Hatrack River
Home   |   About Orson Scott Card   |   News & Reviews   |   OSC Library   |   Forums   |   Contact   |   Links
Research Area   |   Writing Lessons   |   Writers Workshops   |   OSC at SVU   |   Calendar   |   Store
E-mail this page
Hatrack River Writers Workshop Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » "I Buried Paul" - 1,000 word flash fiction

   
Author Topic: "I Buried Paul" - 1,000 word flash fiction
OliverBuckram
Member
Member # 9655

 - posted      Profile for OliverBuckram   Email OliverBuckram         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
This for an entry into the "On the Premises" contest. Sorry to post excessively, but the deadline is Friday Sept 30th. The topic is "Myths and Legends", I have chosen an urban legend that I hope is obvious to those who are old enough.

I am happy to send the whole thing to you.

===
I buried Paul after midnight in an empty field. George kept a lookout. Ringo came an hour late with two large bags of mushrooms. It was April 1966, and we had just started recording Revolver.
I wanted to shift for the digging. It would feel good to burrow in the soil with my front legs, as we were born to do. But George said it was too risky to shift without Ringo.
“What does it matter if someone sees us?” I asked him. “We are already burying a corpse in a field. We will be in big trouble if someone spots us, either way.”
“No, John,” he said. “If some human sees us, we can explain this as one of our madcap adventures.” And since


Posts: 53 | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WriteRebekah
Member
Member # 9657

 - posted      Profile for WriteRebekah   Email WriteRebekah         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Nobody's responded and the deadline's tomorrow, but since I can't stand seeing "0" next to "replies," here goes one anyway.

OK, I recognize the names as the Beatles. But I don't know enough about them to know if I'm supposed to recognize what "Revolver" is (is that a song?) or what/what you're recording (or what "recording" means in this world).

But I love, LOVE the opening lines, the matter-of-fact tone, the bags of mushrooms, the burrowing in the soil. These are all striking and fascinating. It's actually quite effective on its own, without the pop culture tie-in. Unless the tie-in is your point, in which case please throw out everything I just said (the compliments are yours to keep as a free gift, however).

The line "I wanted to shift for the digging" does lose me, I'm sorry to say. Does that mean the speaker wants to find a more comfortable position? or take turns with one of the other guys? The later reference to humans makes me think you might mean something else, but I can't quite figure out what. (Time travel? space/reality wrinkle? body snatching musical chairs?)

I'm also confused why George says Ringo isn't there, when the 3rd sentence says he is.

A very promising beginning. Go corpses, go!


Posts: 27 | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shimiqua
Member
Member # 7760

 - posted      Profile for shimiqua   Email shimiqua         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I love this, and want to read it. Send it to me, please.

FYI I'm in my twenties, and got the Beatles reference as soon as you said Ringo. This seems really cool to me.

~Sheena


Posts: 1165 | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
History
Member
Member # 9213

 - posted      Profile for History   Email History         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Great opening hook.
Great suggestion that the Beatles are not human.
Great for wondering who (or what) the current Paul and Ringo that we know really are.

And I'm far older than than someone in their "twenties", have all the albums in vinyl and CD, and (as with so many others) was inspired to play guitar myself after seeing the Beatles on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1964.

I still play.

Good luck with this.

Respectfully,
Dr. Bob

[This message has been edited by History (edited September 30, 2011).]


Posts: 1315 | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robert Nowall
Member
Member # 2764

 - posted      Profile for Robert Nowall   Email Robert Nowall         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Got the reference from the title...
Posts: 7991 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2