Once I sang that phrase with all the pride and dignity of a king. I was a king: King Arthur; High King of all England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales; First Prelate of Rome, Master of Europe, High King of the British Empire. Now I sit alone in a small room of silk walls that smell of spice and magic and evil and I curse my name.
Names, there is magic in names. There is illusion in the names we give ourselves, and fate in those hidden demonic names that are truly all that we own. Fate and cruel nature have shown me my true name, and I curse it as it has cursed me.
One night long ago, someone whispered a word into my ear. She claimed it was my name. To prove her wrong I took her. I ravaged her. I raped her. I proved her right. It was her magic that sired our son.
One night not so long ago, that son and her aunt whispered a word into my ear. It was my name. To prove them wrong I tore my kingdom apart, ruined my wife, went to war against my truest friend, and finally, ultimately, proved them right.
Five points for a correct guess with either rationale for the guess or a critique of the story Two points for any guess with a critique One point for any guess with a rationale Pi points for being a tiger.
posted
I like the regretful tone and lyrical style. Kind of reminds me of Hart's Hope (which I'm reading now for the first time). The style is very epic and very masculine, which works well for the piece.
I do have a small quibble with the phrase "High King of the British Empire." Not only was Britain not an empire in the Arthurian legend, but the author already used the title High King earlier in the same sentence.
I could certainly see Slash writing this.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
Boy, I hate to be Mr. Positive here, but we've had some great samples lately!
This one is concise and self contained. It is very poetic, as poetic as prose can get without changing into poetry. It also shows a knowledge of Arthur. And, perhaps, the Arthurian Cycles.
Which is why I'm guessing Troubador.
Posts: 1843 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I like this whole pice but I have a suggestion for the above section. Perhaps if you replaced to comma with a period?
quote: Names. There is magic in names.
It turns it into a sentance fragment but it's maybe a little bit more forceful. (I don't know, perhaps you have considered it already, I get this odd feeling you already have)
I haven't a clue who.
Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
what? I gave reason/critique before, shouldn't it still apply? Fine then, I'll give some more.
It has to do with what Saxon said:
quote: I do have a small quibble with the phrase "High King of the British Empire." Not only was Britain not an empire in the Arthurian legend, but the author already used the title High King earlier in the same sentence.
and then I read the snippet again:
quote: I was a king: King Arthur; High King of all England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales; First Prelate of Rome, Master of Europe, High King of the British Empire.
then I read Rivka's post about Arthur possibly being in the equivalent of a padded room. It makes sense that if Arthur is dillusional, he would constantly say this (His list of titles) to himself, and possibly add on to it, until he turns himself into master of the universe or some such. It would be his obsessive tick that drives him even farther over the deep end. The more I think about it, the more fun it would be to read about Crazy King Arthur. I wonder if this is what the author was going for.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
Sorry, didn't mean to offend. I know you were being serious; I just found the idea very funny.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I thought you were laughing at the fact that I decided to add another critique for fear of dkw's growling.
Posts: 4089 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I mentioned Hart's Hope in my last critique and, having now finished the book, I have to say that there's something about the sentence structure that reminds me of OSC.
So I suppose my next guess will be a Card: Geoffrey Card.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
I really like the writing style on this one. The lyrical quality is great, as already mentioned, and the author does a great job at capturing the hollow, bitterly despairing tone and feel of this Arthur. I would love to read the rest of this one.
My initial guess was saxon75, but I'm going to assume that he isn't just trying to throw us off the trail with his own guesswork, and go with ae instead.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I don't get a strong sense of the author being either a man or a woman; it's pretty much gender neutral, at least in my eyes. I could see Belle pulling this one off.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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sndrake TomDavidson T_Smith Slash Troubador Pat Hobbes Bob S Scott R Ethics Gradient Strider Geoff Card ae Belle
I'm going to guess :Locke. This isn't the best fit for what little stuff I've read of his, but he is a better fit than anyone else who's stuff I'm at all familiar with. (Note: I am familiar with very little ) I can't put my finger on it. Something about the repetition and the rythm.
posted
Hmmm... The dark and epic tone suggests that this will be a compelling and quite possibly sprawling story. For some reason the word "epic" brings to mind Leto.
Posts: 4534 | Registered: Jan 2003
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posted
ok, this peice claims that names have power, but really, he just has a series of titles, not names. perhaps the author makes no distinction, but i do.
posted
This has to be a female author. Men don't dwell on male impotence this way.
I like the idea of women using that fear of impotence against Arthur. And like any dumb animal, he didn't learn the first time.
If this were going to be a novel, I'd leave off the last line, and let the reader guess what Arthur's name was. Otherwise you're giving the whole story away, unless you're going to take it up after Arthur puts his pen down. Then Arthur's quest is to shrug off his impotence, which may be interesting but not exciting in the action packed battlefield sense of the word.
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