posted
Another "Rhinoplasty" series flash// first 13 lines//hooky at all? ver 1
quote: Fifteen years after Dodge died Air Commodore (AC) Shoji Takahashi walked alone at her crash site. She had saved his life and lost her own in the process. He tromped through the overgrown vegetation, ducking under lianas. The forest had quickly healed the burned area and regrew. Without a GPS fix the crash site would have been impossible to find. A blackened metal plate stuck out of the ground. On it was a seared decal of a unicorn with the words “Dodge” under it. So, this is it then. Shoji sat down on the ground next to it and opened up the bottle of Old Beastie. He poured some out onto the metal. “Here's to you Dodge. Fifteen years it's been. Seventeen since I was banished to this hell-hole.” He tilted back the bottle and took a swig.
[This message has been edited by honu (edited February 11, 2009).]
posted
I was very confused by the first line, was Takhashi a woman? was he a man, was he a ship, was Dodge a ship?
Then I realized it was me who was confused not the writing. Anyhow, how to avoid confusing dunder heads like me you could italicize Dodge--if it is indeed a ship--and use a word other than 'died'. As it is calling ships a 'her' can be confusing enough.
posted
sorry Pat...that's a problem with a series....Dodge was Takahashi's friend, wing mate and lover...the unicorn and name was a decal left on her crashed ship...i.e. think mascot decal like WW2 or more recent....
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