Within 12 hours of the earthquake, Felix Schuster was approaching the outer rim of the ragged landscape outlining Lassen peak, an active volcano found in northern California. So odd that an earthquake could disrupt the very spot he had spent so much energy in burying from his mind and memory. Every rock of this place reminded Felix of a scorched past full of despair and confusion over the death of his 15 year old son, Marcel.
At the thought of his sons name, Felix smashed the brakes of his hybrid landrover, stopping the vehicle in precisely the same spot as he’d last parked on the day of the funeral, 10 years ago. Tears burnt across his trembling leathered face as he peeled his death gripped fingers off the steering wheel. Felix only showed emotion in private, and never basked in it.

The next two sentences provide really broad descriptions and it might work better to give specific details. Such as how do the rocks remind Felix of his son. Does he remember playing with him on this ground? Does he remember him lying dead with blood spilling on the rocks? Do the rocks look like one he accidentally threw through a window? Don't just tell us his past was full of despair and confusion show us an example.

Then the part where he breaks into tears is a little too much and too early. It's a little like meeting someone for the first time and they break into tears. It's more awkward than moving. Save the tears for when I know the character more and care about him. Then the tears will mean something to me.

My overall impression is that you have a good idea and your writing style can carry that idea. Like me, I think you struggle with wordiness. Easily fixable as you read these critiques. As for storyline and conflict, I’m not sure I see it...yet. Why is Felix chasing an active volcano? And what will stop him? I assume it’s his failure to come to grips with his son’s death?–from ten years ago? If that is the conflict, then you can improve on it by showing us what Felix is pursuing–his goal. That said, here are some writing edits that you can take or leave as you see fit (but they are all along the lines of wordiness).

Within 12 hours of the earthquake, Felix Schuster was approaching the outer rim of the ragged (“ragged landscape outlining” is confusing and wordy) landscape outlining Lassen peak, an active volcano found in northern California.

So odd that an earthquake could disrupt the very spot he had (try “he’d”) spent so much energy in burying from his mind (choose “mind” or “memory,” not both) and memory.

Every rock of this place (don’t need “of this place”) reminded Felix of a scorched past full of despair (delete “despair” or “confusion”) and confusion over the death of his 15 year old son, Marcel.

At the thought of his sons (apostrophe for “son’s”) name, Felix smashed (smashed seems awkward: slammed is better) the brakes of his hybrid landrover, (but the basic problem with the idea of slamming on brakes due to despair or sadness is that such actions are inconsistent with those emotions. We might drive closer to the edge of a cliff; we might park and sulk; we might think about turning the steering wheel into oncoming traffic, but I doubt we would abruptly slam on brakes. As a metaphor for being shackled by despair, it doesn’t work.)

(Suggest new sentence here) stopping the vehicle in precisely the same spot as he’d last parked on the day of the funeral, 10 years ago.

Tears burnt across his trembling (better if you delete “trembling”) leathered face as he peeled his death gripped (“death-gripped” is over the top melodrama) fingers off the steering wheel. Felix only showed emotion in private, and never basked in it. (Not sure what “never basked in it” means. We all have emotions which we suppress at times. Is that what you mean? We don't bask in the suppresion of emotion.) He wiped his wet cheeks (readers already know his cheeks are wet) with his broad weathered hand and placed a sun visor (unclear. Car visor? A hat sun visor?) across his brow.
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Anyway, those are my nits. I look forward to seeing what Felix’s goal is and how his son’s death plays into thwarting that goal. By the way, consider using a different name than Felix as your hero because the x in Felix is awkward on the tongue and brain when you use the possessive: Felix’s.

quote:

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Felix Schuster stopped the hybrid landrover at the outer rim of the ragged landscape outlining Lassen peak.

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or from the volcano, if that is where you want them to focus.

quote:

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It have been less than 12 hours since the earthquake at Lassen Peak.

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What I like about this beginning is that you show your intensions straight away; you’re going to focus on creating well-rounded characters and you understand the need to make the protagonist sympathetic. This is a great base for a novel, but I think the opening needs a little bit of re-shaping to highlight your strengths.

As always, the following is my ill-informed opinion.

I agree with Wum in making the writing a little bit tighter. The first line sets the tone, so it has to avoid any obvious wordiness. I don’t think we need to know (at this point) that the volcano is active (implied by the earthquake) and the detail about the landscape. The details of landscape and volano can come to us through Felix’s POV as he interacts with the story surrounds. Utahute72 also makes a good point that you want to emphasize either the earthquake or the protagonist in your first line. Given this seems to be a character driven story, I’d suggest Felix is probably the important one.

I’d strongly recommend against including all the information about Marcel the way you’ve included it. If you give us a good enough story problem in the opening, we can learn about this later. Right now you’re telling us information. A flashback so early can often be indicative that you don’t trust your ability to make the story interesting without loading up facts, whereas I’m already interested by the setting and earthquake. You did the job in the first line and then you spoiled it (for me). As soon as you stop the story to go into the past, that’s when I have to “re-gear” mentally. The backstory is potentially interesting and it’s promising in terms of internal motivation and conflict, but the 1st 13 is not the place for it. A flashback is usually a last resort for information (i.e. you can’t infer it through real time dialogue or action) and it’s much better placed in small bits, far apart and after we are so hooked by the story we can live with a small interruption.

Nick

Should I change Felix's name? He's a german immigrant, and a little bit of a sociopath, so maybe something like: Herman? Andreas? Bruno? Fredrick?

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Within 12 hours of the earthquake, Felix Schuster was approaching the outer rim of the ragged landscape outlining Lassen peak, an active volcano found in northern California. So odd that an earthquake could disrupt the very spot he had spent so much energy in burying from his mind and memory. Every rock of this place reminded Felix of a scorched past full of despair and confusion over the death of his 15 year old son, Marcel.
At the thought of his sons name, Felix smashed the brakes of his hybrid landrover, stopping the vehicle in precisely the same spot as he’d last parked on the day of the funeral, 10 years ago. Tears burnt across his trembling leathered face as he peeled his death gripped fingers off the steering wheel. Felix only showed emotion in private, and never basked in it.
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*Within twelve hours*
Always use words unless it's like THX 1138.
Also, within twelve hours is an inexact period of time. Try: "twelve hours after..." But if you do, then you'll have to describe the earthquake more that just using *the*.

*Was approaching*
"approached" Also, he's driving toward it. I had him walking. It might just be me, but it was jarring to have him in a truck later. Try putting the Land Rover line here and see how it plays.
Also, having a hybrid Land Rover says something about him. Does why he chose chose that vehicle come up later?

*Outer rim / outlining*
Pick one.

*Ragged*
Was the earthquake massive? If so, use a stronger word than ragged. That can describe clothing.

*an active volcano found in northern California.*
Omit. Sprinkle this in later through action or character description.

*So odd*
the synonym for odd is strange, but this is either ironic or coincidental.

*could disrupt*
Tense. Try "Disrupted"

*he had spent so much energy in burying from his mind and memory*
I can't figure out how to reword this. I suggest omitting it. I believe there will be other occasions to work this in. Right now I'd like to have a character, a place, and an incident. You have those, so move forward with the story.

*a scorched past*
"His" scorched past.
You have a lot of great, strong words going, but they don't all fit. Scorched and despair in the same sentence seems to clash as they're both talking about his past.

*smashed the brakes*
Hulk smashes... "slammed" is a good one for brakes.

*precisely the same spot as he’d last parked*
This is pretty confusing. I have him on a bleak landscape, near a volcano, where rocks remind him of the past. Now it's a place he parked for a funeral. The Land Rover says he's a rugged dude, maybe his son wanted to be buried on a rocky hillside? That'd be OK.
However, I think this can be moved up. Try: "Why did the earthquake have to disrupt the very ground where he buried his son ten years earlier?" That may be morbid, but it doesn't matter that the earthquake ruined his parking spot.
This reword takes him out of the truck. I believe you're going for an active scene with the driving and brake smashing, but it seems like his painful past is more the more important aspect of the story, so you might sacrifice the action and start the story with him outside the truck already in anguish.

*Tears burnt*
Burnt is past tense. "burned" But I'd suggest removing the tears completely. Too early for that.

*death gripped fingers*
This is a good action, but not the best visual. Try: "white knuckled"

*Felix only showed emotion in private, and never basked in it.*
This would be a great thing for someone else to say in dialog later instead of telling me now. "I've never seen the man cry, not even at the funeral for his son." That sort of thing. Then if you've saved his physical, emotional display, it will have more impact when he finally lets loose.

Axe

quote:

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He's a german immigrant, and a little bit of a sociopath...

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You may have pulled this off beautifully throughout the course of the novel, but why have you chosen a sociopath (even a little bit of one) as your POV protagonist? Flawed characters are good, but unlikeable ones are hard to make work. We may have different definitions of sociopath.