posted
You know, it always bothers me when students whose parents pay their tuition and living expenses are written off as ungrateful. It bothers me a lot.
Here's the thing that Blayne and the "Trustifarian" club don't seem to realize:
Fine, so some kid is upset because Mommy and Daddy didn't buy him a BMW. You know what? Mommy and Daddy probably PROMISED to buy that kid a BMW. The issue isn't the damn car. The issue is the broken promise. I'm sure everyone's had an experience like that. Your parents promise you they're going to buy you X thing, take you to Y amuzement park, whatever...and it doesn't happen.
It's upsetting. It's a very upsetting thing.
You know, sometimes it's not that kids feel like they're entitled to some materialistic thing. It's that we feel like we're entitled to the ability to trust our parents. If Little Johnny's parents had never promised him a new car, he probably wouldn't be all upset about not having one.
That's what bothers me. Blah blah, you don't appreciate everything your parents have done for you, or whatever.
That's not the point. The point is that you were counting on them to do something, and they didn't do it.
posted
yeah, i always got the same thing: "oh, mommy and daddy are paying for your school, rich kids got it easy, etc. etc."
i'm not rich, but my parents do have enough money to send me to school. what should i have done? said, no thanks mom, i'd rather pay for school myself. no thanks dad, i really didn't want a car, i'll take the bus. like anyone is gonna do that. and if after they sent me to school they stopped payment on my tuition check, then yeah, i'd be pissed. not because i'm ungrateful, but because they said they would pay for it, and if they aren't gonna, they should have said so from the beginning.
(thank god they didn't cancel the check. and the car was an '83 honda accord, so don't nobody go thinkin' they envy me.)
Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
My parents have never promised me something that I didn't get, except once or twice when I was denied permission to go to a party or movie I had been told I could attend because I broke a rule. And that was fair; house rules.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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pH, I know where you're coming from. I went to a private school and had a car growing up. My parents are paying for my education (even though I got a partial scholarship). The thing that bothers me is that people consider me spoiled because of it. I admit, I had a pretty good childhood, all things considered. But I hate it when people make me feel guilty for the things my parents could give me. It's not my fault, but I'm not going to turn down a good education and the ability to get where I need, when I want. Just because I have these things does not make me ungrateful. Just the opposite. I have so much to be grateful for, and I love the fact that my parents are willing to give me so much and make sacrifices for me. But don't call me a spoiled brat. I'm proud of my parents for doing this for me, and I think it's insensitive for people to judge me without knowing me.
Posts: 1789 | Registered: Jul 2003
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quote: not because i'm ungrateful, but because they said they would pay for it, and if they aren't gonna, they should have said so from the beginning.
I'd say that this depends. If they just randomly changed their minds, I could understand being upset. However, things do come up and I think it's unrealistic and ungrateful to expect that they'll pay for X or Y regardless of anything. When my parents tell me that they will pay for something, I interpret that as they will try to pay for it if they are able to. When they are not able to I am a little disappointed since I'll be paying for it myself, but it's not as though they owe it to me or anything.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
I feel a bit envious... and at the same time... at least my parents have less of a hold on me in terms of lecturing... So that is good, but you just can't have honey without getting stung by bees though.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Evie, it's just envy. There's that passage in the Bible where it says 'mourn with those who mourn and rejoice with those who rejoice'. I think we have no problem with the first part, and lots of problems with the second part. I think it's hard to be genuinely happy for people experiencing true good fortune. So we learn to downplay it, like we're just a little ashamed things are so good for us right then. Like if we really appreciate it by being openly happy about it, we're flaunting, bragging, or whatever.
OTOH, while it may be hard to be openly happy for people of good fortune, it's nearly impossible to be sympathetic when those people don't recognize how good they have it and have the gall to complain in the midst of their good fortune. "Mom is getting me a stupid 83 accord instead of the BMW she promised." isn't going to go very far with someone who takes a bus or who had to buy their own car. So there's a certain amount of sensitivity to be gained when choosing who to complain to. Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
That's the thing, though. It's NOT that we don't recognize how good we have it. At least, for me, it's a trust thing. For the BMW vs. used car thing, t's like if you fell in love with some Captain America Mega Deluxe action figure that your parents absolutely promise you that you can have for Christmas, and you've spent weeks on end daydreaming about all the fun you could have with it, and then your parents give you a stick figure. Made out of actual sticks. Sticks from your front yard.
My biggest problem isn't not getting material things. It's having my hopes raised up into the stratosphere.
posted
pH, such a good point! But realize that Blayne also is right in that a skewed financial dependence develops. There is a difference between being entitled and feeling like you have been betrayed. I wouldn't defend the notion of the former so quickly.
I went to one of THOSE private schools and that type of person definitely exists. I remember shopping with my friend and she blew $1,000 and didn't even make a phone call to her parents to let them know (oh yeah we were 14). A lot of these kids would also spend their money on expensive drugs and parties in their parents' NYC penthouses. The worst was this kid whose dad owns a Fortune 500 company. He inherited $3mil when he was 18. He also got himself kicked out of our school because he was such a waste of everything (and imagine what his dad was donating...he was THAT bad).
So I do agree broken promises should be taken into account, but a lot of financially comfortable people grow up with unrealistic and ungrateful expectations about their money.
Thus, it's probably a mix of both, and also remember the pressure to fit in is also a contributor (being the only one of your friends without the consumer good of the hour can be excruciating for some). .
Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
"Unrealistic" according to WHOSE standards, though?
I went to one of "those" schools, as well, and I was the "poor kid." And by "poor," I mean that I got a used car for my sixteenth birthday instead of an H2, and we lived in an incredibly nice neighborhood that didn't have a gate and a guard.
quote:My biggest problem isn't not getting material things. It's having my hopes raised up into the stratosphere.
And that's actually my point. It's not that your feelings are not genuinely hurt. I know for a fact that they are -- my dad is a great promise breaker. I know how much it hurts.
The problem is that you're picking the wrong people to complain to. It's like complaining to your 100lbs overweight friend that you can't lose those last 5 lbs. I've always been naturally thin, so losing weight has never been an issue...until I turned 30 and packed on 10 lbs more than I like to have. I still can't get rid of them. But I'd be very stupid to complain about that to my best friend who has struggled with weight all her life and is currently trying to take off 100 lbs. It would just be insensitive on my part. Not that my feelings are irrelevent. I just need to pick another person with the same issue to complain to.
Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
jeniwren, I completely understand what you are saying, but that doesn't make it any easier on those who, although we are well-off, are still good people.
pH, the broken promises is a big issue. It doesn't matter what your parents promised you, whether it was a nice car or the ability to go out on Saturday night. When they renig on that promise, it's devestating, no matter the promise.
I think, in the end, it depends on the person. As Kristen said, there are THOSE people who spend huge amounts of money without even thinking about it (Think my Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV). But for others, while they may not be as aware of money as some, they are still responsible about it, and know not to take it for granted.
Edit to add to jeniwren's comment: It makes sense what you're saying, but I don't think that's the whole point. While it is disappointing to have a promise broken, I don't think most of us would go complaining to those people whose feelings it would hurt. It's not about complaining, I don't think, but about the feeling that we have been let down. While we don't need to go broadcasting it to the world, I think it's just important not to assume that we are spoiled brats.
At least, that's where I'm coming from.
Posts: 1789 | Registered: Jul 2003
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quote:said, no thanks mom, i'd rather pay for school myself. no thanks dad, i really didn't want a car, i'll take the bus.
I've actually done both of those, more or less. Turned down going to an expensive out-of-state school because I had a full ride in-state, and turned down a new car because I didn't feel I'd done anything to earn it beyond having parents who were good at their jobs.
Full disclosure -- after I hated the in-state school and tranferred out of state I did let my parents pay for tuition. It was important to them that they were able to provide that for me and I appreciated not having to go in debt to graduate. But I paid all my living expenses throughout college. And if I go back to grad school, I'll take out loans even though I don't have any doubts that the parents would offer to pay for that, too.
Just because someone offers you something doesn't mean you have to take it.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Holy crap, where did all you people grow up? Surrounded by a money forest?
I wouldn't have minded having been given things growing up, and to be honest, I've been given more than a lot of people have. I have to work to pay my own way through school, and have to work to pay for my car, but my parents pay for my books, and my car insurance, so it's not all bad.
And while I'm glad that someday I'll be able to say that I worked for what I have, and that nothing was given to me, I'll also work as hard as possible to make sure that some day I'll be able to pay for my kids to go to school so they don't have to go through the same stress that I did (and do) go through. I see nothing wrong with kids being given a cetain amount of a leg up by their parents.
My problem is with the ones that never understand the value of the money they're being given, and who have no appreciation for the kids that don't have those same benefits.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:My problem is with the ones that never understand the value of the money they're being given, and who have no appreciation for the kids that don't have those same benefits.
I totally agree. My friends in college were almost all on their own for school. They all had loans, scholarships, and jobs. I was actually ashamed of how easy I had it, even though I worked every bit as hard as they did. It was a weird sort of reverse materialism (anti-materialism?) where everyone bragged about how poor they were. Non-stop competitions to see who could have the lowest electric bill or eat ramen noodles the most consecutive days. It was totally bizarre.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I can't help but feel a bit rankled though, it's rude of me... but... It's going to take me 3423523454395748957 YEARS to get a car... I got to walk everywhere and take the cab and trains all the time if I want to get somewhere, so I can't feel too simpathetic because no one's going to buy me a 65 mustang convertable or an ESP left handed custom made viper . That's when you got to do things yourself I reckon, but it TAKES SO LONG! Brkone promises suck though, but I am used to people saying they will do something and then doing the opposite. Or not doing anything at all. Perhaps if I have kids one day, I doubt I will, I will do things a bit different... Help my kids, but not help them too much, but help them a bit more than I was helped...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
ph, there is the issue of relativity. I don't disparge that.
However, the potentially unrealistic attitude they develop is that they can't connect spending money with its source and since they never took a dominant role in managing it, thus are most likely unprepared for when they have to make decisions about it later in life (taxes, insurance, their kid's equally $$ schools, maintaining different houses' gas/heating/staff pay etc).
This is obviously not awful. Most probably are smart enough to eventually learn to budget money even if they don't have pratice. But I do think it's a consequence for some who have lived in relative financial comfort and that lack of sensitivity towards money (combined with the ungratefulness, of course-- people are unrealistic about a lot of things!) can lead to a bitterness/unsympathy from others less fortunate.
Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
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I think that's because the idea of the self-made man is still something to be proud of, and something to be desired in America.
You shouldn't feel ashamed for having the benefits of your parents' good jobs though. America is full of paradoxes. We are all searching for the American dream, but we champion the poor guy making it on his own, pulling himself up by his own boostraps.
Having money is nothing to be ashamed of in itself, it's the attitude of the wealthy that can make it so. Likewise, being poor is nothing to be ashamed of, and not necessarily something to always be proud of. It depends entirely on what you do with it.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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I agree with Adam. It all depeends on your attitude towards it. You can be a good person either way, likewise, you can be a complete jerk whether you have money or you don't. It just depends.
I just wish that people would judge on their character, and not on how much money they have.
Posts: 1789 | Registered: Jul 2003
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posted
I agree that a broken promise sucks but you really should consider WHY the parents broke the promise. Did they not get a raise, bonus, commission, customer that they were planning on using for the promised item? Did they have any unxepected expenses come up? I think that if a child cannot understand that money has to come from somewhere and sometimes other, unexpected expenses must take precedence over luxury items then they can be labled spoiled brats. I do feel that term is a bit harsh and would save it for those kids who feel entitled to anything and everything they want.
Posts: 44 | Registered: May 2001
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posted
Seriously? You don't ever get stung? I totally gave up the idea of beekeeping because I didn't think I could deal with the stings. I expected I'd probably quickly become allergic to them or something, given my weird system.
On the issue of being spoiled, we went through this with my nieces, who really had way too much stuff. The problem became, should the mom be buying real art for her walls, and the dad get the BMW he always wanted, and leave the girls without the clothes and cars that their friends at school seem to take for granted?
On the one hand, all those things are luxuries, not necessities. On the other, if the parents are indulging themselves, it seems pretty hypocritical for them to be teaching their children a lesson they won't follow themselves.
I do think my nieces have suffered from having too much stuff. I remember one time taking the oldest to Toys R Us when she was about 12 and there was not one single thing in that huge store that she wanted that she didn't already have. It was sort of sad. She was disappointed. I remember Christmases when she was unhappy for the same reason. There was just nothing she wanted. I felt sorry for her. That was never a problem when we were little.
The only solution I see is for the parents and children both to decide what level of affluence they feel good about and give the rest to help others.
Right now there are people starving who could be fed if we wanted to feed them. That's always been true for all of my lifetime, though I hope it won't be true anymore starting sometime in the near future. I hope that all children will grow up with adequate nutrition and a decent education and access to books. I hope all children will grow up loved. We could do it if we really wanted to. I think we should and will.
However, the "right" level of affluence always seems to be just a little bit more than a person happens to be making right now. Most people, I think, tend to think those who have more than them have too much, and those who have less than them have not enough. I'm at least as guilty of this as anyone. When will I have enough books and cds and clothes? Why do a need a nice new car when an old used one would probably serve as well?
Posts: 6246 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
I think possibly some promises are more sacred than others. Well, strike the 'possibly', that's an fact of my moral worldview. If I promise my buddy I'll meet them for lunch, that's quite different from a promise to pay back $20.00 I owe a friend on my next payday.
So...possibly the trouble in addition to the broken promise is simply putting too much faith in having the exact letter of fulfillment of every promise your parents make to you as though it were a sacred covenant. I don't know the circumstances of this promise, so I can't say if it was just a changed mind on a whim, or the Christmas bonus was short or what.
But to be honest...I wouldn't complain about it either. Given the circumstances of being given a car, I would just be thankful I wasn't living like many other people who have to work a second job to be able to afford a POS. I would still be irritated at the broken promise for its own sake, but I'd suck it up.
And for the record I think it's not just the grievance at the broken promise. I cannot shake the idea that there is a sense of entitlement created by the promise of something so luxurious and utterly unearned as a brand-spanking-new BMW.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Yeah, it sucks when parents renege on a deal. But it's ALSO the case that the people we're describing in this thread -- the trust fund kids with the car and the free ride -- are seriously spoiled. The mere fact that they expect these things, that they are promised these things, is itself something that gives them a seriously skewed outlook.
When I turned 15 and graduated high school, my father gave me $300 and told me to buy a car with it, since I was going to need it to get to and from college; he didn't think he'd be able to spare the time to drive me, even though we weren't yet sure where I'd even be attending. That was the full and complete extent of my financial support from either parent -- and since I couldn't get myself emancipated, they actually wound up COSTING me money when it came time to do taxes and/or fill out FAFSAs.
I'm not saying that's normal, either. But I think either extreme can do some damage.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
The thing about the bmv that makes me tend to agree with Tom, Rakeesh et. al is that it HAS to be a BMV. There needs to be that status.
Cars are useful for many teens and college students in terms of commuting and I can see where pH is right in that if a parent agrees to help bear the burden of a purchase and backs out, it really is hard to deal with both emotionally and practically.
I also realize that everything is relative and a car might be normal practice.
But, here's the thing. The fact that it has to be the right kind of car and of the right brand name and new to boot (what adult would buy a young driver a new $$$ car anyway???) makes me believe that there is shallowness of intent and overly demanding and ungrateful expectations of parents.
Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
My Car cost me $500. I worked a bunch of over time at the hotel so that I could buy it and I've maintained it myself to keep the cost down. It's got a huge hunk of rust under the passenger seat, it's teal for crap's sake and I don't look bad-ass driving it down the road. It does, however, get me from here to there and that's all that matters.
Getting a car is not that hard if you want/need it badly enough.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Kristen: The thing about the bmv that makes me tend to agree with Tom, Rakeesh et. al is that it HAS to be a BMV. There needs to be that status.
Cars are useful for many teens and college students in terms of commuting and I can see where pH is right in that if a parent agrees to help bear the burden of a purchase and backs out, it really is hard to deal with both emotionally and practically.
I also realize that everything is relative and a car might be normal practice.
But, here's the thing. The fact that it has to be the right kind of car and of the right brand name and new to boot (what adult would buy a young driver a new $$$ car anyway???) makes me believe that there is shallowness of intent and overly demanding and ungrateful expectations of parents.
Then the parents shouldn't be PROMISING a new car of X brand.
But, considering that a college-aged person is generally an adult (at least in the legal sense), surely their belief that a gift of such a car is a reasonable expectation -- REGARDLESS of parental promises -- is pretty spoiled and shallow.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I just don't think people should promise what they're not going to deliver.
It's one thing if something HAPPENS, and Mom gets fired, or something. But otherwise? Don't promise your damn kids things unless you're going to follow through.
That's how I feel about pretty much everything in life.
I agree that parents should not promise things to their children unless they plan (and are able) to deliver. I actually try not to promise my kids even most things that fall into that category ("we'll try" and "if possible" are generally added) -- because things happen that are outside my control.
However, failure on the offspring's part to recognize that a) no one, including the parents who gave them life, OWES them a car of any kind; and b) that things DO happen, and perhaps a promise made with full intent is no longer possible -- both of those are spoiled attitudes. Very. And sometimes what happened is rather less dramatic than someone losing their job.
And sometimes what happens is that a parent who allowed themselves to be cajoled into making a promise they should not have made comes to their senses. In that case, I blame both the negligent parent AND the spoiled child.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Don't promise your damn kids things unless you're going to follow through.
What if they realize after they made the promise that it was a DUMB promise, one they shouldn't've made, and apologize for it while still retracting it?
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
And gee, I don't know, I think I might get a little snarky here, but what about the kid appreciating - showing a little gratitude - that the parents at least follow through on most promises or just for giving them a half-decent life?
Cuz, I gotta tell you, plenty of kids don't get follow-through on any promises from their parents other than one to make their lives miserable.
Or maybe I'm just being a wet blanket.
I think I'll go sew now.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Well, my neighbor is actually one of those filthy rich kids. Her parents started Starbucks, so she has a private plane, pays her tuition up-front and doesn't even have to work. So I think that while rich kids might not necessarily get it easy, they sure as heck do get it easier than me as I am going to be in huge debt after I graduate.
Posts: 3389 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Following the tradition of full disclosure...
When I was born, my grandparents (on my father's side) started a college fund for me and put money in it on every birthday. This left me with a nice sum of money - which could only be used for my college education. Knowing this - and several other extenuating circumstances, none of which have bearing on this topic - I remained in-state, taking full advantage of my scholarships and said "college fund" from my grandparents. Because of these two things, I still have money in that account.
I realize that it was insanely important to my grandparents that I get an excellent education, and that I develop the ability to pursue my dreams. I would have been extraordinarily remiss if I had not used their generosity to achieve my current status. (NB: Said fund and scholarships also paid for food and housing, in addition to tuition and books. This all cost my parents a few trips' worth of gas money. Oh, and the wood to build my loft. )
My current situation is that of a graduate student - which, while not a high-profit racket, does pay for tuition and gives me enough to cover rent and food and the like. I earn basic sustenance, and have a little to put away for a rainy day treat. I've left the remnants of my college fund in the bank to use to maybe some day get a car - but I in no way expect (or, truthfully, even hope that) my parents give me major assistance, unless I ask for it and demonstrate the need for it. (NB: In the interests of full disclosure, my mother does take some quiet delight in buying me clothes when I go home - nothing extravagant, but instead things I need that I might not have had the opportunity to get: just a couple pairs of jeans and a shirt or two. She claims she misses "spoiling me;" I think it's a fun bonding experience. There is never a multi-thousand dollar shopping experience. I personally find that obscene.)
Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999
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And I think she has gotten worse since she moved interstate.
Last year, she bought me three "birthday" presents - a beautiful skirt that was too pricey for me to buy for myself when I visited the month before my birthday, some actual presents sent over for my birthday and then some more clothes a couple of months after when she visited me and we were out shopping, ostensibly for her.
But she gets a lot of enjoyment out of it, and it is fun time together being grown ups *and* mother and daughter. So I let her. Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
What matters more than the trust funds, or the hard knocks, is what one does with the advantages and opportunities one has in life.
I've seen spoiled kids turn into wonderful adults. I've seen them come out badly too. I've seen the same with kids who started with nothing.
It is often impossible to know what another person's true circumstances are -- unless they tell you.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Not to mention that trust funds are not exclusive of hard knocks.
In other words, paying for necessities+education+a reasonable amount of vanities (birthday presents, music lessons...) does not necessarily a good parent make.
Posts: 866 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
Well, the other thing is, a lot of these "trust fund brats" are despised because of this perceived "I'm better than you" attitude. People are cruel, you know? And apparently, the hurt felt from that sort of thing is worthless in the grand scheme of things because Mommy and Daddy can buy a brand new Item X. Money doesn't buy happiness, and it doesn't buy acceptance, either.
I got a lot of that from people who didn't go to my high school and while I was living on campus in college. Apparently, I thought I was better than everyone else at school because...I wore expensive jeans (of which I had literally three pairs, mind you) and had a 27" television. Oh, and I had my own room, too, nevermind the fact that I had a medical reason for that.
My roommate, when I moved off campus, was ridiculously well-off. One of the reasons we got along was that we didn't harbor resentment toward one another. In fact, the whole reason we really started talking in the first place was because we lived next door to each other on a floor of "Oh man, my life is so hard, I live on ramen and snort coke every day, I work in a strip club, I sleep with everyone, screw you rich brats, I'm REAL" girls. You know the sort; they have to prove that they're the hardest hard luck case ever. It's a contest. And the only ones of my peers who ever get that specific brand of attitude (not that there aren't plenty of non-monetary attitudes ) from me are precisely those. The ones who treat me like my life is somehow worth less than theirs or I'm not appreciating what I have or have this preemptive "how can you think you're better than me, at least Daddy doesn't hand me everything" view before I've even said two words to them. Because honestly, I see no point in trying to prove otherwise; in my experience, these people have already made up their minds, and any attempts to contradict their beliefs are perceived as "boo hoo, poor rich kid's widdle feewings got hurt."
posted
I just read the start and then the following, didnt feel like there was need to keep reading.
Well people like the ph and vonk DO have it easy. My case, im not yet in University, because first i must work so i can save money so i can go to University and then while in university still work to keep paying, while trying hard to keep the grades up. There.
Hey the world is full of empty promises, at least mine. Good luck with that BMW.
Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
There is an odd sort of "make you pay for it" vibe sometimes among women. That is, I think (think, mind you, and just piecing this together from both my own history and thoughts, as well as various conversations) that women with a particular advantage -- be it being beautiful, having access to money, or being otherwise successful in some way -- can get this initial reaction from other women of "Oh, she must think she's so hot. Well, I'll show her what I think of that!" And thus follows various snide remarks and cutting glances, etc.
I have no idea how this works among guys. I've seen this time and time again among women. And I recall that at the times in my life when I felt most miserable about myself, I was most hateful towards other women. (I don't know how widespread this is, but I suspect it isn't just me.) Eventually I reached some sort of peace with myself and who I am, and I remmber the very moment I started appreciating other women for their beauty, smarts, sucesses, and skills -- rather than seeing them as only competition.
Man, has my emotional life ever been better since. If I could change one things about my growing-up years, other than my father's ill health, that would be it -- to see other women from the very beginning as magnificent and fascinating creatures in their own rights, as opposed to competition first and foremost. A side benefit is that jealousy bleeds out personal power whereas self-assurance amplifies it, but that only follows as a side effect.
I wonder if perhaps when a woman of family means wants to express frustration about being treated wrongly by her parents, the things is to emphasize the "broken promise" aspect of it, rather than the "beamer" part? Maybe something like:
Person A: "Gee, I can't believe my folks let me down again."
Person B: "Why, what happened?"
Person A: "Oh, the details aren't important. It's that they made a promise and broke it again. That makes me feel like such [poo]. I can't count on anybody, not even my parents."
I bet that would go over better and be more authentic than giving the specific details, especially when it involves dollar amounts or brand names. Keep the conversation focused on what matters, you know?
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Originally posted by LeoJ: I just read the start and then the following, didnt feel like there was need to keep reading.
Well people like the ph and vonk DO have it easy. My case, im not yet in University, because first i must work so i can save money so i can go to University and then while in university still work to keep paying, while trying hard to keep the grades up. There.
Hey the world is full of empty promises, at least mine. Good luck with that BMW.
Monetarily, yes. I have tons and tons of opportunities that plenty of other people don't. For example, I can afford to work at very cool unpaid internships because I don't need the money to support myself. But money isn't the only aspect of life, you know.
I find it amusing that the people who shout the loudest about money not being important and money not buying happiness are the same ones who feel that the problems of those who "have it easy" (however you define that) are less valid than those who don't. If you really think that money doesn't buy happiness, why should you CARE if CEO X makes $300,000 a year when he has to check into a mental hospital? Basically, if you really don't think that money buys happiness, then you can no longer throw the "oh, but he/she has it so easy" comments in whenever someone is depressed or upset or whatever.
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Recalling how I used to dread walking past mirrors, be enraged at being exposed to other women's beauty and how ugly that made me feel, desire to downplay other women's scholarly successes, and so on ... geez, what a miserable life! *shudder
Couldn't pay me to relive my life. Nuh-uh, no way. I'll take grey streaks, wrinkles, and cranky joints over that any day.
Lord bless, what a joy it is to be in my thirties and happy about it! [Thank you, thank you, thank you to The Powers That Be for emotional progress and the wisdom of experience. Bring on the last half of my life. Bring it on! Age and wisdom and personal strength -- joy and health.]
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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did i say money buys happiness? in the other hand monetary problems brakes families and you dont care about money because you already have it.
Posts: 56 | Registered: Mar 2006
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quote:Originally posted by LeoJ: did i say money buys happiness? in the other hand monetary problems brakes families and you dont care about money because you already have it.
And nothing else breaks up a family, right?
Having money solves all problems.
And doesn't create any.
I'd also like to point out that I never said that I didn't care about money. What I said was that I can work unpaid internships because I don't NEED it right now.
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) from me are precisely those. The ones who treat me like my life is somehow worth less than theirs or I'm not appreciating what I have or have this preemptive "how can you think you're better than me, at least Daddy doesn't hand me everything" view before I've even said two words to them. Because honestly, I see no point in trying to prove otherwise; in my experience, these people have already made up their minds, and any attempts to contradict their beliefs are perceived as "boo hoo, poor rich kid's widdle feewings got hurt."
