I'm going to critique this a little differently than I have critiqued other 13's. I'm new here and am critiquing for my own education as well as putting in my 2 cents that may or may not be viable.
I like the story and I think its concepts are laid out nicely. So I'm going to pick apart some of the word/sentence structure.
I think the first sentence may be improved by putting ''at the flicker of green light'' at the end. I don't like sentences to start with ''at the'' Starting with the name of the MC would instantly put me in his shoes.
''There was a line of clouds on the horizon''. seems disconnected as just a description of something insignificant in this paragraph. I know it is supposed to be significant, but the simplicity makes it boring. Why are the clouds important? how does Rell perceive them? Don't just tell me there are clouds in the sky. Draw my attention to them by telling me why Rell is drawn to them and thinks that clouds in the sky on this particular day are worth noticing any more than on any other day.
"young seedlings" is redundant
"He still had his head down" I didn't know he did in the first place.
"back before" is redundant but understandable as a common way some old coot starts talking about his past, as long as you want him to talk with these flaws.
You use "spell" as a verb instead of a noun. Is that going to be common in the story? or just a quirk in the way Da talks?
"Then, than, them" all in the next sentence distracted and slowed me down.
"Grimaced" makes me think Rell is disgusted by Da. I suspect you meant to say something like "smirked and raised his eye brows" that constitutes "eye rolling" at this crazy old codger.
I scrutinized much more than I usually would, for two reasons.
There are only 13 lines to critique, and as a type of lesson for myself. I want to learn as much by critiquing as having my own stuff critiqued.
[This message has been edited by RyanRussellLunde (edited September 20, 2011).]