posted
Definitely the second version. Many people (I am not one of them) dislike 1st person in general, but even I am not a fan of 1st person present tense.
The only times I've seen it used in a popular book is in the mainstream literature section, and to be honest I can't wade through those artsy-fartsy tomes.
Science fiction and fantasy readers, while they like their subject matter to be novel and boundary-pushing, they don't like their prose the same way.
While you are correct that the first example is more 'edgey and raw' I would put to you that those qualities are negatives in the genre market.
The second one feels more comfortable and familiar, thus it disappears into the background. When people read genre books, they don't want to be pulled out of the story by writing that is obvious; they want the writing to transparently expose the story behind it.
Read Orson Scott Card's excellent book on this type of thing: Characters and Viewpoint, which discusses exactly this scenario and the pros and cons.
Note: Anything CAN be done, even in sci fi. But it has a price. The question is if the price is worth it.
posted
Agreed with everything above. When I read present tense, it makes me shudder. I constatnly am pulled out of the narrative, and it FEELS like I'm reading.
The 2nd one feels much more natural to me as a reader.
posted
I also agree with everything said above. I like the 2nd version better. I'm not much of a fan of present tense, especially in the sci-fi/fantasy genres.
Posts: 107 | Registered: Nov 2005
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posted
Yup, the second one, although present tense can be quite good when done right, even in first person. "The Speed of Dark" by Elizabeth Moon, for example.
Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
I should add that when used sparingly, present tense can be quite appropriate. For example, my story "Respite" which you can read the beginning of at Intergalactic Medicine Show for free, uses third person past tense as the main vehicle to tell the story. However, when I wanted to really show my character's thoughts, I slipped into 1st person present tense.
As I said before, everything can be done if you have weighed the cost. Some readers found my technique jarring, but most seemed to either not notice it, or it didn't bother them. Thus, I feel the price was worth it for me personally.
But I would hesitate to write large blocks of text in 1st person present tense for the reasons mentioned in my earlier post.
posted
Well, since the character is telling the story at some point ahead of when the incident happened, I would incline towards past tense.
I also incline towards more immediacy in verbs. "I sat at my kitchen table," rather than "I was sitting;" and "it rained in sheets" rather than "it was raining in sheets," and...well, you get the idea. (I wish I could follow my preaching as often as I do it, though...)
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