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The scent of smoke was fading from Tirel’s clothes, but the screams were still as loud as ever in his ears. The Vengal were back there, still on his trail. They called to him in the few moments of fitful sleep he was able to grab when exhaustion overtook him. -Why does it run from us? It cannot escape.- The words spurred him on, forced him to fight through the burning in his lungs, the heaviness in his legs.
“Wicked spirits! Leave me be!” Tirel screamed into the forest behind him. What was the use of trying to be quiet? He saw them under every bush, behind every tree. He heard them with the snap of every twig. Their steps moved in time with the pounding of his heart. -Stay and let us catch it. It can join it’s family again.-

*note* I used dashes only because I wasn't sure how to get italics to show...

[This message has been edited by Bycin (edited January 09, 2009).]

They called to him in the few moments of fitful sleep he was able to grab when exhaustion overtook him. -Why does it run from us? It cannot escape.- The words spurred him on, forced him to fight through the burning in his lungs, the heaviness in his legs. I had a bit of a problem with this part. So they call to him in his sleep? But they are asking each other questions, not calling to him. And why do they only talk while he's trying to sleep?

Apart from those small points I quite enjoyed this opening. I think you have a good hook and it seems a good place to start the story. Good luck with it!

To get italics to show put [i] before the part you want italicizing and the same at the end, just with a / before the i.

The Vengal are a somewhat primitive, cannibalistic tribe led by mystics with the ability to enter the dreams of their prey. They have a semi-collective mentality (think of the tribe as one being, but each individual is separate) and consider themselves apart from the other humans of the world. The "it" and "us" are how they refer to both their prey and themselves. This (I hope) is made clear not soon after they opening, but I can definitely see now how it could be confusing.

I'll have to think of a way to restructure so I don't leave people wondering.

Also the few moments, took me out of the read. If you lost it might read stronger. "They called to him in the fitful sleep he grabbed when exhaustion finally claimed him.

I am not a large fan of dialogue tags so the screamed doesnt fit my eyes. I would sugget trying a beat. Tirel spun towards the forest behind him. "Wicked..."

Woohoo! I got it to work! Excellent. I couldn't figure it out either. I guess this works for bold and quote, too? Thanks, monstewer.

The scent of smoke was fading from Tirel’s clothes, but the screams continued to echo in his ears. The Vengal were still back there, still on his trail. They called to him during the fitful sleep he was only able to grab when exhaustion overtook him. Why does it run from us? It cannot escape. The voice in his head spurred him on, forced him to fight through the burning in his lungs, the heaviness in his legs.
“Wicked spirits! Leave me be!” Tirel’s voice was ragged as it was swallowed by the forest. What was the use of trying to be quiet? He saw them under every bush, behind every tree. He heard them with the snap of every twig. Their steps moved in time with the pounding of his heart. Stay and let us catch it. It can join it’s family again. He stopped and leaned against the trunk of an old