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» Hatrack River Writers Workshop » Forums » Fragments and Feedback for Books » Corsairs

   
Author Topic: Corsairs
Natej11
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Member # 8547

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Hey everyone.

Here's the first thirteen of my YA fantasy. I'm swinging to have it be around 80k words. By the by if anyone wants to swap chapters I'd love to critique and get feedback.

Chapter One
The Smiling Man

Endless noises whispered through the large, drafty hall.

Creaks from rusty springs as those few children with mattresses shifted. The skitter of insects and mice in the corners of the room. The hiss and rattle of wind up in the rafters, pouring through holes in the walls and roof. A few soft whimpers, children crying with hunger or cold, and the quiet breaths of dozens more sleeping to every side.

Above it all, cutting through the sounds like a monster from his worst nightmare, the heavy tread of the Headmaster coming down the long, narrow aisles between the beds.

[ February 20, 2012, 09:25 AM: Message edited by: Natej11 ]

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Denevius
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how long is the chapter you're wishing to swap? depending on it's word length, i'm game to swap pieces.
Posts: 375 | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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