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Author Topic: yay SPACE DAD! (SF, 2000 words)
tchernabyelo
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hey dad

mom told me u r going into space! that is so cool she says u r going a long way and will not be able 2 visit me 4 a wile but SPACE!!! How cool is that I will tell all the other kids at school. yay SPACE DAD!!!

Donnie

Dad

Itís been a year since you went into space. Mom tells me that I should send you a letter every year. She said


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Foste
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I think I know where this epistolary piece is heading, with the father not returning home. I like it. I'd read on.

I have only one nit to pick:

I see that you want the letters to read as if they were written by a kid. That is fine, but some parts just remind me of vexing internet spellings (r u).

That being said, it's an interesting idea.


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Wordcaster
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I wudnt no how 2 critique this.

My only questions are regarding the punctuation. In the first note, there are no periods, which I would expect to be a resultant of expediency or immaturity, but then again there are words in all caps and multiple exclaimation points.

I wonder if there could be more of a discernable strategy on style for the reader... I think you are trying to get more sophisticated as the boy ages, which could work marvelously.

Anyway, this is unique and as I said in my first sentence, this is a tough one to judge. Sounds fun to read!


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Smiley
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Well I think that if the story is in a world where space travel is available, and if people are anything like today's people - kids especially, then those vexing internet and text spellings might just be the norm. I can see that working for this story.

My stumble. I wasn't sure how to read it through the first time I saw it. Kinda read it like the dad was answering until I reread it. Now I see that the son has written twice with a year in between.

I don't have a good suggestion as to make it less confusing but it should iron itself out as you read on. I'd read on to find out where the dad is and why there are no messages from him. Good stuff.


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EVOC
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I had the same stumbling block that smiley mentioned. I thought the Dad was answering it at first too. Perhaps a To: and From: line before each letter would make that less confusing.

The Vexing internet and text spellings are believable to me because unfortunately I see it too often and I can see it becoming a very common short hand as we continue down this path of smaller and smaller tech for communication.

However, It was a bit confusing to me for a first line. Though I quickly figured out where you were going once I understood what you were trying to establish.


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Foste
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Good point about the spelling EVOC.
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Josephine Kait
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Why would a child only write to his father once a year? That seems like a very long interval, especially to a child. Is relativity an issue?

I too like the idea of getting to watch a child grow up by watching his writing grow more sophisticated.

Perhaps the letters could be dated as a way of establishing that they are all from the same source.

If there is a reason for it to be a yearly ritual, perhaps it could be on a specific day (kidís birthday, dadís birthday, fatherís day, Christmas, etc.)


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Reziac
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Maybe it's a once-a-year occasion because communication is very expensive??
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Foste
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We don't know why the father is gone. He might be on a expedition or a prisoner in a penal colony.

Or something else. There must be a reason for the limited correspondence.


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Smiley
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The only viable thing I could think of would be that the Dad is in cryo-stasis for the duration of the long trip and that he'll read all the messages when he wakes up. If he wakes up.
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