posted
I’m not actually sure what day it is, since at the time I didn’t realize it was significant. But sometime this month it will be exactly ten years since the last time I went on a date. I realized that a few weeks ago, and was trying to decide if I should do something to mark the occasion. I was torn between going on a monastic retreat and signing up for an internet dating service. Since I couldn’t decide which would be more appropriate, I decided just to post on Hatrack instead.
Hi Hatrack! This is my happy to be single party. Have a cupcake. Feel free to make this into a fluff thread, or a serious discussion. Or to just ignore it. I’m not sure what makes numbers with zeros after them loom so significantly, but I’m exorcising this one by posting this thread.
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posted
Uh, congratulations? I do say congratulations. You have a wonderful, caring, fulfilling life that I often envy. I especially admire your sense of purpose. That's very cool.
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You might be right, though. I think I read once that she was one kind of minister in a different kind of church. Or something. I don't remember.
*joins saxon75 in the hall of shame*
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I don’t think it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Just a thing. It is by choice, although ten years is making wonder if it’s still a choice or if it’s become a rut. But if it’s a rut it’s a happy one, and I’m not feeling any particular need to get out of it. (Unless Viggo Mortensen shows up at my door and proposes. I think I’d take that as a sign that it was time to reconsider.)
And the Episcopal church allows its clergy to marry. More relevant to this situation, so does the United Methodist Church.
posted
We need a toasting smilie. I guess the Hat Guy with a Spider on his Head is about as close as we get. So:
I always admire people who are happy in their lives, no matter what the situation. (Which is to say that single people who love being single are massively cool.)
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I am glad that you are happy with your life! Being single is a good thing, and so is being married.
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You know, this makes me think of the episode of Sex in the City where Carrie points out that no one is ever rewarded for being single. When you get married, you get engagement gifts and shower gifts and wedding gifts and anniversary gifts. No one rewards you for not getting into a bad relationship or devoting yourself to a successful career (yes, I know those things are rewards in and of themselves, but so is marriage and you still get gifts).
So, congratulations for making good choices that have led you to a happy and fulfilled life! I'm proud of you.
Oh, and if Viggo Mortensen shows up at your door and proposes, ACCEPT.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
I'm nearing my ten-month anniversary of not having a GOOD date. This is not by choice.
*sigh* The saddest was a few weeks ago, when I had a very good date indeed - with someone who was headed back to California in three days. Also, self-esteem problems that are not to be believed. Sincerely thought that, because I liked him, there must be something fundamentally wrong with me. Holy crap! </pointless story about Katie's dating life>
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posted
dkw...well, congratulations. I simply assumed you were not married because you had decided to concentrate on your calling. I.e., being a great minister takes a lot of time and devotion and it would seem that certainly a spouse coming into that situation AFTER you are established would be better than trying to work around a marriage to tend to your flock. (do people actually say "tend to your flock?")
Anyway, I'm currently single, not by choice, but I have decided NOT to pursue any romantic relationships for awhile. I expect that someday I will be seriously involved with someone and perhaps even marry (if someone would make that kind of commitment to an aging rotund guy with 2 strikes against him in the marriage column).
The main thing I can say is that it is sometimes better to wait. I might've had a different and happier life if I'd waited. I'm having a happier life now. And I am certainly willing to wait for someone who actually LOVES me. (so it could take awhile).
But you?! You should latch onto one of your rich elderly parishioners. No...I don't mean that. I think you are a wonderful person and you are more centered than just about anyone I've ever met. Really! I think you should just leave a door open, whether it's Viggo who drops by or someone far less beautiful but perhaps more "real." ya know?
Oh well. Just rambling. Happy anniversary.
SPecial to kat...please don't get involved with someone with THAT extremely low self-esteem unless they are seriously working on overcoming the problem.
It is a bottomless pit of despair from which no good can come.
quote: Anyway, I'm currently single, not by choice, but I have decided NOT to pursue any romantic relationships for awhile. I expect that someday I will be seriously involved with someone and perhaps even marry (if someone would make that kind of commitment to an aging rotund guy with 2 strikes against him in the marriage column).
Well, I think you're cute, if that counts. And yes, I've seen pictures: Bob
I really have a thing for large, bearded guys (just ask my ex). Too bad you are so far away, and that I'm not interested in ever making the marriage commitment again. Hmmm.. I never dated an OSC fan.... might actually have some intelligent conversation......
Anyway, happiness to everyone today -- married or single! May each find their own way....
posted
Well, I just looked at Dante's profile, and apparently he's interested in my hot body, so I don't know.
Posts: 896 | Registered: Feb 2001
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I know she's a great minister and a fun person to hang out with, especially at Rennaissance Faires.
And she deep fries a mean steak!
And if not for her family's efforts, our entire phone system would be a shambles.
Anyway...dkw, I had no idea you had decided to remain single. You are a really great person who, I'm sure, would be able to manage a career and a relationship. The other thing that sort of makes me sad about this is that you are the kind of person I would hope would have children someday. I saw your family and I saw how great you are as a person and a leader. Kids raised by you would have one of the most important advantages in life: sane and loving parenting!
But...I'm starting to sound like one of those annoying relatives who ask embarassing questions at the holidays. "So, Dana, when'ya gonna get hitched?" I don't mean to intrude. I just think you'd make a great mom, and a great spouse, should you ever decide to attempt either.
Of course, your church may frown on you becoming a mom without becoming a spouse, so it's kind of a whole big magilla. Probably easier to just stay single.
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quote:SPecial to kat...please don't get involved with someone with THAT extremely low self-esteem unless they are seriously working on overcoming the problem.
NO KIDDING. Yes, not interested.
Still, kind of a bummer. We met working a group project, and we spent the morning discussing the earth's magnetosphere and the possible switching of the poles. I thought that was great. It was a great date all the way up until the end. *sigh*
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Farmgirl: (it's my style...) Some people find it attractive. Or at least infectious.
Besides, Dana told me not to make a pass at her. It's buried somewhere here on Hatrack. I was crushed. Partly because she thought I would be so crude as to make a pass at her after meeting her just once, and partly because (having met me once) she didn't want me to at least TRY! And partly because I might've made a pass at her despite knowing that she didn't want that...being just that kind of guy, you know. And then she'd have to say something overt like "Didn't I just ask you specifically NOT to do that? What in our brief time together would convince you that I would be kidding about something like that?" And then I'd have to say something like "It's my style...Some people find it attractive, or at least infectious."
And then she'd have to drop me at the bus station. Again...
Oh well. I'd better stop before I creep dkw out and never get invited back for more steak with the folks!
Part of my vast appreciation for dkw is that she IS so wise and so kind. I've met a lot of wise people who are cruel and a lot of unwise people who are kind. But I've met precious few wise people who are actually kind and NOT condescending in their kindness (or their wisdom).
Does that make sense to anyone?
And if it does, could you explain it to me?
kat...sorry you had to go through that though. It's tough to like someone who doesn't like themself.
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Bob, it’s not necessarily a permanent decision. I haven’t sworn off dating or anything, I’m just not actively pursuing it. Although I’m getting a little old to be a first-time mom, so if that were ever going to happen it would have to be fairly soon. (Soon being within the next ten years or so.)
For the record, I think both Dante and Bob are hunks, and if we lived within 200 miles of one another I’d go out with either one of them. I’d probably even pick them over Viggo.
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Bob, I never told you not to make a pass. I only told you no marriage proposals at Christmas! Sheesh.
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Thanks, Bob. I don't need sympathy so much, though - a good date ending with an eye-opening last five minutes doesn't even register on the Trauma Scale. It's too sad to be in the Amazing Story file. I think I'll tuck it into the Humanity is Funny Sometimes cubbyhole.
Uh-oh! Dante displays a finely honed sense of humor.!!!
I'm not sure about the whole LDS thing though. I might have an edge there being a lapsed Catholic/Baptist. I'm actually open to switching denominations...for the right person.
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You all had better be careful. The last time I was involved in shameless flirting online it crashed the forum.
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Wait just a minute. I'm a Southern Jewish woman. If anyone's going to be a matchmaker on this forum, it has to be me!
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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dkw, I can't think of anyone here who has more of my respect. I'm so glad, as Mrs. M said, that you made all the good choices that led you into being the wonderful woman that you are. Cheers, Dana.
Bob, 90% of success is persistance. There's something about sweat in there too, but we might not want to discuss that in refined company.
(Hi, Farmgirl! You set a temptin' plate!)
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
When I looked at the first post and saw 10 years without a date, I totally thought this was going to be an onanism thread. Everyone references one, but I've yet to see one. Maybe it's better that way...
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