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Author Topic: First lines
Silver6
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Hey, anybody up for a stupid game based on the competition that a lot of people here seem to take part in?
We post a first line, and everybody says the broad lines of the story they would have written based on that first sentence. Just to keep the creative juices flowing...

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goatboy
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So all I have to do is post a first line? Okay:

It began much like many things do, with a beginning buried in such a small trivia that no one really bothered to notice or remember it.


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Silver6
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Phew, that's harsh. I could write any number of stories on that sentence, it's so vague. And you were really heavy-handed about putting words derived from "begin".
:-)
May I tweak it just a little?

"It began like many things, with something buried in such trivia that no-one really bothered to notice or remember it."

All right. Fantasy (I'm in the mood). The narrator is an old man reminiescing on his past. Back when he was a young man, he was a minor archivist at the Keep, a walled city that was an enclave in enemy lands. The narrator has lived all his life in the Keep.
He is part of the welcoming party for foreign scholars who want to see a manuscript about the history of the Keep.

As they arrive, the Keep shakes - and not for the first time. The older self of the narrator wishes then that he had paid more attention to that,instead of gaping at the strangers.

There are lots of formal talks about reconciliation and that sort of things, lots of parties given. The narrator is bored because he thinks none of that has any significance. But he sees a young man who has been trailing after the scholars trying to drink himself under the table, and nobody else notices it. He rescues the guy, and they have a talk. The guy is grateful, but not loquacious.

The foreigners have taken over the library and are foraging in the history of the Keep. Our narrator starts to be really bothered by what he sees as the latest attempt at an invasion. He speaks some more with the guy he rescued - let's name him Devlin. The other speaks about the lands outside the Keep. He is a linguist, but he seems to take little part in the acts of his compatriots, and they in turn seem to ignore him. Devlin forages in the library, but not in the same section as his compatriots. The narrator starts to wonder if something else is not going on.

When pressed, Devlin refuses to say anythig more. But, on second thought, everyone seems to ignore Devlin, including the guys in the Keep, and the narrator has trouble remembering his face. He starts paying more attention to Devlin.

The narrator checks the books Devlin has been reading, and discovers that they all have to do with the founding of the Keep. One of them mentions something buried under the Keep to maintain it safe from the enemy: some sort of demon in bondage. But the wards have been steadily failing - that was why the Keep was shaking. It had originally been invoked through the heart-blood of a sacrifice. And obviously Devlin is not who he pretended to be, but a sorcerer who wants to free the demon so that the enemy can invade the city.

Confrontation before the demon: Devlin is trying to break the remaining wards, but he admits that it can still be confined. He manage to defeat Devlin in time, and the party of foreigners who was only a cover for Devlin leaves.

Cut to older narrator. No-one found a way to restore the wards, but the demon remains confined below. The Keep still stands, but the narrator knows it's not for long; it is shaking more and more often, and whole sections of it have collapsed. The narrator can't sleep at night without seeing the eyes of the demon, and wondering what will happen when it is freed.

Ok, it's not a very good story, but I came up with it in about twenty minutes. Anybody else wants to try?

[This message has been edited by Silver6 (edited July 19, 2004).]


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babylonfreek
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Just too vague. There's no setting to work with, no driving "ideas". That line is so general it could fit just about anything.


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Christine
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I think you're missing the point....the first line isn't supposed to tell you how to finish the stoyr. It's meant to bring in a wide variety of creative stories. It is intended to amaze people that so many diverse stories can begin with the same line. Use your imagination, that's the point.
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Silver6
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I concur, and could not have said it better. Thanks, Christine. :-)

[This message has been edited by Silver6 (edited July 19, 2004).]


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goatboy
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Yes, I like that rewrite for the first line. How about a couple more lines to go with the first?

It began like many things, with something buried in such trivia that no-one really bothered to notice or remember it. The trivial event in question, was no more than the stubbing of a toe. A pinky toe in fact, on the left foot of a minor prince in the house of Dan.


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Lorien
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So, every time the prince stubs his toe the person who is physically closest to him at that moment either has their greatest desire or their worst fear realized. But, he doens't know this and neither does anyone else.

First, the prince stubs his toe at a banquet with all of the house of Dan and some of the neighboring kingdoms. The king of the house of Sigfried, next to him at the moment, expresses his worry that he and his wife will have another daughter (they have 13 already and the queen is pregnant) and never have a son. The King's next child, born in 1 week, is a son.

The house of Dan is having a border dispute with the house of Eric to the north (which is part of the reason for the banquet). The queen and the prince meet with the king of the house of Eric to try and settle the matter. The queen is worried that the house of Eric will not only refuse to set the borders as the house of Dan proposes, but will then invade Dan as well. The prince stubs his toe as he is sitting down to the table and the king of the house of Eric refuses to even discuss the matter, leaving in a huff, returning to Eric and preparing for war.

Three weeks later, the prince stubs his toe in the bedroom in the morning and the servant making the bed is right next to him. He and his wife can not have children. That evening, a baby boy is left on their doorstep.

The king of the house of Dan fears that the house of Sigfried will join their cousins, Eric, in the war of invading Dan. It turns out that the child left on the doorstep is the king of Sigfried's son, kidnapped, which is discovered later, not now.

Someone else wishes for a way out of this mess and an old man wanders into town.

That's as far as I got for now. Maybe it's cliche. I'd like there to be a better way of having seemingly unrelated results of the toe stubbings come together.


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Jules
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Despite the apparent lack of seriousness of the event, there is internal damage to the prince's foot, and a few days later the first signs show that it has become infected.

A physician is called, but his prescribed treatment is based on a groundless superstition and the infection continues to spread. Eventually, the entire foot must be amputated.

The king and his entourage travel to a neighbouring kingdom for a celebration. He would have taken the prince, being his eldest son, but he is unfit to travel, so his younger brother goes in his place. They are attacked on their way to the celebration, and all are killed.

The remainder of the story deals with how the prince handles the war that results from this event, with particular emphasis on how his younger brother, if he had been the survivor, would have handled it in a different way that would have led to certain catastrophe.


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