posted
There's a piece in OSC's Characters & Viewpoint. Something like:
quote:The sun wakes me, blinding me. The note is still on the pillow. I get up (blah blah blah, details of morning rituals). The water of the shower pours over me, cleansing me; the grief remains. Stale toast and weak coffee await me in the kitchen. ...
His point: it's all surface detail. Even though we're in 3PL, we're getting almost no detail that cinematic wouldn't give; and the two things that really matter, the author won't tell us: grief about what? And what's in that *@#$!! note?
I think it's subtle, because the *author* knows what's in the note and why we should care, and thus is excited by the story -- but us poor readers don't, so we don't feel hooked.
Written by Elan in response, when I posted this in F&F:
...
But other than that, I second Will's observations. So many stories are so dry because the author is afraid to get into the juice of how the characters FEEL.
[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited October 21, 2006).]
Be careful of going too far in the opposite direction, though; it is just as unengaging to write paragraphs of internal monologue of the character moping and flashbacks about the note and why it's so awful.
posted
For all that I was silly with your post in F&F, I agree completely with it. Having had some things critiqued here and at Critters, I think it's one of the best reasons to get reviewers of your work -- to help figure out when you're doing that when you don't mean to. Your character's motivations are always clearer to you than to your readers, which means you may need to be more explicit than you think.
I think it was you who quoted OSC to me: "Better 'duh!' than 'huh?'"
posted
Very good point. I tink a lot of beginning writers miss the fact that while they know what's going on, the reader doesn't unless they tell (or show) them. They know what's in the note and want the reader to feel curiosity. So basically, here is what the author is hoping goes through the readr's head:
"Oh, poor man! He feels awful. He can barely step through his day? Whatever happened to make him so miserable? What could possibly be so bad in that note?"
But very few readers will feel that way. The vast marjoity will be thinking this:
"What's in the dang (or a stronger word) note? What an annoying, mopy guy. Boo hoo."
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited October 21, 2006).]
quote:it is just as unengaging to write paragraphs of internal monologue of the character moping and flashbacks about the note and why it's so awful
However, you can make the very same internal monolog engaging if you break it up with some action and dialog. Getting deep into a character's head and staying there can be an intense experience for the reader, and that can be used to great effect. Because it is so intense, it must be used sparingly or diluted somewhat with actions. Beth's comment about staying in the character's head droning on about the awful note is right on. If the character is miserable and the writer stays deep inside the head, then the reader becomes miserable. That said, it is truly difficult to find the sweet spot where the emotional intensity is highest without crossing the line and becoming overbearing to the point the reader gets knocked out of the story.
posted
Well, in this example, the obvious implication---certainly the one the average reader will jump to upon reading---is that the note is a "Dear John" from an ex-girlfriend / ex-boyfriend. (Gender undefined in the example.) This situation, and that assumption, carries a certain emotional weight in itself.
Of course it need not be that particular situation, with further development only a short ways away in the story.
posted
It's also terrible at the wordcraft level. And note to the pity party organizers, you don't want to say "me" that often in your invitations. Nobody else is going to want to come.
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