The most difficult part is that I sort of want to have the guy turn down the girl when she starts making advances but I don't want it to seem like he's not interested in her. Any suggestions on how I could pull that part off?

Stereotypically, many men wouldn't do so unless there was a specific reason. Indeed, there are finite number of reasons -- I will list a few of them.

1. He's madly in love with someone else and/or married.
2. He's chosen celibacy for a lifestyle (such as Smith's singer, Morrissey).
3. He thinks the woman is entirely unattractive.
4. He's uncomfortable about his "manhood" or is fresh out of Viagra.
5. Moral or religious reasons.

And the list goes on for about five or six more, most of which I can't write on this board.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at. Do you mean that the relationship is not physical or that you don't want to write about the physical parts? (Big difference in appraoch, one means friendship, essentially.)

A is more difficult, actually, for a couple of reasons. First of all, men don't tend to turn down sex with someone they're interested in. I know, I know, I'm making a generalization. This isn't always true, but there is another difficulty in this situation. The type of man that (in my mind) would turn this girl down for sex is also the type of man who (again, in my mind) would not want to pursue a relationship with that kind of loose woman.

Interp B is very, very simple. There is no earthly reason why two sexually attracted people need to do it right then and there unless they are in the movies or on tv. In real life, people have more control over their own bodies than that, but meanwhile the sexual tension can be quite compelling. We know they both want each other but they are both sensible enough to wait.

Mostly, it's that ubiquitous 3 Date rule cropping up -- a man has got to have some standards, right?. (just kidding... Christine, it's time for me to fess up: you're far too easy to bait. Every time it's hook, line, and sinker. You realize that, don't you? My previous post was rather non-serious, but I knew you'd comment on it nonetheless. )

Here's how I handle it, and I just realized this doesn't necessarily help you at all. I act like I'm completely oblivious to the fact that she's coming on to me (doesn't work if she just straight up says, "I want to have sex with you now."). Then, when the conversation turns to relationships, as it invariably does if she's coming on to you, I just make sure to mention that I'm not looking for anything really big with anybody, but new friends are always nice. (Because, as Christine said, the kind of guys who will turn down sex with a girl for moral reasons generally aren't really interested in the kind of girl who would throw themselves at us for a night).

One approach among many possibilities. Probably not the approach you're looking for because (A) It does show lack of interest in the girl and (B) many people would see such a guy as a prude.

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The most difficult part is that I sort of want to have the guy turn down the girl when she starts making advances but I don't want it to seem like he's not interested in her.

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Seems like the easiest way to do it to me is do it from the guys POV, give internal monologue of him finding her attractive plus his motiviation for not accepting, and have the actual action be him putting some distance between them. To show his interest, I don't think you can completely eliminate the physical interest. Just don't get graphic with it in a blantantly sexual way, but rather focus on more sensual details. Examples: smell of her hair, noticing a soft touch by her on his arm, feeling like she's standing a bit too close.

I don't have any problem with a guy turning down sex. I personally don't even register a prude factor required, unless it fits the character. Men are not all sex fiends, anymore than all women are loose if they go for something they want sexually. Just give your characters motivations, and it will be believable. The way the situation is described, it seems like if could be a fairly subtle invitation on the girls part anyway, a promise of "there could be more to this," that the guy just isn't accepting at the moment.

Particularly helpful was the comment that basically said, she can be offering something to him that he can turn down without having to lay on the coffee table and spread her legs in the air. :-)

Say the woman puts her hand on his.

He could allow the hand to stay, not acknowledging it in the conversation. Or he could move his hand back, and the speed and abruptness of the movement would have implications as well. My thought was he lets it sit for a few moments and slips it out to pick up a drink or food. Depending on the movements you point out, they can convey that she is interested. With a bit of thought, you could do it all without words....or tie the conversation to a finality when they go thier separate ways.

Although I am loathe to take examples from TV, let's look at the relation between Fox and Scully late in the X-files. There was never anything physical between them, but you could feel the increasing tension, especially when they were alone in a bedroom. Placing the scene in a bedroom (a character's, a motel room they are forced to share) places a great deal of tension. The readers are aware that the bed is *right there* and so do the characters. And contrary to popular belief, the best way to keep up that tension is to not have them fall in it. Not that sex is the only form of "physicality" in a relationship. A couple holding hands or kissing is just as emotionally intense as the act of love. Are your characters close enough to touch each other? They should be. Does the girl keep--unconsciously--reaching out for him, leaning toward him? Does he lean away, takes a step back to avoid her hand, or worse swats it away? There are many ways to show that she is attracted to him, and that he doesn't want the relationship to spiral away into something he wants to avoid, without resorting to blantant proposition. In fact, if the proposition is an unspoken promise, it only serves to heighten the tension.

Also, I tend to feel insulted when someone says that guys won't ever say no to sex. It's shallow, and blatantly untrue, and I do not mean because of moral or religious constraints, but because men are as much as women looking for companionship, not just sex. There is, however, a difference in relationships between men and women. Women generally want commitment before, men are generally more inclined to give it after. That does not mean the desire wasn't there to start with, but I think men tend to shield themselves emotionally more than women because of sociological concerns (my father was fond of the men don't cry BS) and sex is a way through that barrier. On that note, you also should show that the girl isn't just intersted is sex. Yes, women as much as men want it, can be as shallow as men about it, and it can be all they want. Doesyour femal character want a relationship, or just sex? if she wants a relationship, does the man mistake her advances thinking all she wants is sex? That is also a level to play on perhaps. The less each character knows about the motivations of the other, the more tension there is, especially if the reader is informed of the motivations in fact.

As far as trying to cushion the rejection blow for the female, I think you can show the reader that he means well, but the female is not really going to see that as well. We've all been rejected or have rejected, to know that "let's just be friends" and "it's not you, it's me", or any variation, is not going to soften the blow. It is only later (maybe) and with distance that we can get some understanding of what went wrong. In the instant, no matter how gentle he will be, she will feel the rejection. Not showing that distressing, nearly earth-shattering feeling depending on how deeply she feels for him, would feel unrealistic.

Of course there is always the danger of getting melodramatic in such a situation, especially in the dialogue. I think the key there is to limit the dialogue, to tone it down. Introduce silences (of the uneasy kind) pauses inside a sentence, sentences trailing off. The discomfort should be see in their behavior more than in their words.