Hi, I'm Miceus. I'm Vatar's half-brother. We share the same father. But we didn't meet until we were both grown men.
I'm not sure about Vatar, yet. Or Father, for that matter. I hadn't spoken to my father for twenty years, until just recently. They seem to like me and genuinely want to be around me. That's unusual. Not too many people really like me.
But Mother always told me that I shouldn't talk to Father. She said that he would persuade me to believe his lies and then he would send me away like he did my brother, Orleus. Only, Orleus doesn't seem to be unhappy about having been sent away. And he still loves Father despite that.
And now, Mother is pushing me to spend more time with Father and with Vatar. I know she hates Vatar. And I'm pretty sure she hates Father, too. So why does she want me to see them?
I'm very confused. That's not good. Mother tends to get angry with me when I get confused about things. I don't like it when Mother is angry with me.
Okay, I realize I'm pretty boring. But Meredith says there's a chance, if I spend more time with my father and brothers, that I just might end up being okay yet.
A little more background. I realize I may not sound it at times. I'm actually 27 years old. I'm older than Vatar. I'm even older than Cestus. But Orleus is my older brother.
Doesn't anybody want to know how I ended up being so screwed up when my brothers are so much stronger people than I am? If I'm going to be much help in book three, Meredith needs to find out a bit more about me. Otherwise, I'll just fade away. I don't want to fade away.
Hi Miceus this is Swift. I haven't been here for a while.
You're twenty seven years old and still worried about your mother! Grow some balls, it sounds like she rules your life. How come you let her rule your world. What are your thoughts? Why does your mother getting angry at you scare you? If I were you I'd tell that witch to back off. Are you a man or seven year old boy? The men I grew up with would eat you alive.
Seriously though, why don't you cut the apron strings?
You're twenty seven years old and still worried about your mother! Grow some balls, it sounds like she rules your life. How come you let her rule your world? What are your thoughts? Why does your mother getting angry at you scare you?
Yes, she does rule my life. She always has. I used to try to fight her, but not any more.
You don't understand Mother. It's not the yelling. I don't like it when Mother yells at me, but it only lasts an hour or two. It's after she stops. Mother can stay angry a very long time. And, after she finishes yelling, she just ignores me. Like I don't even exist, like I was never born. After a while, I start to feel like I really don't exist. After a few days, I can't stand it anymore and I beg her to forgive me. By then, I wish she'd hit me--anything, so I'd know she sees me. Once, when I was twelve, I held out for ten days. Mother was so mad, she ignored me for another week, even after I begged for forgiveness. I haven't done anything like that since.
If I were you I'd tell that witch to back off. Are you a man or seven year old boy? The men I grew up with would eat you alive.
I don't doubt that. But they'd have a tough time with Mother.
Seriously though, why don't you cut the apron strings?
What would I do then? I don't really have any friends. Well, who would want to be friends with me? Even Athra, my wife, stays away from me when Mother's angry with me. Well, Mother picked her out for me, didn't she? And my sister, Selene, is always on Mother's side, now. When we were little, we used to help each other. But not anymore.
Now that I've met my brother, Orleus, again, after more than twenty years I'm starting to wonder, though. He's not scared like me. He's Captain of the Guard in Tysoe and he doesn't seem to be scared of anything. Maybe all the things Mother told me to be afraid of when I was little weren't as bad as Mother. But don't tell her I said that.
Okay. Miceus isn't ever going to be able to tell you most of his story because he doesn't understand much of it himself. So I'm going to tell you how he got this way. Then maybe you can come up with some questions for him so I can find out where he's going.
Miceus is the youngest (of four) child of two highly talented people. Their marriage was arranged and it was a disaster. Miceus was only two when they separated and about four when they divorced. The only thing he can remember about his father (other than what his mother has told him) is the truly epic arguments with his mother.
Because Miceus was so young, he and his sister (who is only a year or two older) stayed with their mother. Their father took the two older children. He intended also to take the younger two, when they were a little older, but that didn't work out. The older boy was sent away from home to be raised in order to protect him from the interference of his mother.
The mother filled the two younger children's heads with wild stories about their father until they refused to have anything to do with him for over twenty years. Now, their mother is a complete narcissist. Nothing exists for her except in relation to herself--including her kids. She poisoned the kids against their father mostly for revenge, because she knew it would hurt him.
Then she decided there was a side benefit. They might be useful. Someday, she might be able to use one or both of them to worm their way into their father's circle and report back to her. (Mother and Father are also political rivals)
Miceus has been almost completely isolated from everyone but his mother and his sister all his life. The one thing he has NEVER seen is a strong male role model. Even his wife was chosen by his mother. The wife is understandably disappointed with the spineless jellyfish she's married. She's not about to get between him and his mother. She'd defend her kids from his mother, but not him.
So Miceus' only validation as a person comes from his mother or his sister and, rarely, from his wife. The sister has been converted into a sort of mini-me. The very worst thing that can happen to Miceus is to have his mother angry with him because she will ignore him for days or weeks. So will his sister and his wife. It's like being marooned on a desert island. Even Tom Hanks started talking to a soccer ball! And every time, that feeling of being invisible causes him to buckle.
But there is still a spark of his father's stubbornness alive in there somewhere. And the unexpected meeting with his older brother and then with other male members of his family is fanning that spark. He's starting to realize that they do care about him. And they don't turn their backs on him if he makes a mistake--even a big one. There may be hope for him, yet.
Okay, I know how he got this way. And I know where he is, now. Now, can someone ask some questions to help me figure out where is this poor guy headed? They don't have a looney bin in this world.
[This message has been edited by Meredith (edited February 27, 2009).]
Your wife is disappointed with the match. would you like to change that? If so, what would it take? Would you rather move away and just find a new wife? Do you want to be like your brother who is captain of the guards? If so, how would you do that? Do you pay attention to the political maneuverings of your parents? Do you understand them, and could you get involved in them, perhaps use them manipulate your own circumstances? Not to be rude, but are you slow?
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Your wife is disappointed with the match. would you like to change that? If so, what would it take?
I'd like for Athra to be happy. I used to think I could make her happy the same way I make Mother happy, by not making any mistakes and doing what she wants. But that hasn't worked. She seems disappointed, especially when I give in to Mother's pressure. Maybe she wants me to stand up to Mother. But she does what Mother wants, too. If Athra would help me, maybe we could do it together.
Would you rather move away and just find a new wife?
I couldn't do that! We have five children. What about them?
Do you want to be like your brother who is captain of the guards? If so, how would you do that?
I'm not sure I want to be like Orleus, exactly. I don't really like fighting and that's what he does. Orleus always liked sports and I was never as physically active as he is. But I would like to be independent, like him. And I would like to have courage, like him. I'm trying to figure out how he does it. Maybe, if I can understand that . . .
Do you pay attention to the political maneuverings of your parents? Do you understand them, and could you get involved in them, perhaps use them manipulate your own circumstances?
Mother has never talked to me about politics. She's trained my sister, Selene, to follow her. But she's never told me what she does or why. I know Mother and Father are both on the High Council and that he is her greatest opponent. I remember when I was young, how Mother gloated that she had prevented Father from becoming the leader of the Council. But she wasn't happy for long, because he stopped her from becoming the leader, too. I was fairly young then, but I remember how mad Mother was. At least she wasn't mad at me, that time. I know she's never forgiven Father for that. She still thinks that she should be the leader of the Council.
I'll never be on the High Council. Mother has groomed Selene for that. I think I'd rather just not be between them. Now that I think of that, Father doesn't seem to put Orleus or Boreala between himself and Mother. In fact, it seems like he shields them from her, or did when they were younger.
Not to be rude, but are you slow?
Mother thinks I am. She always told me that I would never be as smart as her or Selene. She always said that the smartest thing I could do was just do what she told me to, because she knew better.
I've heard her tell Selene that all men are slow and that we're only good for one thing. But, then, she's never bested Father for long. So he can't be slow, can he? Maybe she's wrong about that. Maybe she's wrong about me, too.