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Author Topic: Creatures of the Night - Horror - 2,200 words

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This isn't necessarily about creatures in the night. This is more like the name of a (horror) toy collection I made up (I think). At least, it just came to me, but if it's the name of something already, then I apologize. This is more of a toy kind of horror story. Don't be fooled by the way it sounds and think it's like Puppetmaster or something. I've never seen Puppetmaster (as much as I remember). But anyway, I hope you like. Let me know anything you think I should know. You've all been a great help so far. I plan on sending these few short stories I've been writing to some Horror-zines.

Oh, and it is not yet complete, but if you would like a read of it when it's finished, then thank you. That would be greatly appreciated and I will return the favor.


I wanted to get The Creatures of the Night collection of toys so badly, but my granddaddy said no. I stared at the toys on the shelf, wishing he’d change his mind.
“You ain’t gettin no dawg-on devil toys,” my pop said as we walked through the toy store. “Them toys’re for the wicked. Are you of the wicked, boy?”
“No sir,” I said, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the toys. A strange malevolent force drew me to them.
My granddaddy was already down the isle.
“Come buy us, Robby, come play with us...” The distant voices of the toys said. I stepped forward. Did they really talk? No. They couldn’t have. They’re toys for crying out loud. “Please, Robby... It gets so lonely here. Please buy us.”

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Overall, it's an interesting idea.
Just a suggestion, but I thought the first sentence was kind of slow and redundant. If you started out with the grandad's words 'You ain't buying no devil-toy' etc. it gives an immediate pop of curiosity. I can tell already from the conversation that the boy wants those toys and that the grandpa is against it. Makes the first sentence unnecessary.
Nice idea. I'd read more.

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Member # 9200

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I really hate horror stories, but this seems like a good concept for those who like them. I, personally, am too sensitive for horror.

One thing stuck in my head. I think that dawg-on should be spelled dawg-gone, or some such. But that's just a guess.

Best of luck with it.


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The only thing I can add is this: you call the grandpa "grandaddy" and "pop", which isn't a big deal, but in the very beginning like this, you might want to pick one tag and stick with it. Only because it was confusing for all of a millisecond. But that's just me.

Can't wait to see how this one goes...lol

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The first two sentences could have been put with the "No, Sir." paragraph to reduce redundancy. "collection of" could be taken out of the first sentence because I believe "Creatures of the Night toys" comes accross just as well.

Hope this helps.

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Like the idea.

Might just be my own "density", but early on I became confused about whether his granddaddy and his pop are the same person, or 2 different people. Where I come from, Pop is your father, while granddaddy would be your grandfather, but you've written it as though they are 2 words for the same person. I'm still not sure if it's one or 2 people...

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