While there are grammatical mistakes out the ying-yang on this one, there are a lot of really interesting images, and moments that almost work. It seems like this one is a real diamond in the rough.

My advice for you is to make really good friends with some of the grammar pros here at Hatrack, because it seems like there is a really good writer in you, underneath a bit of language difficulties.

My take,

As I look back in life, the first memories I have as a child were my parents and I traveling to the great city of Belyona and being attack by trolls.sounds off, I'm not sure how to fix it My mother and father were both killed, and I was taken as a slave. I was only 10 years old at the time. TheThings they made me do still haunt me to this day.Like what? Once while cleaning the scraps of meat off bones, I decided to take a bite, and I paid dearly for it. The larger of the trolls caught me, and bit my thumb off, to teach me a lesson, I guess. Many days passed, and I hadn't seen another person, just these trolls. The Days turned into years. Once when the hunters were out, the younger trolls decided they were going to cook me, they tied me to a log and put me over a fire. At first the pain was great, the smell of hair and skin still haunt me. not a complete sentence

Hope this helps.
~Sheena

I have a problem with the tone of this piece. The words are very matter of fact and almost cheery at times, but the subject is very dark. I am not sure if this is what you intended.

Here are some thoughts.

quote:

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As I look back in life, the first memories I have as a child were my parents and I traveling to the great city of Belyona and being attack by trolls.

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The first sentence is important in setting tone. The "As I look back on my life" begining suggests that the mc is looking fondly back over his life, and it is rather jarring at the end of this sentence to find that they were attacked by trolls, even more so that his parents were killed.

This is just an example on how to set the dark tone.

"I have very few memories of my parents, but the day they were killed by the trolls is carved in my mind."

I would like to have more detail on the attack by the trolls, how the parents died, did they try to protect her, etc.

quote:

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My mother and father were both killed, and I was taken as a slave. I was only 10-years-old at the time. Things they made me do still haunt me to this day. I agree with the other commenter, give a few details. Once while cleaning the scraps of meat off bones, I decided to take a bite, and I paid dearly for it. This is another example where the tone is matter of fact. The mc just "decided to take a bite?" I am guessing that the mc was not well fed and starving. How about describing intense hunger as a motivator which would also paint how horrible the mc was being treated. The larger of the trolls caught me, and bit my thumb off, to teach me a lesson I guess. A troll bit off the mc's thumb and the mc just shruggs and says I guess it was to teach me a lesson? Way too matter of fact. Many days have pasted and I haven’t seen another person, just these trolls. Days turned into years. Once when the hunters we’re out the younger trolls decided they were going to cook me, they tied me to a log and put me over a fire. At first the pain was great, the smell of hair and skin still haunt me.

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The rest could be better fleshed out with some vivid details. Like describing the feelings of isolation and the pain of the fire.

Anyway, the tone is real problem for me. Carefully choose how you describe things, think about how your mc would remember these horrible events in his/her life.

Hope this helps.

It is highly unlikely that anyone's first memories would be from when they are 10 years old. Think back on your life and you will find memories going probably into your toddler years. I hold a vivid memory from when I was still in a high chair, for example. Nonetheless, you can fix this by removing the word first:

Something like:

As I look back on my life I don't remember much before trolls attacked my parents and me as we journeyed to Belyona. I was just ten years old at the time and my parents were killed in the attack; probably the reason why I don't remember much about my childhood before then...

I'm having trouble following the rest of the opening, probably because of the tense and grammar issues, but I think I understand the premise.

I was taken captive by the trolls and made their slave. The things they made me do still haunt me to this day...

Here I think you need to give a more grim account of "the things" than the example you lay out of scraping meat off bones. What that would be is up to you, but to me scraping meet off bones does not seam a very harsh thing considering what the captors are. Did they make your MC trap passers by? Did they use you to lure others to their den? That sort of "the things they made me do" stuff.

I wouldn't use the phrase "still haunt me" twice during the opening. Find an alternative for one of the appearances.

You have, nonetheless, made me curious as to why our narrator remembers being burned alive so I would probably want to find out.

You mention "things they made me do." Yet the things mentioned are done to him, not by him. There is nothing about what they made him do.

quote:

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He was 10 when he was captured by trolls. He has no memories before he was 10? Yeah, right. Figure out the childhood. Or simply start with something like: "I was ten when the trolls attacked."

You mention "things they made me do." Yet the things mentioned are done to him, not by him. There is nothing about what they made him do.

His thumb was bitten off for taking a bite of meat? Um, sure. But the reaction is too understated. Your character was maimed.

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I'm going to play the devil's advocate.
If the kid had a nice childhood 'till he was 10, and then got captured into a life of misery and torment, it would make sense to forget those happy times, because in his mind, they would be in contrast with the present torture, or past,in this case. If he would forget those times, the reality of his slavery would become normal. It's just a way to adapt, really.

Again, he was tortured, so he didn't have many choices, in fact, he had none, so another way for the mind to cope with it is to give him fake choices, these what if's, what if i didn't do that, or that? He sees himself guilty of things he wasn't in control of, which in turn, gives him a little freedom.

That said, I would recommend you (the author) know what the MC's childhood is. I as a reader would expect it to be important somewhere along in the story, especially since the MC doesn't know it. Where are the MC's grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins? Siblings? What would the MC have been if it weren't for the trolls?

You might also want to make sure you pin down the moment in time and space from which your MC is narrating his past. Does the MC-as-narrator know stuff now that he didn't know when the action of the story was occurring?

A further note -- the pacing needs a lot of work. If I learned anything from Orson Scott Card, it's how to pace a novel.