posted
I have some words underlined because they are in -- from the point of view of the narrator -- a foreign language. In this odd case, the foreign language is English. The narrator is a nonhuman. Real foreign language.
Anyway, so I have some words underlined because they are "foreign." Then I have a word I want to show is emphasized by the speaker in a bit of dialogue. I didn't want to underline it because of the "foreign" English words that are underlined nearby. So I tried to stre-e-etch it out. But a couple of critiquers have taken that to mean the speaker is stuttering.
How can I show emphasis other than underlining, or is the mistaken stuttering just an anamoly with a few people?
posted
Agreed - I rarely use underlining, as a personal preference. Italics are the way I use emphasis.
Seeing a word with hyphens in it, stretched out like your example, would make me think stuttering as well. If I'm stretching something out, I'll use elipses. That way... you get... a sense of... space... between the... words.
posted
I'm guessing Arriki is using underlining because it's the proper way to denote italics when using standard mauscript format, so here's another thought: Can it not simply be stated that the word in question is emphasized? "The dog ran fast," he said, stretching out the word "dog" for emphasis. Of course, if there are other words underlined in the same sentence, this probably wouldn't work, either.
Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
The problem may be that you're adding in repetition of letters, as in your example, "stre-e-etch". If you want to divide a word into syllables, you should just use the hyphens to mark the divisions, you don't add in any extra letters. That is in-cor-rect and con-fus-ing. If you're having a problem because the word you want to stretch doesn't have a lot of proper syllables, chose another word with more (e-lon-gate or e-nun-ci-ate rather than stretch, for example).
Or you could just use word-choice period to present the stress. After all, your character isn't speaking English, if there is some special meaning to a given manner of pronouncing a word, it is probably better translated into English as a different word altogether.
posted
Can you give us a sentence in which you use this technique? I am having a hard time seeing what you're talking about from your description.
Posts: 1750 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Underlining will work (and italics are rejection fodder, in MS format). I saw this in The Mote in God's Eye. A bit of dialogue, in which an alien expert on humanity reports on a human group to her boss: "It was evident in their faces." The aliens don't have facial expressions, so they don't have a word and imported ours.
I think this will be easily understood. I'd be confused by the dashes, and think stuttering or spelling (as in "R-E-S-P-E-C-T").
posted
The bit of dialogue as it reads now is as follows:
"It's a-a-lien, idiot. Who knows what it can do?"
So, the word, for the reader, is a perfectly normal English word. Alien. I'm stuck with that particular word because of the story itself. "Foreign" just won't work.
And, yes. I underline to indicate italics. But I don't want to right here because I'm using the underline (italics) close by to indicate another word -- "Disease" -- is a foreign (alien) word to the narrator and to the people (nonhumans but humanoid) in the scene. If I use italics to indicate two different conditions in consecutive paragraphs, I'm afraid I'm going to confuse the reader.
[This message has been edited by arriki (edited March 06, 2006).]
posted
I'm not sure I understood everything, but if you want to stretch a word, adding a speech tag seems the best bet to me. Your version definitely sounds like stuttering to me.
quote:"It's alien, idiot," he said, slightly drawing out the word to call attention to it.
Ok, my writing is rubbish, but you get the idea.
Posts: 1075 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
At the risk of contradicting the position I've recently taken elsewhere on the boards...underlining words in a manuscript is generally accepted as a stand-in for italics. At a glance, the typesetter (and editor, and reader) can't distinguish between italics and normal type...and besides, until the tail end of the typewriter era, it would've required (in most kinds of typewriters) two separate typewriters to properly do both.
Posts: 8809 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
I think Silver is on the right track. But you may want to try rephrasing so that the word "alien" is the last word in that snippet of dialogue, then find a short perfect tag as Silver suggested. The dashes did not make me assume the speaker was stuttering. Just make it clear by using dialogue with tags the first few times he speaks, then most readers will get what the dashes mean. From my experience, if you can avoid using italics it is best to do so.
Posts: 397 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
"It's xe-no-gen-ic," like I said, there are other words for most words in English.
I can see why your readers thought you were stuttering. Even if you wanted to use the word "alien", you could have said "a-li-en", the correct breakdown into syllables, rather than "a-a-lien". That really does make it look like the character is stuttering.
I think your ideas, one of them, may solve my problem. It's such a picky little problem, but it ruins the scene to have someone think the character stutters. And I don't want to interject some blatant direction into a fast scene, telling the reader what to think.
posted
Instead of "drawing out the a's exaggeratedly" (and to get rid of the adverb, "exaggeratedly," whether it's a real word or not), it might be better to say "exaggerating the a's"--that way you're using a stronger verb.
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posted
I don't want to have to direct the reader. I hate that myself when I'm reading a book. I just need to show the reader somehow that Kiya is drawing out the word for emphasis.
posted
It gets the idea of an exaggerated enunciation across. Capitalization might get across the idea of verbal "capitalization". The first one seems like stuttering, even if you put that apostrophe where it should be. The second version sounds rather mocking, if you sound it out "aaAAlien!"
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