posted
This is my first YA fantasy novel. I'm 20,000 words in and climbing. Anyone interested? Short summary after the 13 lines
Catherine had done everything she could to prepare for the birth and still she was terrified. A basket filled with beach grass was nestled in the darkest corner of the hanging locker. In the other corner, she had put a cushion for her own comfort, the smallest lantern, a jug of boiled water, a piece of parchment, three clean towels and a pair of blackened scissors just in case the cord caught around a kitten's neck. It was quite crowded on Catherine's side, while Lypso had all the room and comfort a mother cat could want. But Lypso wanted none of it. Instead, the petite black cat with a white bib sprawled in the middle of Catherine's cot, panting and mewing plaintively as her belly rippled again. Catherine stroked Lypso's head and waited for the contraction
Summary: Fouteen-year-old Catherine, born with a caul, cannot be drowned but she also cannot go to sea. Determined to break the social superstition that woman are unlucky on ships, Catherine hatches a plan to raise cats and sell their cauls to sailors so she can buy her father a ship that she can crew on. When her own father is saved from shipwreck by one of her caul papers, Catherine is sure he'll now support her plan but instead he seems more afraid than ever, launching them into a nefarious trade with pirates and causing Catherine to run away to the high seas with a ship of misfits, on a quest to prove herself as seaworthy as any man.
[This message has been edited by rippatton (edited October 14, 2008).]
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited October 14, 2008).]
posted
Solid fundamentals, and nice, understated (but effective) hook. I like it.
My suggestion would be to make it leaner by trimming adjectives and adverbs. (this is the pot calling the kettle black, believe me, but it works).
You have strong verbs and good, solid nouns, so you don't need a lot of the descriptors. "quite crowded" is not an improvement on "crowded," for example, and "panting and mewing plaintively" doesn't paint any better of a picture than "panting and mewing."
My main question, though, is what the heck is a caul?
posted
Haven't read the first book in OSC's Alvin Maker series, I guess, J?
A caul is a head covering, but in this case it refers to the amniotic sack in which a fetus grows inside the womb, and it was believed to have magical properties for protection, especially (at least in the Alvin Maker series) protection of the one who was born with it in that as long as the caul is safe, the person is safe (because of a kind of psychic connection between a person and his or her caul).
posted
Yes, the amniotic sack is described as a caul when it remains intact outside the birth canal, or breaks but remains over the person or animals head like a helmet or hood - thus the hood we now call a caul.
Superstitions concerning cauls include that a caulbearer can't be drowned and neither can anyone with a caul on their person, as well as the ability to see beyond the Veil (Veil being another name for the caul), special connection with other caulbearers and in the case of the Benandanti(Good Walkers) , the ability to do astral projection during sleep to fight the Malandanti (Bad Walkers). I think there are some more too.
posted
Well, one of the reasons I'm here is to keep the 13-line hooks down to 13 lines. Sometimes it's a challenge for people when they first start posting, but I don't think of it as you having messed up. You're just learning how we do things.
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I thought Catherine was pregnant and was getting ready to give birth alone, so it was a bit of a letdown that it was just a pregnant cat. I'd suggest get the cat up front, and an indication of Catherine's youth, to set up my expectations properly.
The reader needs to know what a caul is, so can you somehow fit that in (without the technical explanation)? Maybe something like she was born with the birthing caul covering her head, and ever since...
posted
OK the mind picture I have is of a young girl in a beach shack near the ocean....sort of Cape Cod. At first, the first line made me think it was her that was going to have a baby...as I read on I realized that it was the cat. Not having read Alvin Maker the whole caul thing was a mystery to me...I tried not to read your summary but give you first impressions of the 13 lines. The small drama of birth you created would call me to read on (I have 8 cats of my own) I would have read on anyway to find out...what a caul was. I liked the imagery and had no problem making a mind picture from what was there.
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