Scrapehorn was dustier than usual the day Norenn arrived. Kicked up by men who had been working through the night, it provided cover, the advantage of which was felt by a woman in the harshest of the Scrapes. She moved through the streets, her long body adapting quickly to the rhythm of the workers, attracting little notice. Though the High Major had rescinded the restrictions on the movement of women, the fear of their developing powers persisted. In Scrapehorn, the fear was palpable.
Two women in the open during the day wasn’t a common occurrence, but Norenn wasn’t the only women who had arrived in Scrapehorn. From a shadowy corner of The Breaker’s Inn, Sara, petite and fair, shrewdly eyed her counterpart through a window.

Here are some of the nits and speed-bumps I noticed (with the usual unpublished writer qualification--what do I know?). I'm being picky because first impressions are so crucial:

1. Because this is fantasy and names have such fluid associations, I wasn't immediately sure that Scrapehorn was a place rather than a person. You might consider saying "Scrapehorn was a dustier town than usual...."
2. I agree with the first critiquer re the connection between "it" and "dust" and the importance of describing environmental factors.
3. "...the advantage of which was felt by a woman in the harshest of the Scrapes...." seems a little awkward to me. You might consider "...as a woman, Norenn appreciated the advantage it afforded her in the harshest of the Scrapes."
4. "...her long body adapting quickly to the rhythm of the workers...." So far, this is the first descriptor you use for Norenn. It gives me the impression that her body is unusually long or otherwise remarkable. Is this so? I have a hard time envisioning how she adapts to the rhythm of the workers. You've mentioned them twice, but haven't said what they're doing, so I can't see how Norenn is walking/moving.
5. Juxtaposing "...attracting little notice...." with the residue of fear that pervades the town seems contradictory. You might consider moving the third sentence of the paragraph to the end of the paragraph and restructuring it to read "But she attracted little notice as she moved through the streets, adapting her long body to the rhythm of the workers."
6. In the next paragraph, I get confused about where the two characters are. You begin by talking about two women in the open, which to me implies they are both in the street, but then it seems that Sara is inside the Inn, looking through a window.
7. "...she relaxed her face...." seems awkward to me. You might drop this clause altogether, since in the next you say her demeanor changes.

quote:

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Scrapehorn [Is Scrapehorn a person, a town, a city, a dog?] was dustier than usual the day Norenn arrived. Kicked up by men who had been working through the night, it [What "it" is isn't immediately clear. Just say "the cloud of dust" or whatever here.] provided cover, the advantage of which was felt by a woman [Is this woman someone "in general" or a reference to Norenn or referring to another woman that we will be introduced to?] in the harshest of the Scrapes. [At first, I thought that the men were done working because they had worked "through the night," so I wondered why the settled dust provided cover. I'm guessing you mean to convey that dust is currently being kicked up by the workers. This makes me curious about what the workers are doing that is so urgent. Also, I'm not sure what "Scrapes" are. A part of town or a situation? If a part of town, why are so many men working non-stop throughout the night in all parts of the city doing this highly dust-kicking job?] She moved through the streets, her long body adapting quickly to the rhythm of the workers, attracting little notice. [It's a nice sentence, but I'm not certain what "body adapting to the rhythm of the workers" means since 1) I don't know what the workers are doing and 2) I'm not sure if this mean she falls into a worker line to move through an area or if this means she's easily dodging workers as she moves along.] Though the High Major had rescinded the restrictions on the movement of women, the fear of their developing powers persisted. In Scrapehorn, the fear was palpable. [This is what hooked me.]

Two women in the open during the day wasn’t a common occurrence, but Norenn wasn’t the only women who had arrived in Scrapehorn. [You mention two women outside (by which I assume you mean outside at the same time), but the only other woman you mention by name is a woman inside the Inn. I'm assuming Sara lives/works at the Inn by the way she puts on a certain demeanor before turning away from the window and the fact that she is in an Inn. If this other "outdoors" woman isn't currently important to the narrative, perhaps you should leave her out until she is.] From a shadowy corner of The Breaker’s Inn, Sara, petite and fair, shrewdly eyed her counterpart through a window. Her face was severe, her lips pursed. [I assumed this description was of Noreen since Sara is eying "her counterpart" right before this description, but the following sentence makes me think this is the view of Sara...in the window reflection? Who's viewing her? I was assuming this story was going to be in Sara's POV.] But as she caught sight of Norenn entering the inn, she relaxed her face, and her demeanor changed from commanding to shy. Her eyes turned to the floor and her shoulders slumped, making her appear like a small, frightened child.

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Scrapehorn was a dustier town than usual the day Norenn arrived. The veil of dust in the streets provided some cover, but not enough for a woman in the harshest of the Scrapes. Her masculine clothing and intimidating stature made observers wary, but the lithe movement of her body, suggestive of a Guardian, ensured against any hasty confrontations. Though the High Major had rescinded the restrictions on the movement of women, the fear of their developing powers persisted. In Scrapehorn, the fear was palpable.
Two women in public was an unusual occurence, but Norenn wasn’t the only woman who had arrived in Scrapehorn that day. From a shadowy corner of The Breaker’s Inn, Sara, petite and fair, shrewdly eyed her unknown counterpart through a window.

The dust isn't really important. I hope this works better. Also, Norenn is Sara's counterpart - as in they are the two women in public that day. They don't know each other, though. The opening chapter is when they meet. Sara pretends to be a naive girl coming to live with her brother in Scrapehorn, although she is an intelligent and resourceful witch. Norenn is a Guardian (being tall and graceful is an important part of that), which involves its own kind of magic. Norenn covers her true identity and purpose in Scrapehorn as well. The deception is really just practical, considering the world they live in. Witches and Guardians aren't enemies necessarily, but...well, anyway, their meeting is an attempt on each side to gain information from the other. I don't know if this is a good way to start the novel - I'm having trouble with it. In the next chapter, they meet each other again and realize that they both lied and have both come to Scrapehorn to work for the High Major. These two characters are central to the story, and their relationship is shaped largely by this deception at their first meeting. I want to get it right.

I guess I'm not really sure what needs to happen in the first 13 lines.

"Norenn arrived in the town of Scrapehorn on the day of the harvest celebration."

What you have is fine, but if the dust isn't important, then maybe having a second line something like:

"The crowds of men in the streets provided some cover, but not enough to hide a woman in the harshest of the Scrapes."