I'm sorry if these are off-topic, but I just wanted to give you all a sense of what passes for writing in high school these days. Plus, they're just laugh out loud funny. Enjoy:ANALOGIES AND SIMILES EXCERPTED FROM RECENT HIGH SCHOOL ESSAYS:
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She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up. - Susan Reese, Arlington
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work. - Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently
compressed by a Thigh Master. - Sue Lin Chong, Washington
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. - Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a Guy
who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those
boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at
high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one
of those boxes with a pinhole in it. - Joseph Romm, Washington
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door
open again. -Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
ball wouldn't. - Russell Beland, Springfield
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup. - Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
"Jeopardy" comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. - Roy Ashley,
Washington
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. - Chuck
Smith, Woodbridge
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the
center.-Russell Beland, Springfield
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access
T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets :\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by
mistake. - Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. - Unknown
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. - Jack Bross, Chevy Chase
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. - Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a
Dr Pepper can. - Wayne Goode, Madison,AL
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. - Paul Kocak, Syracuse NY
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had
also never met. - Russell Beland, Springfield
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. - Barbara
Fetherolf, Alexandria
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. - Unknown
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River. - Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. -Sandra Hull,
Arlington
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview
portion of "Jeopardy!" - Jean Sorensen, Herndon
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. - Jerry Pannullo, Kensington
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for
awhile. - Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night. - Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a
real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
something. - John Kammer, Herndon
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. - Barbara Collier, Garrett
Park
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
seen before. - Marian Carlsson, Lexington
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee
(D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to
Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the
impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton. - J. F. Knowles,
Springfield
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. - Jennifer Hart, Arlington
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a
formerly surcharge-free ATM. - Paul J. Kocak, Syracuse
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric
fan set on medium. - Unknown
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
tools. - Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up. - Susan Reese, Arlington
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
cleanser. - Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.! - Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.-
Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first- generation
thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened. -Sue Lin Chong,
Washington
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall. - Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. - Tom Witte, Gaithersburg
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