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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » For We Are Legion - Revised -Trade Crits?

Author Topic: For We Are Legion - Revised -Trade Crits?
Member # 9669

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Hello, does anyone want to trade crit's? My story is 5,500 words. It's called For We Are Legion. And I think it's really dark Fantasy, mixed with horror. I guess it would be Supernatural, more or less. I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, I got a good critique already. I need another pair of eyes, if anyone would be interested. I will critique your story to the best of my abilities.

Here is the first thirteen lines anyway. It's already in a post, but I will repaste it here. Thanks.


Linda had been dead for years, but somehow Robert was following her up to the bedroom. His heart rocked like a ship in a bad storm, the beats crashed against his chest and made him sick to his stomach. Shes here. Hows she here? He asked himself. In the doorway, Linda winked behind silver-rimmed spectacles. She entered the room. He swallowed, and stepped carefully down the hallway. He stopped in the threshold and closed his eyes. I dont want to do this, I dont want to do this again, he repeated to himself over and over. He opened his eyes and the empty room laughed at him. He fell to his knees, the backs of his hands smacked against the wood floor.
There he was. Alone again. He shook his head, then he gritted his teeth and started pulling his hair out like a madman.

Posts: 193 | Registered: Oct 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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