentence.

In "How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy" OSC points out in his breakdown of the first sentence of Octavia Butler's Wild Seed that the name given to the POV character in the prose is the name the POV character uses to think of himself/herself. I understand you want the "formal effect" of the full name in line 1, but I think it's distracting.

Alternatively, he may think of himself as "Andrew" or "Dr. Halifast" while in the office, and "Drew" when he's not with a patient. That's a subtle shift in the POV, but could give powerful insight into the character if consistently done. Of course, I don't know if you have any scenes outside the office, or if that vehicle would even work.

3. "Lester’s had trouble accepting his wife wish of a separation." I think your 's is in the wrong place.

4. The first line of dialog from Lester is a good one. I recommend finishing it off with something visual. The response from Dr. Halifast, however, turns me off.

"Why would god wish a painful disease on your ex-wife? Would he not seek pity on her if she were unhappy with her life?"

The "Would he not" is leaning towards purple, and I can't imagine a shrink using it (not that I have much experience with shrinks), especially with someone with Lester, who instantly comes across as one of the duller knives in the drawer. (I also don't know what "seek pity on her" means") You're not going to succeed at making Drew come across as intellectual or philosophical by giving him arcane-sounding dialog.

My limited understanding of shrinks is that, when they get a response like that, they ask something more along the lines of "Why do you think god would do something like that, Lester?" (did you use lower case 'g' with Drew intentionally? It sets out certain expectations)

Dr. Halifax using Lester's name establishes something about their relationship tothe reader. If Lester then responds with: "She vowed to honor me, Dr. Halifax," then we get the other side of it. Just a thought.