posted
I'm in a little bit of a bind. I have three MCs (though the girl, "A" is the real focus of the story). Of the two boys, "B" is her best friend and "C" is one who has befriended the two of them. Now C is falling in love with A, and A is starting to return his feelings very slowly. What is the best way to portray A (at first so resistant to the idea of falling in love) as beginning to accept her feelings for C? I don't want a sort of love triangle, where the B loves A and he and C compete. However, I do want a certain amount of jealousy as B realizes that A is beginning to value C as much as she values B. I've never dated anyone and thus never gone through the progression of reluctance all the way to love. I don't know how to explain the love between A and C without making it so unbelievable that readers throw down the book in disgust. Or, do you think I'm trying too hard and I should just let the idea unfold on its own? Suggestions? I'll try to post 13 lines when I've got my laptop in front of me instead of my Mom's computer.
Posts: 46 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Love happening little by little means finding things they have in common one at a time. It means admiring something the observed does well and admiring it.
But Love goes beyond that, Love is permeating and the object of love will be present in all of a romantic character's thoughts.
I do not know that this is a subject you can write believably about without some experience. I do wish you luck.
posted
There is love, and there is the non-love love that happens before you're in love while you're falling in love. I suppose, for lack of a better word, we can call it infatuation. Though that word, unfortunately, now evokes a slightly different definition. So we'll call it pre-love.
Pre-love is the super nerves, the getting-to-know-you, the can't-think-of-anything-else, the rose colored glasses, the glass half-full or more likely but less logically all-full, the "when I first met him I thought X without question, but now I'm starting to think that perhaps Y", the irritated-by-and-disapproving-of-your-own-feelings, the really really self-conscious feelings of conspicuousness whenever you are around or talking about the object of your pre-love, the blow-off-your-friends-to-be-with-him/her, the accidental-brush-of-a-hand-is-more-electrifying-than-full-sexual-satisfaction, the how-dare-my-friends-question-my-judgement, the pits.
Love is all of that, except tempered by the reality that in real life people are just people, they have as many flaws as they have merits, and you've just happened to find someone whose flaws and merits mesh with your own in the right places and who, hopefully, still makes you get butterflies when they smile at you just so even after the 'honeymoon' phase is long gone.
posted
Heck, even I've dated. And been in love. I've never progressed from reluctance to being in love, though. That might be more of a girl thing.
I would call sojoyful's "pre-love" romantic tension or flirtation. It's a stage when your still negotiating whether or not both of you are interested. Some people will tend to skip this part, resulting in a one-sided relationship. Others never progress beyond it, guys are especially prone to this but you'll also see women who just can't settle down in a relationship. This isn't a matter of commitment, though it's related. It's a matter of reaching a point where both parties can confidently state that there is a relationship (whether or not it's a permanent one).
I'd call that level being "in love". When both parties haven't gone through the flirting stage with enough give and take to "realize their own feelings" at about the same time, it will be one-sided, as I mentioned before. Because this stage is characterized by a level of certainty about one's own feelings, it doesn't lend itself to the sort of nervous energy that characterizes flirtation. So if a one-sided relationship occurs at this point, it's unlikely to work out, because flirtation is usually necessary to develop a feeling of infatuation in at least one of the partners (generally the one that didn't just fall in love right from teh start).
Eventually, the condition of being "in love" reaches a crisis when one or both parties realize that being "in love" doesn't automatically solve all their problems. Depending on the maturity of the involved persons, they may become disillusioned and fall out of love or they may be able to establish a committed relationship where mutual honor, respect, and trust are recognized as the foundation of continued fidelity rather than relying on feeling "in love" all the time. It isn't strictly necessary that both partners practice this consciously, if one person puts in enough work and the other person is at least easily pleased and of a naturally pleasant disposition, then it can work. Of course, it's best if both partners put in a lot of work, both are easily pleased, and both are naturally pleasant. But I have a feeling that your story probably doesn't contemplate the details of a committed relationship.
Anyway, you should probably at least get some real-life experience. Not that this will necessarily help, I was embarrassingly old before I realized that girls did certain things because they were flirting. Not that I didn't like it, but I didn't know that they were doing it so that I would like it. You know.
posted
Survivor, don't feel bad. I (a woman) was embarrassingly old before I realized *I* was doing those things and that they were flirting. A lot of things we do reflexively, like breathing.
You know, that's actually another element of an answer to the question in this post. There are the things that the character will be aware of, and the things she will do unconsciously. Which ones you can develop will depend on the POV and depth you are using.
posted
Thank you all for the great suggestions. Now that I know what to look for, I'm noticing my friends acting out just about everything I need for the story. As a matter of fact, my best friend is behaving curiously like my MC...coincidence?
Posts: 46 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
Realizing that love isn't the answer to all your problems doesn't mean you fall out of love, it just means you keep looking for answers. It is a greater problem if one fell out of love and still thought being in love was the answer, which is when one would start looking for love in all the wrong places.
I've had very little experience with men being attracted to me. If they ever were, they must have been terrified of me. If you don't count guys who honk at me from passing cars. It is an odd man that would presume a connection without any encouragement. They tend to be afraid of rejection, from what I've read.
Some popular media representations of this situation would include Harry Potter 4 and Cabaret.
posted
I'm pretty sure you've had more actual relationships than I have, though. Like, if we measure in any objectively discernable criteria. As you say, realizing that feelings of love aren't the answer to everything doesn't mean you fall out of love unless you (or your partner) fail to realize that being in love can't solve everything.
Being in love is fun, of course. But it's cruel to play with a woman's heart just for fun.
posted
I've just grown up oblivious to romantic attraction. I was a gawky, unattractive girl until I hit 17, and then all of a sudden guys were looking at me. It was/is very strange. If I go out with my best female friend (a major flirt who knows it and likes it) she's constantly amazed that I don't notice the cute guy one table over who's smiling at me. She tried to teach me to flirt and I failed miserably. So I gave up. Then she gave up, and it did wonders for our friendship.
I had 17 years of conditioning against me that were too hard to overcome. My mind has never run in romantic circles and it takes too long to re-train it. Hence the reason that I am still single, unkissed, and inattentive to the male species.
posted
From out here, that stuff about male and female humans being from different species really doesn't fly. I'm just saying, is all
As for not being an object of sexual interest till you hit 17...I think that's a good thing. I mean, girls younger than 16 shouldn't be thought of that way anyway just on general principles. And I don't mean "by adult men", I mean by anyone. With the possible exception of totally helpless (and sexless) plushie animals
For guys, I'd put the age a bit higher, like 20. But that's just me. I think it's okay for teenage boys to chase after girls their same age, but it should be a chase, as in the girls should be running the other way. Or just cruelly rejecting them.
quote:I've just grown up oblivious to romantic attraction. I was a gawky, unattractive girl until I hit 17, and then all of a sudden guys were looking at me. It was/is very strange. If I go out with my best female friend (a major flirt who knows it and likes it) she's constantly amazed that I don't notice the cute guy one table over who's smiling at me. She tried to teach me to flirt and I failed miserably. So I gave up. Then she gave up, and it did wonders for our friendship. I had 17 years of conditioning against me that were too hard to overcome. My mind has never run in romantic circles and it takes too long to re-train it. Hence the reason that I am still single, unkissed, and inattentive to the male species.
I'm 19, male and am exactly the same way, though I have being kissed by all of my girlfriends, which I can count on one hand.
*counts 1, 2 and 3.*
Anyway, doesn't matter how old you are when your first kiss happens, or when you get married and all that. In writing, it's all in our heads, and the more imaginative you are, sometimes, the better the story is. So, if you want to know what love is, just look at your family, close friends etc, use them as examples. I do.
posted
I just realized there's a letter missing from this thread title. Oh well, it will probably happen to me in a much more embarassing way in the near future.
Men and women are not different species, but the chances of a given man and a given woman having a separation amounting to a cultural difference is pretty good. Maybe that's why we have culture, to improve the chances of people staying successfully married, to dilute the effect of gender differences.
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