A server error wiped out my forum in November, so I've had to build a new one. I also had to repair my general site as well.
I'm trying to encourage people to join my new forum, as good numbers can only reflect well when I seek a publishing agent. I'm also giving out free soundtrack CDs of my work for those who post in the forum CD giveaway thread.
The main work is a bit heavy and needs editing down. However, I've been working on a new project - Emperor - which I'll be seeking an agent for next year, maybe by Easter. I've placed links for the first three chapters in the forum, so if you're feeling bored you're welcome to drop in and have a look.
Anyway, if you'd like to join, your support is very welcome and much appreciated!
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I've seen you post here for a while, so I went to go check out you sample chapters. I was oat work and I didn't get very far, but I what little I read (first two paragraphs or so) I have some thoughts.
This is more than likely just personal preference... Dude!!!! We don't need to know about every blade of grass. I thought I was going to die before I got to the character intro. As a reader it turns me off when the author begins the book with a nature description. No matter how good the writer books are not movies. Were this a screenplay it wold be a kick ass establishing shot, but start out with a bang, or give a briefer setting description and get to he character.
I'm not blasting you or nothing because I haven't read enough to give you a proper critique.
On the plus side however, you write narrative better than I could ever hope. I''m great at dialogue, and characterization, but I hate writing description.
Maybe it's just a personal bias.
Your website is rather snazy and creating such a site for an unpublished work is quite ambitious.
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Chronicle, I remember reading your sample chapters on the fragments and feedback back when you had it posted, and I remember struggling through the first paragraph (most of it was fillers, and therefore unengaging). And I've visited your site, skimmed through most the content. I hope you didn't actually use that pitch "this promises to be the largest epic ever in english" when you queried publishers. You don't need comments as such, the book will prove itself. If the book didn't, that comment causes you to look foolish. Also, you're not trying to sell a series are you? One book at a time...one book at a time.
Chronicle, you have done amazing work creating a world. There are areas that need to be strengthen to give vibrant life to this world--less exposition, less narration, more dialogue, more "events" (a balance of exposition and dialogue). Don't be so overtly descriptive; so much actually creates a monotone feel. Beware of cliches. That opening scene where the hawk swoops up the rabbit, it's been done repeatedly. Beware of "cheesy" epiphany moments. That ten-year old Sephas knew the sun would return made him realized he was great--there is no inspiration about it.
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i haven't read Chronicles' work yet, but i have a question for all those who responded to it: what do you think of Tolkein's use of description?
Yes, I sampled a Chronicles chapter here, and got some very good feedback - the main criticisms being that I am too long-winded and repetitive!
I do quite accept that, and although I'd like to also support the POV choice against Survivor's criticisms, I realise that I really am in a weak position with it.
Generally, I've got some serious editing to do. But the trouble is that I don't know where the point of compromise is between publisher demands and my own preferences. I am protective of that work - it has to be done right. I cannot undertake re-editing unless I know what my specific aims and goals are for the piece, which has obviously got to change. And as the editing will, no doubt, be a major undertaking, I really want to wait until I have an agent, and get their advice on where to begin to "correct" it.
How do I get an agent? Not with Chronicles! I do know that!
No, after failing to gain any agent interest with it I started writing a sci-fi according to what I thought were marketing demands. Nearly finished it in June.
Then Survivor, in no uncertain terms, declared that I would have to completely rewrite the novel with a changed POV! I realised he was quite right.
So I've been rewriting the sci-fi from scratch, and hope to be ready to submit "EMPEROR - First Apocalypse" around Easter 2003. I don't intend to fail with it.
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Thanks for the comments as well, Shadow-X - I realised those pieces were weak, but had potential, which is why I haven't expanded them into proper works yet.
The first couple of chapters for "King of all Lions" are particularly weak. Its a freebie that has its moments.
Oh - and especial thanks to Survivor, and Cosmi, for joining. I've now unlocked the forum so it can be viewed without having to join.
Sorry I haven't been around much lately - been soooo busy!
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Someone mentioned Tolkien (agh-cosmi-eh) and his use of POV and descriptive prose.
This is actually a very interesting topic, since Tolkien doesn't use what we would think of as a well defined POV structure. I call his POV Fictional Narrative Tradition Epic or something along those lines. In other words, Tolkien doesn't just tell a story, he pretends that he is simply re-telling--or transmitting--an epic drawn from an older narrative tradition. Other authors have done the same, but usually they set the Fictional Narrative Tradition as a frame, and the core passages of the narrative are in Third Person Limited Omniscient. With Tolkien, we are continually reminded that this narrative is only a synthesis of disparate elements drawn from the older traditions (which are, of course, all fictional). For instance, at a pivotal action (like the death of Theoden) the action breaks (leaving Eowyn confronting certain death) and we are treated to several paeans to Theoden, his horse, his lineage, and so forth before the action continues. This sort of thing is going on throughout the narrative. Tolkien doesn't let you forget for an instant that he is synthesizing his narrative from these "older" traditions. And it is oddly successful. Even though you know that he made everything up, it feels rather like a literary recounting of actual legends and myths with some underpinning of ancient history. Partly this is because Tolkien liberally used and modified actual legends and mythical sources to create his Fictional Narrative Tradition, and partly this is because he was an expert on how mythologies both preserve and alter actual history.
That being said, Tolkien is a terrible model for fantasy writers. The first thing is that it takes decades of esoteric scholarship to learn how to do what he did. Then you have to spend another several decades actually doing it. Third, you have to have a compelling personal investment in the story being told. All of which is a bit much just to write a book that may well end up as a complete market failure. Tolkein himself didn't live his entire life for the sake of writing the Lord of the Rings, and neither should you (though if you end up there, then by all means, write the book!).
To answer the question about Tolkien's descriptive prose, I would say that Tolkien is actual quite shy about explicitly destriptive prose. Most of his descriptions tend to be emotive, coming from the POV of the characters or the narrator. When his prose is explicitly descriptive, it tends to be rather light. So I would actually say that the way he uses the internal reactions of the characters to vividly describe setting and narrative elements like enemies and so forth is very much worth study for any writer.
Writing in POV means never describing things except as they appear to the current POV character.
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