Version 1:

Silvery moonlight shone brighter than he cared for, but they could do nothing about it without magical aid. Asrone looked behind him along the road and adjusted the sleeves of his robe. A shiver, slight, but telling wracked his slight frame. They should have been gone from here already.
“I can feel magic here, Oren, but I don’t think I can sense the stronger wards,” Asrone told him as he stepped into the cramped dark common area of the cabin. Oren was already searching the unkempt table, trying not to knock over the unlit lamp sitting there. Asrone rooted around the shelves, shifting crooked books only slightly. They were to leave no evidence that they had been there. Asrone cast a cursory glance at the unwashed crockery on the countertop and dismissed it.

Revised:

Asrone bounced anxiously from one foot to the other as he waited at the edge of the road for Oren to get the door open. The moon shone brighter than he cared for, but nothing could be done about it without magical aid. Asrone looked along the road towards town silently begging for the thief to hurry. A shiver, not from the evening chill wracked his slight frame.
“We need to hurry, Oren. I can feel magic here and who knows when that old wizard will return,” Asrone said, stepping into the cramped dark cabin. Oren went to search the untidy table. Asrone rooted around the shelves, shifting crooked books only slightly, not wanting to leave any evidence of their presence.
“Just tell me if I’m about to stick my hand into anything that’ll burn it off.”

Like NoTimetoThink, I’m unsure about the transition to the cabin to the road. The initial impression is that they’re outside. I presume they’re already inside the cabin, looking out the window. You might want to increase the tension by your opening dialogue as well…I’m not sure talking about “feeling the magic” is as strong a hook as Asrone saying something like “hurry up before he returns”, etc.

Looking at the 1st 13 purely from a word-cutting viewpoint, how about the following? Some of it might lose the flavor of what you’re trying to do, but it may be worth considering:

quote:

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The moon (not actually a cut, but I assume the moon shines silver unless told otherwise) shone brighter than he cared for, but they could do nothing about it without magical aid. Asrone looked behind him along the road and adjusted the sleeves of his robe (how does this add to the story or reveal Asrone’s character?). A shiver, slight, but telling (apart from the repetition of “slight”, I think the shiver by itself gives the reader the necessary implication) wracked his slight frame. They should have been gone from here already. (This could perhaps be implied by the reader given the worry about the brightness of the moonlight, Asrone’s look down the road and his shiver; it’s clear that he’s worried.)
“I can feel magic here, Oren, but I don’t think I can sense the stronger wards,” Asrone said as he stepped into the cramped dark common area of the (not very specific…the subsequent description of the room should give us an idea of its function) cabin. Oren was already (necessary?) searching the unkempt (I’d associate “unkempt” with a garden, clothes or hair…how about ‘’untidy”?) table, trying not to knock over the unlit (we know the lamp is unlit by the fact the cabin is dark) lamp sitting there (we can assume it’s sitting there if it’s on the table). Asrone searchedthe shelves, shifting crooked books only slightly (I’d personally say something like …”he searched through the bookshelves, being careful to leave no trace of his presence” and cutting the following line. That mightn’t give the image that you want though). They were to leave no evidence that they had been there. Asrone cast a cursory (a glance is, by definition, cursory in this context) glance at the unwashed crockery on the countertop and dismissed it (You could possibly leave this out if your following description shows that he’s dismissed it as a hiding place…also consider whether it is important that we know about the unwashed crockery at all. Is it enough to say that the room is a mess and leave the rest up to the reader’s imagination?)

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Cheers,

Nick

If I could spot everything obvious in my own writing, I definitely wouldn’t be here. I think it looks cleaner and tighter from my perspective. Below are my comments (all IMO of course and which may not be helpful), but I fear I’m getting into re-writing here, which isn’t my intention.

quote:

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Asronefidgeted (does this capture the anxiety you’re trying to capture?) as Oren struggled with the door (one less word). The moon shone brighter than he cared for, but nothing could be done about it without magical aid. Asrone looked along the road towards town, silently begging for the thief to hurry. A shiver, not from the evening chill, wracked his slight frame (Do you need this? I think we’ve got Asrone’s tension from his edginess and his silent pleading for Oren to hurry)
“We need to hurry, Oren. I can feel magic here and who knows when that old wizard (Does Oren know who lives in the cabin? If so, wouldn’t Asrone refer to him by name?) will return,” Asrone said, stepping into the cramped dark cabin (might have to mention that Oren has succeeded in opening the door). Oren searched the untidy (perhaps “cluttered” might be the better word?) table. Asrone rooted around the shelves, shifting crooked books only slightly, not wanting to leave any evidence of their presence. (tighter, but it still seems unwieldy. I’m not sure of the remedy though. “Rooted around” implies a pretty vigorous action. How about “Asrone examined between each book on the shelf, moving them as little as possible”? It’s implied that he’s searching for something without making it obvious).
“Just tell me if I’m about to stick my hand into anything that’ll burn it off.”

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This is all regarding the revised intro.

Little things:

When you mention the moon shining too brightly I don't think it's obvious that it's because of the breaking and entering they're doing. Maybe 'brighter than he cared for on a mission like this', or something.

The part with the shiver could be smoother. Maybe just describe the shiver rather than telling us what it's not.

They step into the 'dark' cabin and start looking around but I think they need some source of light.

The last line is a great hook. Good set up on the characters. I want to know what's going to happen next. I'll be happy to read if you like.

Nice job; very interesting opening. Good tension and setting. I suspect they are kids; I hope that suspicion will be confirmed soon with a general age range (I’m guessing 12-15). I also hope to get some hint of description of Oren soon.