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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » Example 1 of 6 - The Man Who Was Never Afraid

   
Author Topic: Example 1 of 6 - The Man Who Was Never Afraid
tchernabyelo
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(As a result of discussions in other threads, I have decided to post six openings to stories of mine. Two of these sold to the first market they went to; two sold after garnering rejections; two remain unsold).

Outside the walls, the wind sighed across the sand, weary of driving the desert eastwards, grain by tiny grain.
Yi Qin sipped her green tea and watched the Man Who Was Never Afraid.
She had seen his like before, elsewhere in Fei Chu. Of an evening, in a wineshop, a man would stand (slightly unsteady on his feet), and announce his prowess to anyone who might listen. He would proclaim his strength and boldness, and how he feared nothing; not man, nor demon, nor ghost.
She did not care for boastful men. But that did not mean she was prepared to let one be killed and eaten, if she might prevent it.


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skadder
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Nice, spare style. I'd read on. (Could you send it?)
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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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tchernabyelo, if I understand correctly, some of these 13-line posts are from stories that have been published.

If that is correct, not only do you not need feedback on those 13 lines, but they should probably go in the Discussing Published Hooks & Books area.

Do I have your permission to move the ones that have been actually published to that area?

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited November 23, 2009).]


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tchernabyelo
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Some are, some are not; I was posting these in here deliberately to discuss issues raised by adamatom, Merlion-Emrys and others. I think it's important at this stage NOT to try and break out the published and unpublished stories, but to look at the group as a whole as well as each one individually (which is why I am not admitting at this point which ones have and which have not been published).
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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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Okay. Thanks for the clarification.
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LlessurNire
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I am not familiar with the other discussions that prompted these postings...maybe a reference or link could be provided for us that are in the dark?

I read all 6, and after careful consideration I like #1 and #6 the best, and my money is on those being the two sold the first time.

great writing

Edited to add:
never mind, I think i caught up - I read MZ's thread and the ensuing back and forth.

[This message has been edited by LlessurNire (edited November 24, 2009).]


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