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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Short Works » The Unicorn Tamer

   
Author Topic: The Unicorn Tamer
mayflower988
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I just finished my first first draft! This is the first time I've ever completed a story I've started (well, that wasn't for school). I'm looking for people who can read and critique the whole draft. Here are the first 13 lines of my fantasy story (2044 words):

I sit and ponder the jailer's last words: "You have a choice - find out where the unicorns are hiding or hang as a traitor at dawn." I wrap my arms around my legs and rock back and forth. I can't help them. I'm not the Unicorn Tamer. They think I am. But I have no magical abilities. I just pay better attention to what I hear than most people do.
The unicorn is stirring. I tense and ready myself to spring away. I hear him rise. He clip clops across the cell. Oh no. I'd hoped that this dark cell would keep him from knowing I'm here. But no, here he is, his breath hitting my face. I scoot back along the floor. I hit the wall and stand. At this point, escape is futile. "If you're going to kill me, please do it quickly." Perhaps the creature understands human speech.

[ August 01, 2012, 12:58 AM: Message edited by: Kathleen Dalton Woodbury ]

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Denevius
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i'll take a look. email it whenever.
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mayflower988
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Sent. Anyone else?
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babooher
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I'll take a look. Email me.
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mayflower988
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Sent. KDW, I just realized you had to edit my thirteen lines. Sorry about that. I thought I'd counted them out correctly. I'll go back and look at the "how to know if you've got thirteen lines" thingy.
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Denevius
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I may be slower than most, but even after months of coming to this site, I still find the 13 line rule confusing, especially since I've seen story openings which seem to go *way* beyond 13 lines.

Perhaps it's already been tried, but it seems to me that an option of 13 lines or a maximu word count, like fifty words or something, would clarify things.

Anyway, I've just noticed since I've been on this site that the 13 lines seem to confound many people.

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Kathleen Dalton Woodbury
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I do the best I can to keep things fair with regard to the 13 lines that people post. A maximum word count would not take into consideration how long or short the words are. I suppose a maximum character count might work, but how would you tell? We don't have a character counter the way they do on Twitter(TM).

If you're not sure, just post what you think counts as 13 lines, and if it's too long, I'll cut it.

If it's too short, I may say so, so you can add more lines to the post.

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JoBird
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Feel free to send me a copy if you need extra critique on top of what you've already gotten.
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mayflower988
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I think right now I'm going to focus on the comments I've gotten, then I'll update this thread with the new 13 lines. Can I take you up on that offer after I revise based on what I've got?
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JoBird
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Nope. It was a one time deal.

Just kidding. Sure.

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