Sofia wasn’t magical without her piano. She didn’t know this, or really anything about being magical until sometime around her fourteenth birthday. That was the year that great aunt Mildred gave her the Bechstein grand. It was a glorious piano and Sofia itched to play it as soon as the movers finished tightening the bolts on the legs.

Great aunt Mildred stood in the front hall, her arms folded across her barrel chest, her wispy gray fluff barely tamed under an old-fashioned pillbox hat and ice blue eyes that seemed to see right through people. She nodded the movers out the door as Sofia stepped closer to the piano.

The opening paragraph feels a little bit stop-and-start to me. perhaps change to:

quote:

---

Sofia didn’t know anything about being magical until her fourteenth birthday, when great aunt Mildred gave her the Bechstein grand. It was a glorious piano, and Sofia itched to play it as soon as the movers finished tightening the bolts on the legs.

---

Need a comma after "pillbox hat" (otherwise it reads like her hair is under her eyes.)

I like the overall beginning. There are a few grammar corrections but I'll leave that to the experts here since I can barely write my own stories without problem.

Their is one thing I would point out, and that's the word 'Magical.' The ways It's used in both your sentence and NTTT's version is a little off setting.

I think this is because the term 'Magical' similar to 'Enchanting' or 'Mesmerizing' are very common terms to describe excellent skill in music. The mind naturally goes first to she's a good piano player rather than she can produce spells through here ability upon an instrument. So the sentence requires then further explanation, rather than standing alone as a hook.

Just my 2cents,

But good start none the less,

NTTT's suggestion for the first sentences is excellent. Makes the flow much better.

The line about Mildred (describing her hair, eyes, etc.) is much too long and I had to read it twice to get it. I'd suggest cutting the bit about the eyes or inserting it elsewhere.

Also, the last phrase "at the time" gave me pause, as it removed the event of the piano's arrival into such a past point as to make it uninteresting. It would help to keep the reader as present as possible in the immediate scene, without distancing the attention with such a phrase.

That's all! Above comments are all well said; I would emphasize the same things. Otherwise, I am intrigued by a heroine whose magic is tied in with her piano. Sounds like it could go good places.

I've don't know if I've heard 'magical' applied to a person; usually it's used as an attribute of an object or an experience. Your usage is probably fine; I've haven't read much fantasy.

You might consider some Jake-ish cutting:
...sometime around her fourteenth birthday. That was the year that.... ->

...around her fourteenth birthday, when....

Regarding your POV question. It seems fine, but is there any issue with what follows if Sofia does notice Mildred's expression and mannerism? Sofia wouldn't have to understand what's behind it, and that change would accelerate your story into the POV you want.

Good luck with it.

Probably if I could just hone in on the RIGHT term other than Magical I might have that solved (and tighten up some sentences, thanks for the specifics, very helpful.)

My idea is that it's the term for Magic use in their world, I don't want to use wizards/warlocks/magicians/etc. I was going to use just the general Magical (but if so I think I need to treat it as a proper noun) - however, I'm not in love with that. Maybe I need to come up with my own term, like the author of Savvy (in that book the magic is called "Savvy", lol.)

In the world of this story, different people's magic manifests differently, but they all need an object with which to do their magic. Mildred's is her pearl necklace, and the pearl she turns and the direction it turns controls it. For Sofia, as you can tell, the piano is the object, the music she plays on it controls her magic. (she develops a specific rapport with the piano, whose name is Drake, lol.)

I've got to tinker with some terms and find something that suits. I think I'll capitalize Magical in the meantime. Anyone have any thoughts for me on that?

I plan for the fact that Sofia's magical object is an antique grand piano to provide some comic relief (she spends a lot of her time trying to miniaturize it, for example.) Should be a fun story to write, if I could just put some more butt-in-chair hours! ;D