posted
OK I'm not sure which of these is the proper convention.
"Yeah, that's a good grammar question," Joe said biting into his pizza, "if you're an idiot."
"Yeah, that's a good grammar question," Joe said biting into his pizza, "If you're an idiot."
I'm talking about the capitalization of the new dialog after the tag. I automatically assume that it shouldn't be capitalized, since it's part of the same sentence, but then again it is new dialog. So now I'm second guessing myself.
posted
Yeah, the lower-case if is correct, but the entire sentence isn't especially good style.
A 'said' in the middle of sentence is a very effective device to tell the reader there is a pause in the speech. Without the pizza bit, no problem.
Here, your character is also taking an action. Taking a bite of pizza takes longer than a pause, so this action should be separated into sentences.
quote:"Yeah, that's a good grammar question," Joe said biting into his pizza, "If you're an idiot."
becomes
"Yeah, that's a good grammar question." Joe took a bite of his pizza as he continued. "If you;re an idiot."
or
"Yeah, that's a good grammar question," Joe said. He bit into his pizza and forced the rest of his thoughts past the gnashed dough and cheese, and sprinkling the words with bits of sausage. "If you're an idiot."
Both imply some chewing occurs as Joe reduces the mouthful to something he can talk around.
posted
Well, I disagree on the "as he continued" which implies that he continues simulateous to taking a bite. While that may be possible, it would be messy and he'd spray bits of pizza all over me. Yuck.
I would prefer something along the lines of:
"Yeah, that's a good grammar question..." Joe took a bite of his pizza and chewed it as he looked at me thoughtfully. "If you're an idiot."
Since the original thought is left unfinished, I think the elipsis is important. And I do like action to replace dialogue tags. But of course, none of those answer the original question. LOL
[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited December 16, 2007).]
posted
I generally prefer short and factual sentences, with the verb as close to the action as you can get---except in dialog, where I figure anything goes. " 'Yeah, that's a good grammar question,' Joe said. He bit into his pizza. 'If you're an idiot.' "
(Of course what I write here isn't what I tolerate when I'm writing fiction.)
Other than that...if " 'if you're an idiot' " is a complete sentence, yes it has to be capitalized---and yes, you have to change the comma after "pizza" to a period.
posted
I think "if you're an idiot" is a sentence fragment. But in dialogue I frequently do use sentence fragments so I see nothing wrong with that. Posts: 1588 | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
I believe in 3) you should replace the comma with a period.
However, I don't see the point in including a dialogue tag when there is a description of action in the paragraph. In each of those examples, it would be clear that John was the speaker since action by the speaker should be the only action in a paragraph with dialogue.
Heh. I love how we can endlessly debate these minutia.
posted
Strange, no one pointed out that it's almost impossible to say anything while biting into a piece of pizza.
Posts: 130 | Registered: Apr 2007
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posted
Well, the previous line was "...Harry said, looking to Joe, who was exceptionally talented at speaking while eating."Posts: 2195 | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
If it's a sentence fragment, then it needs three dots as an indicator. " '...if you're an idiot.' "
Posts: 8809 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
I've never heard of putting an elipsis before something. It normally marks something that trails off when you leave a sentence incomplete.
Posts: 1588 | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
If you want to put action in the middle of a complete sentence of dialog, you've got to figure out some way of indicating it that doesn't confuse the reader.
Posts: 8809 | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
It's a pretty decent way to place a pause in the action. I prefer to do it (put the pause in) different ways but it's still valid. Like every other technique the trick is in using it effectively.
Posts: 1210 | Registered: Feb 2006
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quote:Well, I disagree on the "as he continued" which
The content of the sentence wasn't my point. The point was the use of a tag mid-sentence is a good device to indicate a pause. Also, that in the exact context of teh sentence under discussion, there was more than just a pause. That point seems not to be disputed.
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