posted
You ever see water go down a drain? See how violently and chaotic it fills the sink before conforming into one shape as the life of this earth whirls down into a rust pipe? Then the water is gone leaving only drops and streaks the memory that water was once there. There is no sudden spring of hope. It just keeps on going down down down. once you get locked into a pattern of Going down the drain it takes a whole lot to keep you out of it. this story is diffrent. why? because like real life it has no illuision of false hope that the characters will blindly fall for to impress some house wife at home eating popcorn and having her child suck on her tit while she weeps becuase she know the inevitability of the situation. That is bull crap.
THis story is about 2 lovers who fall in love during highschool. The girl graduates before the guy. she goes off and lives her life becoming more happy with her freedom. hte guy already has his freedom only living with his dad who gives him the most freedom any one could want. They break up because the guy starts to become a paronoid dilluisionist and very negative. she has sex with his friend.
This is where it gets wierd. The boyfriend starts to see facts behind his parnoid dillusions. he finds out that he is in his own past. In the future he became a Killer(A tyrant or serial killer i cant figure out) he falls in love with blue for a governmental program to go back in time and to make slaves out of potential world threats by making them fall in love.
He finds this out. His friend that had sex with his girl is from the future. he was supposed to protect their engagement until they died but he hated his job. and he liked his friend the boyfriend so he decided to free him from love. even though he is a pycho killer.
posted
My initial reaction to your post was to suggest that before you write your story you learn to spell and to use punctuation.
But, on re-reading, your opening images of the water going down the drain hint that you might have something interesting to say. I really hope you sit down and write this thing. I'll be honest, the whole time-travelling-psycho-killer-oh-how-cruel-is-love story line doesn't do much for me. It sounds like the sort of overly maudlin crap I wrote way back in the last millenium when I first got dumped. On the other hand, what the hell, write it, put it out for critique somewhere, listen to the critiques, then write something else. Repeat as needed. At Writer's Boot Camp, Card said that everyone has 10,000 pages of bad fiction in them. You may as well start getting it out of the way now.
posted
I'm curious -- how do you get over 28 novels from 10,000 pages? If you write 500-page novels, you're only looking at 20 novels. If you're writing 400-page novels, that's only 25 novels.
But isn't that a silly way to look at it?
If there's 250 words per page, you're looking at 2,500,000 words. If you were to write 1,000 words a day, you're looking at a little under 7 years -- about the same amount of time it takes to obtain an undergraduate as well as a graduate degree. Seems pretty fair to me.
Just think -- you can cut this in half if you were to write 2,000 words a day!
[This message has been edited by Balthasar (edited November 07, 2003).]
posted
Damascus, don't afflict us with this here unless you want a discussion of general principles or a brainstorming session.
Go ahead and submit the first thirteen lines of what you have to the Fragments and Feedback forum.
The storyline you've presented it moderately interesting, but I hope that you aren't serious about it being the most original story ever because that would mean that you just don't read enough. We've all read the "protagonist discovers that people from the future are tampering with his life to prevent him from turning out to be a vicious killer/tyrant/writer /ect." story a dozen times at least.
There is still room for innovation here, as I think the way you've combined the old saw about keeping the victim erotically enchanted with the 'jailer who admires and decides to free the victim' idea. But ultimately, it isn't that original an idea (when you take the time travel out--and it can be taken out--this story is nearly a cliche...but only nearly).
Or there could be some deep meaning in "he falls in love with blue for a governmental program" that I'm not seeing.
Anyway, if you're up for suggestions on directions that people think this could go, a discussion of whether such a program would be moral or monstrous, ideas on how the time travel should work, or anything else that would be a general writing topic, then we can do that.
But if you want feedback on your particular writing and story idea, then request critiques in the Fragments and Feedback area.
In the other thread about this, Waters said something about doing whatever it took to stop Damascus from writing this story.
So how about this? Waters arranges for Damascus to fall in love, whereupon he cannot write the story without alienating his sweetheart. Wouldn't that be an interesting recursion...not! Uhg, an undisguised frolic in the lands of 'artists are so special that the Man will go to any lengths to keep them under control.'
Still and all, if only that were the reward for being about to write something truly diabolical and evil...I would get more dates
posted
I have enjoyed your extremely negative feedback! Especially Shawn got me dead on. I do need attention. Also whoever guessed that I had recently broke up with my girlfriend, Way to go Idaho!, you guessed right! Whoever wrote about 10,000 pages of bull crap before you get good well looks like i got a long way to go =)!
Hey guys thanks for responding even if it was merely to poke fun or ridicule me. But I like your style! Now take your thoughts of my Sunday made for TV movie and go to the feedback section.
I have tried to explain my story idea in the utmost detail.
PLEASE READ THAT AND THEN TELL ME WHAT GARBAGE YOU THINK MY STORY IS!
Thank you I can't wait!
Thank you my esteemed colleagues<>
or are they?
[This message has been edited by Damascus (edited November 07, 2003).]
[This message has been edited by Damascus (edited November 07, 2003).]
[This message has been edited by Damascus (edited November 07, 2003).]
posted
(The lights go up and the messageboard is a stage.)
Here's what TolkeinDude wrote:
quote:I've got this story idea.
So, there's this big evil guy that you never see. He lives in a tower. He made these rings that control everybody, but not right now because he lost the main one.
These little guys found the big ring and they're trying to take it to a big volcano and chuck it in. That's the only way to break it.
They've got some human guys helping them, but they aren't normal humans. They're from an older race that look just like us, but they're better in some way.
Oh yeah! And they've got this cool wizard with a beard who's gonna change the color of his clothes in the middle of the story. I'll explain why later. It's really cool.
And I've got an elf and dwarf that will go with them too. They'll be suspicious of each other at first, but end up best friends.
Ummm... and there's this little green guy that's going to sneak after them because he wants the big ring.
What do you think?
So I said, "It's sounds pretty stupid to me, TolkeinDude. Who's going to want to read that crap?"
I guess I was wrong.
(Applause. The lights dim.)
**Bows** Thank you. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed my little play.
In case you need the moral spelled out-- Every story sounds stupid in a brief summary.
Damascus, write your story. If you want some useful critism, don't just show us a proto-idea, write some prose and share that with us.
posted
thank you nexus. I am new here and dont exactly know how things work. thank you for giving me sound advice. In a few weeks after some of my story is edited i will post some of it and ask for you guys feedback thank you.
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