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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » Chingu

   
Author Topic: Chingu
Denevius
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Genre: Urban Horror; Length: 7000 words; Looking for readers/swaps

The gray smoke from Kim Jung Hyun’s cigarette drifted up from the burning ashes to curl around her neck. She sat opposite her seongsaegnim, O Seung Tae, in the Café Bene in Nohyeong Rotary. Seung Tae slouched back in his chair, legs crossed, and stared out the window into the darkening evening. The days had grown longer as March fell to April, the snowy winter given way to a rainy spring. Already, it was almost eight o’clock, and Jung Hyun checked a sigh of impatience as she waited for her seongsaegnim to tell her why he’d called the meeting today.

“The Gwanlyo has given you a new assignment.” Seung Tae took a slow pull from his cigarette, and turned to look directly at Jung Hyun as he blew a long funnel cloud of smoke from his nose. “We need a human.”

[ April 01, 2012, 02:57 AM: Message edited by: Denevius ]

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C@R3Y
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Send it to me.

I don't really do 13 lines.

=]

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Denevius
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thanks for the offer. i sent it along to you.
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babooher
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let me get through this week (end of a quarter..ick) and I can give it a read.
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pdblake
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I have no idea what a seongsaegnim is and tripped straight over the word.
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Denevius
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sorry you tripped, pdblake.

and babooher, i'll send it along and feel more than free to get to it when your quarter ends. good luck on exams(?)!

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babooher
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Thanks Denevius. I'm the one who gets to grade the exams...One last batch, one last batch
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Denevius
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haha. well, have fun with that!
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Utahute72
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I like the prose and the set up. One suggestion, by stringing together so many words out of the normal, "..seongsaegnim, O Seung Tae, in the Café Bene in Nohyeong Rotary. Seung Tae...", you run the risk of pulling the reader out before he gets invested in the story. You might try breaking them up and introducing them in some context so the reader has a chance to internalize them.
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Denevius
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thanks for the suggestion, utahute72!
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