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I posted this one once before, but recieved only one crit. I have since recieved a somewhat encouraging rejection letter (See Below) and wanted to review it. I will warn there are some graphic and disturbing images so for those not into horror, I will understand your passing on it, but a few readers would be greatly appreciated.
It was not the third unsettling chime of the grandfather clock which made me realize the futility of attempting sleep. It was the endless screams of the twins. “We don’t want to lift the chair! We want to PLAY!” They had been screaming all night in unison. So synchronized, in fact, that their voices couldn’t be distinguished from each other. They must have shown father something new regarding their abilities. He could be relentless with his research when progress was being made. I rolled out of bed, grabbed the battery from its charger and slid it into the slot in Charlie’s back. His eyes blinked, then opened. “Happy Birthday, Frank.” His vocalizer must have startled a roach; it crawled out from Charlie’s mouth and scurried down his chest.
quote:Dear Scott,
Many thanks for submitting 'Charging Up Charlie' for consideration byThe Future Fire. Our referees have read your story and based on theirreports we have decided not to take it for publication. This was a nicely written story, with tension and feeling and aconvincing main character (even if everyone else was rather faceless).In some ways it reminded me of 'Edward Bear and the Very Long Walk' byKen Scholes--and I mean that not only on the superficial level thatboth stories feature an animatronic teddy bear, but also because ofthe emotionally mature handling of childhood feelings and experiences.A very successful story overall but ultimately, we decided, not one that quite fits with the social/political/progressive focus we are looking for in TFF at the moment. I have no doubt that you'll find another venue to publish this excellent piece. Thanks again for thinking of us with this story, and I very much hope that you'll send us more of your work in the future.
Very best regards, Djibril Editor, The Future Fire
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I got a similar one from them once. I think there focus is very very specific and particular, but its nice that they let you know that thats basically the main reason they don't accept a lot of stuff.
If you want to send it to me again you can although it may take me a while this time.
I've critted this before haven't I? I'll tackle this again in about a week if you want (I've got a bunch to get through this week). I don't know if I could add anything new though.
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Hey Scott, Glad to see you back and in force again. Missed having you around. I am not a huge horror fan, but would be glad to take a look at it. Send it my way. Posts: 1168 | Registered: Mar 2008
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Hey there Bent Tree. In these first thirteen, I honestly don't see what could be changed. Your writing is beyond my own, and as a reader, I have no objections to anything. It hooked, and made me want to read more.
In the next week or so I could probably take a look at the entire story, though if its as good as the first thirteen, I don't know how much I could add.
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Hey BentTree, If you're still looking for eyes I should have some time next week. so far, I only have one critique in my que, and I should be finished with that next weekend. I have to say, I really liked the first 13. I thought Charlie was a robot (but the letter from TFF let's me know better) and I thought the twins were telekinetics. I hope to find out for sure soon. I'm a sucker for any sort of ESP/psychic talent stories
Posts: 135 | Registered: Feb 2008
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Hey Bent Tree, the first 13 were very promising and if you need another critique I'd be happy to give you my two cents.
Posts: 41 | Registered: Jan 2009
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