This is a story written for a challenge on this site, and now I'd like to get it submitteed. Current word count is around 920, so I'm definitely looking for readers of the whole thing. It's a quick read!

And I'd like a vote: Keep the 'sang' or replace/omit it?

Thanks so much!

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newest version:

Kelsey sprinted across the room, nearly tripping several cardboard boxes in her haste to answer the phone. “Kelsey Adams, future Los Angeles businesswoman,” she sang.
“Ms. Adams, this is Morrison from accounting.”
“Oh, hello,” Kelsey said. Her fingers tightened on the receiver. What possible reason could her new company have to call her at home?
“I have some bad news. It seems that we cannot bring you to Los Angeles after all.”
Kelsey choked out a laugh. “You mean, my move is delayed?”
“No, Ms. Adams.” Morrison sounded brisk, almost bored. “The company has declared bankruptcy, and as a part of our restructuring plan, we have to terminate all new hires.”

first:
Kelsey sprinted across the room, nearly tripping several cardboard boxes in her haste to answer the phone. “Kelsey Adams, future Los Angeles businesswoman,” she sang.
“Ms. Adams, this is Morrison from accounting.”
“Oh, hello,” Kelsey said. Her fingers tightened on the receiver. What possible reason could her new company have to call her at home?
“I have some bad news. It seems that we cannot bring you to Los Angeles after all.”
Kelsey choked out a laugh. “You mean, my move is delayed?”
“No, Ms. Adams.” Morrison sounded brisk, almost bored. “The person whose job you were taking has decided not to quit after all."

One thing though, is it realistic for this sort of thing to happen in real life at all? If someone had gone so far in quitting that they had given their two weeks notice, and the company had actually gone so far as to hire a replacement, I don't think the company would be pleased at all that the first person changed their mind.

I would think it far more likely that the company would say, "What? You want your job BACK?" and then boot him or her to the curb without so much as a christmas bonus. Especially since I'm pretty sure that you can sue a company for libel if they hire you and then go back on a that contract before she starts(assuming she had gotten as far as to sign a contract, that is). And If she hadn't signed a contract yet, then why would she be packing? I wouldn't dare relocate for a job unless I actually had signed the contract saying I was hired first. I had thought that was common practice...?

Other than that, my heart goes out to the woman. But it doesn't seem to be going in a direction that's my cup of tea.

There is that risk that economy stories are becoming cliche, but it avoids the problem TheHopper points out. If the company hires nobody for the job, there isn't a legal complaint even if Kelsey has been hired--she just got laid off. If they hire anyone, even the former employee, the company would be faced with an issue.

quote:

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Especially since I'm pretty sure that you can sue a company for libel if they hire you and then go back on a that contract before she starts(assuming she had gotten as far as to sign a contract, that is). And If she hadn't signed a contract yet, then why would she be packing? I wouldn't dare relocate for a job unless I actually had signed the contract saying I was hired first. I had thought that was common practice...?

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Well, it certainly wouldn't be libel (which is a form of defamation, like slander. Slander is spoken; libel is written.). If there were a contract involved, there might be some form of breach of contract. However, most employment, at least where I come from (Los Angeles), is at will, which means either party can terminate at any time. You are not legally required to give notice, although it's good practice.

As for taking the previous employee back, that would depend on who they were, how valuable they were to the company, and why they were leaving. If it was the boss' daughter who changed her mind . . . . Or, if the employee was taking a promotion that is no longer available, they would likely get first chance of keeping their old job. The employee is a known quantity. The new-hire isn't.

A couple of things in the opening.

Would it be someone from accounting to let her know her job is no longer available? That's a job for personal.

The first drafts, retiring person she is replacing changing their minds, as opposed to a bankruptcy, works better. Makes it more cold, which is best for the theme you are after. However a colder explanation would be a simple open ended 'cut backs'. Makes the excuse a corporate number crunching one and elminates any compassion her expected employer could have had.