I'm going to have to stop writing altogether for a while for many reasons. In fact, I can't see myself getting back to it for several years.

First, my kids. I have four with one on the way. The two eldest have special needs that have always presented a scheduling problem. Because of these needs, I decided to homeschool them.

Now, homeschooling isn't a problem. I enjoy it and they're learning a lot more (at this point in time) than they would in a public school. Between that and the social skills they're learning through other organizations, they're doing pretty well. But that doesn't change the extra time I need to spend with them.

Even if I had them in public school, I would still have two kids at home demanding my attention. And I've learned I can't write fiction in five-minute intervals. I'm constantly jarred out of my universe and what comes out is garbage.

Adding a newborn on top of all that is going to stretch my limits as it stands.

Second, there's my husband's health. We've had a couple of scares recently with his heart as well as other things that we thought had gone away and some new things (like fainting spells when he's sitting down) that have just started.

So, I'm taking care of kids during the day and my husband at night. We have friends who can help out -- and have been helping out -- but there's no way I'm going to ask them to help just so that I can crank out a novel.

I hate this. I love writing more than I can say and yet I also love my family. It's been a very difficult decision to make, but certain events today have made that decision pretty clear. I got too involved in thinking through a scene and didn't realize my five year old daughter had undressed, climbed in between the blinds and the window and was being watched by a group of college-age guys. Luckily, my upstairs neighbor saw her and told me about it, otherwise, I might have remained in my own little world.

This, and other, smaller incidents have shown me that I can't write during the day.

I can't write during the day, I can't write at night. Weekends are out because I'm either running errands or recovering from the rest of the week. I have no time and I don't see any of this changing for at least the next few years if not several years.

I don't know. Maybe things will get better sooner than I think. I just know I can't get pulled in two directions anymore. The tension's too great and I'm going to crack if I keep trying.

So, the point of this long, emotional rant is that I'm going to be gone for a long while. It kills me to say it, but my family is more important. And I know if I post here or even lurk, I'm going to be tempted back into writing again. I need to say good-bye publicly or I'll just keep coming back: I need closure I guess. Same goes for Liberty Hall.

Thank you to everyone who's critiqued my stories and especially to Kathleen and OSC for this wonderful forum. I'm going to miss you guys. I'll be back as soon as I can.

You are one of my favourite authors here and I always love the stories you turn out. You are one of the most compelling story-tellers I have encountered in a long time and I truely enjoy the characters and worlds you create. I still get chills when I think about your Sleepy Hollow re-write or your story, "Master of Roads".

I am sorry to hear that life is taking you in a direction away from your writing. There come times in our lives where we sometimes have to walk away from the things that bring us the most joy in our lives. Family is so important and I hope and pray that things will work out in such a way that you will be able to return to the thing that brings you happiness.

Your presence here and at Liberty Hall will be missed. I will miss not only your stories but your contributions to the community in general.

All the best in the future, and I hope you can return sooner rather than later.

I understand where you're coming from. My heart goes out to you. I truly hope you can be happy in the responsibilities you have. And remember, this too shall pass. Perhaps when the kids are a bit older you'll be able to carve out some time for you.

Remember that, even if you don't spend any time writing, YOU are important, not just the needs of your family. Set aside small times to do something for just yourself once in a while. Your family will be healthier for it. And I'm sure that friends and family who babysit will also understand the importance of time to yourself.

Maybe during those personal times you can at least jot down ideas for stories, or write a few pages. If writing feeds you as a person, it is still important. And if you choose to/aren't able to even do that, then find something else to take its place. An activity that feeds your soul. We all need things like that. They aren't time wasters. They are important to LIVING, not just existing.

You won't have the extra self-imposed pressures, you'll enjoy life a little more. When you are ready to come back you'll be richer for the break.

From someone who took a four year break, (1999 to 2003) I think you're doing the right thing. I got to know people better, especially my kids, which I had not supposed but can now see.

It has been hard to start up again but, so far so good.

Best wishes also for the new baby.

Andrew

Autumn is 100% correct - YOU are important, too. Whatever else you're doing, take some time to do things that are just for yourself.

Consider all the things that are happening to you and that will happen to you as "grist for the mill" that you will be able to use later when you can spend time on your writing.

You really aren't giving up writing entirely, you're getting a LIFE and with that LIFE, you're filling up the reservoir from which will come wonderful stories some day.

Some years ago I started here, and then due to family issues with my special needs kids, I had to drop out. It hurt. But I promised myself that I would return, and I have.

You will, also.

I'll be here waiting for you.

See you then, Amy

K2

Edited to say 'been there done that'. Now I have time to write the stories I used to tell the kids and used to plan when I was at work. Your time will come.

(Aside: Stephen King wrote somewhere (his last collection?) that he composes a "bedtime story" in his head as he's waiting in bed to go to sleep. I was impressed. I've been doing that for years now, and sometimes they make it all the way to the computer screen.)

Well, the point is, that I can't turn it on and off like a light switch. It's too ingrained in me now. I've been writing seriously since I was fourteen and I can't stop, even if I wanted to. Just because I'm not typing it out doesn't mean I'm not writing.

Anyway... Family always comes first -- sacrifices made are hard, but always worth it in the long-term view. Things will work out, don't worry.