posted
This is the first thirteen lines of my novel. It is set in 1860. It is historical fiction (of sorts) and places three men with different "secrets' persay in each other's lives. I'm soooo not sure how to even BEGIN to start this book, so with trepidation, I am bringing it to you for some serious help. Here goes...(by the way I've started this story several times and have yet found something I'm comfortable with)
!!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*
Great and dreadful. As Seth looked over the edge of the falls, he began to have a better understanding. The falls in all their majestic power were great, yet could be dreadful for one so to close to the edge. Life, was "great and dreadful" he realised then and there. His friend Julien had spent the last days of his life trying to teach the would be trader that the world was full of opportunity and to seize it as it comes. The Indians had instilled in him a sense of peace and inner trust. Annie had...tried to teach him the ways of his people. That was one lesson he was finding hard to learn. Then there were the falls. Water rushed over them with such force the whole earth shake beneath his feet. Leastwise Seth believed it was the vibrations of the falls and not his dread of the future.
posted
This is a novel. Novels pace themselves differently from short stories, because they have the luxury of space, and I've never been convincde that a novel needs the same kind of editorial first-13 hook that a short story does (because an editor will have an outline/synopsis as well as a sample chapter or three, while from a reader perspective the back cover teaser is usually the main hook).
Here, you have Seth standing at... some falls. We don't know where, and you don't describe them. We get a mention of Julien, who is apparently dead. We get a slightly convoluted mention that Seth is a "would-be trader" (trading what, to whom, where?). We get a mention of Indians (who could be Native Americans or people in India, for all we know). We get a mention of Anna, and of "his (Seth's) people". But we don't get anything more about any of these things. I'm sure they are going to be important, but I'm just reading this as a dizzying whirl of incomplete information.
"Water rushed over them with such force the whole earth shake beneath his feet." First - shook, not shake. Second - not convinced, and I've stood next to one of the biggest waterfalls in the world. Rock felt perfectly solid to me. Might well feel different at the BOTTOM of the falls, where the impact is, but Seth is clearly at the top.
posted
Thanks for the input. I'm notoriously bad at not revealing all information until I'm ready. I guess I like the sense of "mystery" however I can see how mystery can quickly become confusion.
As I said, I'm struggling with the opening lines of this novel, but think I may have it. I'll post it later.
posted
I like your “great and dreadful” metaphor, a lot. I think that it has the potential for great resonance. That said, I thought that his description of the falls seemed a little off. I’ve read quite a few Native American stories, and they have a distinctive flavor to them. If you could match the descriptive tone, I think it would set your story a little better.
If you’re interested Lakota Writings is an interesting site.
posted
I think what doesn't work for me is this "dread of the future" Seth refers to. Why not cut to the chase and just tell us what, specifically, he's dreading? An abstract dread doesn't really pull me in. Nor does this roster of people who have influenced his life.
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