Maybe these are not mutually exclusive but at times and my enjoyment/Predilection for telling character narratives (ie telling a characters story rather than using characters to tell a story) makes me wonder about how "fast" my stories develop.

So in effort I'm pasting some examples of published shorts from major SF/F/H mags and I'd appreciate ya'lls opinion about them. I personally find that much of these are slow in their pacing. I tried to be as "random" as possible in selecting stories so as not to bias the selection. I also believe these are all only 13 lines from the stories. I placed all these in word and courier font before posting.

They do love to talk. There always has to be conversation
before, and afterward, unless they're deeply drunk, words are
pretty much mandatory. Nothing makes women happier than
hours of empty, soul-baring chatter. There's even a few of
them that need to talk while they're doing it. Of course their
words get awfully simple, if it's during. They grunt out
commands and sometimes encouragement, and a few favorite
phrases are repeated with predictable rhythm. But if a man
can hold his cadence, and if he knows what she likes, it isn't
boring. Simple and busy and very crude noise wrapped
around a fair amount of pleasure, or maybe a huge amount of
pleasure. Then it's finished, preferably for him and for her
both, and everyone gets a few moments of silence marked

Magic with Thirteen-Year-Old Boys by Robert Reed FSF March 2007

There's a fine line between a tool and an addictive drug....
Winston was on the Sunset Highway when it happened.
He'd just crested the Sylvan Hill, where the freeway, living up
to its name, lined up directly on the late-afternoon sun. He
squinted, winced, and reached for the visor, but at the same
time, he reached out with his mind, as though trying to wipe
the sunbeams out of his eye with the swipe of a mental
cursor.
It was an obvious fantasy wish, and the safeties should
have ignored it. Instead, he had an odd flickering sensation,
as though crossing from one reality to another—sort of like a
mental hiccup. It wasn't the first time he'd had such a
sensation, and he'd been meaning to have it checked out—

911-Backup by Richard A. Lovett from Analog Nov 2005

The high priest facing the giant stone disk made a hasty
obeisance as a jaguar screamed in the distance, then turned
back to the circle of sub-priests who sat next to the
stonecutter. For a moment there was nothing but the
chattering of monkeys in the forest below the pyramid. The
high priest counted again on his fingers and toes, then looked
at the waiting circle of men.
"So the day of the dog is followed by the day of the
monkey in the month of the new sun in the great cycle of the
Father God One Hunahpu?"
The chief calculator bobbed his head affirmatively and
grinned, showing pointed teeth inlaid with jade. "Which will
be repeated eighteen times twenty, times twenty, turnings of

Keeping Track by Richard Foss from Analog November 2005

Robert wasn't a marine biologist. He was a gardener and a
physicist, in that order. Roses were his first love;
nanomachines came in a distant second. If asked what he
wanted to be remembered for after his death, he would have
said "A new cultivar" rather than "A molecular assembler." He
was well on the way toward the former, and showing
workmanlike progress toward the latter, when disaster struck.
His Edison/Tesla hybrid was showing great promise, with
double blooms and a spicy fragrance that hinted rather than
shouted its presence in the garden. It seemed hardy enough,
even in California's muggy swelter. The change in climate
since the turn of the century had killed many a stalwart
standby, but the E/T rose, as he had come to think of it, kept

Diatomaceous Earth by Jerry Oltion from Analog December 2006

"Hey, you. Yes, you, next to the fern stump."
I parted the camouflage netting covering my foxhole. The
talkative cruise missile hovered a few meters from my position. Ducking, I rolled to the monitors. The sensors I had
deployed across the river showed no advancing enemy.
Nonetheless, I grabbed my weapon.
"If you are going to point a rifle at me," said the missile,
"shoot. Get it over with."
Chagrined, I lowered my weapon. "Kinda be stupid to
shoot five tons of explosives sitting on my doorstep." Kind of
irritating that an alien cruise missile spoke better English than
I did.
"Are you as bored as I am?"

BATTLEFIELD GAMES by R. Neube from Asimov's January 2007

This is what I noticed about most of you examples:

1) Magic with Thirteen-Year-Old Boys: the title is part of the hook, especially in conjunction with the first thirteen lines.

2) 911-Backup and the first line make a hook:

quote:

---

There's a fine line between a tool and an addictive drug....

---

3) Keeping Track; the hook is in the first sentence:

quote:

---

The high priest facing the giant stone disk made a hasty
obeisance as a jaguar screamed in the distance, then turned
back to the circle of sub-priests who sat next to the
stonecutter.

---

4) With Diatomaceous Earth the hook is:

quote:

---

If asked what he
wanted to be remembered for after his death, he would have
said "A new cultivar" rather than "A molecular assembler." He
was well on the way toward the former, and showing
workmanlike progress toward the latter, when disaster struck.

---

5) BATTLEFIELD GAMES, the hook is in the title and:

quote:

---

I parted the camouflage netting covering my foxhole. The
talkative cruise missile hovered a few meters from my position. Ducking, I rolled to the monitors. The sensors I had
deployed across the river showed no advancing enemy.

---

The title is conclusively part of the hook.

I'd say that all of these do indeed have hooks, though they're hooks which a never-published writer submitting to a publisher that receives a lot of submissions might be nervous about offering. They're not explosively hook-y, but in every example, I found myself wanting to read on, at least a little further. They promise a story, though none made me grip the edge of my chair or anything.

A plot driven story is primarily moved forward by something outside of your MC forcing him out of his normal routine. For example, a farmer who is overrun by a war. He has to change his life whether he wants to or not, and he'll get back to his normal life the second the outside stimulus is gone.

A character driven story is not a character study but a story primarily pushed forward by the character's personality or decisions. It's the farmer boy who's tired of farming a sets off to have an adventure.

Frankly, though, I think what the editors mean is that they want stories with interesting, three-dimensional characters rather than 'a really cool story' were the characters clearly only exist so that the story can be told. Get rid of the sterotypes and write living, breathing people with their quirks, strengths, weaknesses, and unexpected qualities.

In an plot driven story (depending on whether it's a mystery or event), it's about characters in situations that have to be resolved for the story to end. The depth of character is less important than the event unfolding. These can be made better with in-depth characterization, but cardboard characters often succeed too.

Meanwhile, I need a better way to keep the I and E differentiated in my head from the MICE quotient. Milieu = basically a tour of the cool environment. Story starts when your protagonist gets there, ends when your protagonist leaves and/or decides to stay. Character story starts when the character is going to make a change. Ends when the change is complete.

And, Characters & Viewpoint is like an expansion of a section out of How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy.

And, Robert Nowall:

quote:

---

How much character can a writer put into, say, a two-thousand word joke story?[As much as you want, if you are not BOUND by the 2,000 word limit] How much should be put in?[I love how you ask the IMPORTANT rhetorical questions] I don't think the reader needs to know too many nitpicking details about a character if the read will be over in a few minutes.

---

quote:

---

How much character can a writer put into, say, a two-thousand word joke story? How much should be put in? I don't think the reader needs to know too many nitpicking details about a character if the read will be over in a few minutes.

---

How much character should be put into a story, no matter how short? 100% How many details about the character should be put in a short? Only what's relevant to the plot. Character and a laundry list of details about a character are two different things.

For example:

I cringed when I heard the baby scream. I dragged myself out of the overstuffed recliner to see what was wrong this time. Fifteen lousy bucks wasn't near enough for babysitting Horrible Hillary.

vs.

The baby started crying again. I got up to see what was wrong. Sometimes babysitting just didn't seem worth it.

Heinlein was a character master, now that you say it. He had plots out the yin-yang too, but I agree that his characters are fully-formed in my head. I will have to pull a few books off the shelf and look again to see how he did it. At the time it was really quite unconscious.

I was in love with Asimov at the same time I read everything Heinlein wrote, and it's funny now that I'm reflecting on it. I have a completely different view of Asimov's work than Heinlein's. I can't remember a *single* character from Asimov (other than the Robot, and the brilliant guy who set up the whole system for the Foundation series...can't remember their names though...) but I remember all kinds of details about their technologies. The way their clothes had magnetic-like clasps, the whole concept of predicting the future using 3-D graphics rendering via cubes and manipulatives...lots of stuff.

In a novel you have room to play around like this. But in short stories, well...take DebbieKW's two examples. We learn that the main character / narrator is (apparently) a babysitter that isn't overly fond of babysitting. I'm assuming in the course of further narration we'll learn things like the character's age, sex, and appearance. Possibly we'll learn the why of this dislike.

But do we need to know everything about this character? Birthplace (complete with account of birth), school and school record, sex life or lack thereof, family tree, favorite color-flower-song-soda-etcetera? If it doesn't have a bearing on the events that will unfold, need it even be written down? What about other characters (Horrible Hillary and others) who will wander into and out of the events?

Pulp editors, who never went to college, told their writers that every character should be summed up in a single sentence. Maybe the greatest characterization in pulp fiction is this one: "I was wearing my powder blue suit, with a dark blue shirt, tie and display handkerchief, black brogues, black wool socks with dark blue clocks on them. I was neat, clean, shaved and sober, and I didn't care who knew it." There isn't a word of "characterization" there, but you feel that Philip Marlowe is somebody you've know all your life, and want to get to know better.

quote:

---

I'm assuming in the course of further narration we'll learn things like the character's age, sex, and appearance. Possibly we'll learn the why of this dislike.

---

What if I told you that, in this 1,000 word story (making that number up), that we learn the babysitter's sex, but are never told her exact age or her appearance? The age is implied through her vocabulary, concerns, etc., and her appearance is irrelevant to the story.

Thus my points: Make every word work double-time so that people get a mental image without having to be told things. Only tell character details that are necessary to the plot. Even novels don't contain complete biographic details on each character, so that isn't an excuse.

Many short stories authors seem to feel the crunch on words and so tell details instead of show them--"Zane was a cold-blooded soldier. He would even kill an enemy who had surrendered." vs. "The ranks began to break and some of the enemy soldiers threw down their weapons, but Zane cut them down anyway." Perhaps describe Zane's scars or fitness level, but you don't have to describe his hair color, eye color, birthplace, exact height, and weight, unless these things are necessary for the story to move forward.

"Don't be a sentimental fool, Sam!"
"Sentimental, or not," Jones persisted, "I know human slavery when I see it. That's what you've got on Venus."
Humphrey Wingate snorted. "That's utterly rediculous. The company's labor clients are employees, working under legal contracts, freely entered into."
Jones' eyebrows raised slightly. "So? What kind of a contract is it that throws a man into jail if he quits his job."
"That's not the case. Any client can quit his job on the usual two weeks notice -- I ought to know -- I --"
"Yes, I know," agreed Jones in a tired voice. "You're a lawyer. You know all about contracts. But the trouble with you, you dunderheaded fool, is that all you understand is legal phrases. Free contract -- nuts!"

This opening isn't as good as the opening of The Big Sleep, of course. Heinlein isn't Chandler. But the reader is hooked, because everybody loves to see a lawyer hoist by his own petard. Heinlein usually starts a story with a sympathetic character, but at this point in his career he was consciously trying new techniques.

But note: the story begins with conflict. It does not begin:

Humphry Wingate was bored with his trip to Venus. He yawned as he got out of bed that morning, applied his lipstick and picked out a stylish gold earring for his left ear. Another boring day, conversing with fools.

Since many very successful stories begin with dialog, it is hard to see why anyone would object to that. Here is Arthur C. Clarke's "The Nine Billion Names of God", one of the most famous sf stories of all time:

"This is a slightly unusual request," said Dr. Wagner, with what he hoped was commendable restraint.

*****

If the age of the character is implied through vocabulary and concerns and such, we have been told her age. A bold statement is usually not require, and usually not desireable. But in a thousand-word story---if one intends to stick to that length---every word would be important. If it was longer, maybe the character's appearance would be brought in.

*****

I'm inclined to believe that if someone---say, an editor---says they want something, that we should take them at their word.

*****

Everyone else filled the nitty gritty in.

I swear the last time I was here (ie the last time before the most recent hiatus I took from writing that ended about a month ago) someone was seriously thrashing dialogue openings and made a pretty convincing case that I'd sworn off dialogue openings.

"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know, what do you want to do, Marty?"

that drew such objections earlier.

Poul Anderson said every story should open with something that evoked at least three of the five major senses.

A lot of good openings just establish time and place. Most of Shakespeare's plays open that way. Hamlet begins with an otherwise pointless bit of chit chat that establishes that it is 1) midnight 2) in the King's castle 3) in Denmark. In a short story, instead of using dialog, you would just write,

It was midnight in the castle of Denmark's king.

If you believe in Poul Anderson's dictum, you could begin

It was a cold midnight, and as the King's guard walked the battlements, his feet scraping on the frozen stones, he could see nothing but dark crenelation silhouetted against overcast sky.