posted
Thanks to Hatracker's help, I had a query letter I was completely pleased with. But then I decided to totally re-write it "blurb style" for the agents that like that sort of query letter. Please tell me what you think of this version: what is good, what is confusing, what doesn't seem necessary, etc. Thanks.
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I'd like to tell you about my 83,000 word fantasy novel, Demands of the Throne.
Rica is a common soldier who is thrust into a deadly situation when she is chosen as the next queen of Norida. High Minister Kobri believes that Rica will be easy to manipulate and that he will remain the true power in Norida as he has been for the last twelve years. He is wrong.
Rica is determined to make her own decisions, even if it kills her--and it looks like it might. Kobri isn't content with second place. But now there's more on the line than just power. A rival lord attempts to expose Kobri's involvement in the assassination of the previous king in the hopes that Rica will arrest Kobri. Will Rica survive these intrigues, keep her throne, and bring her enemies to justice?
The full manuscript of Demands of the Throne is available upon request. A self-addressed, stamped envelope is enclosed for your reply. Thank you for your time and consideration.
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[Note: Just realized I got the title of this post wrong. *blush* The new title really is "Demands of the Throne."]
[This message has been edited by DebbieKW (edited August 23, 2007).]
posted
Personally, I like it. I like it a lot. If I had written this, I wouldn't hesitate another moment - I'd drop it in the mail box (careful not to forget that SASE) post haste in order to hasten the post.
posted
Great! I've read the other versions as they have come along, and this one is by far the best. I agree with the other responders, this is ready. Good Luck! Posts: 346 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Wow, thanks for the praise. I'm getting everything ready to query my top seven agent choices, so I expect to get this out in the mail in about a week. Obviously, I'll let everyone here know if this query letter manages to "hook" an agent! Thanks for all the help.
Posts: 357 | Registered: Feb 2007
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posted
I don't know anything about query letters, that aside I will attempt to relay the zero wisdom that I have.
I like that it is brief and pointed. Clear, crisp, easy to swallow, but it feels more like a commercial, or the blurb on the back of the book's jacket... is that proper or should the query letter reveal the ending?
quote:I like that it is brief and pointed. Clear, crisp, easy to swallow, but it feels more like a commercial, or the blurb on the back of the book's jacket... is that proper or should the query letter reveal the ending?
Zero, from what I've read on various editor and agent websites:
If you are submitting a query letter directly to editors, I've concluded they tend to want more of a "short-synopsis that's got voice and is interesting." They want to know a bit about what specifically happens in the story as well as the stakes and motivations of the main characters. Some agents like that, too.
However, a fair number of agents have said that the only thing the query letter has to do is make them want to read more--like the blurb on the back of the book's jacket. These agents are often the ones that also want a short synopsis included with the query letter, and you do need to include the ending in the synopsis.
posted
humm, sounds a lot like my revised query on King's Falcon. Although mine "there's more at stake than mere succession" applies to yours too. I've taken that line out of the most recent version if you want to use it. It's a bit less clunky than the version you have.
It could describe my story if you change the names. But then you've already commented on how funny it is that our story lines are so close.
It mostly works though. The problem both of us have is the whole usurper to the throne and rightful heir trying to regain the throne is a very stock fantasy plot. There is nothing here that makes this stand out from that stock plot. You've dropped out the assassination attempts on her.
The best line is probably - "Rica is determined to make her own decisions, even it it kills her - and it looks like it might."
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