posted
Yes, you asked for it, you got it. The thread about being "behind bars."
This is a thread for baristers, though, not baristas. So, even though you might wish to express so many things about drinking IN bars, or making drinks behind bars, that is a different thread altogether. True, this is a thread about serving, but serving time, not brews.
And so, I know a few of you have a lock on this type of thing, so I'll just throw the Book at you (Bob's Giant Book of Puns of course) and cage my enthusiasm.
posted
assault with a pun? Bob, I know many a person who, after reading your pun threads, have said I should lock you up and throw away the key...
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Bob, what's this with another pun thread? Are you trying to cell me a pig in a poke(y) here? Celliously now.
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posted
I'll be the judge of that. Surely you recognize the law of the land -- it's in my rights to argue my case in the court of public opinion.
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posted
I'll be keeping an eye on my posts so that I am not the one to kill this thread. I am loath to administer the lethal interjection.
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posted
Nessus was a real dummie. I was sick of him trying to tease me in his gavelly voice, so I took a stand and said, "It is so sad that you lack wit, Nessus."
[ June 22, 2004, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
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posted
I object. I'm just not sure how long any of these pun threads can be sustained. Of courts, many of the puns you guys come up with leave me with contempt. When the law students come in here though, don't expect me to bail you out!
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posted
I understand that there are witches out there that have a potion guaranteed to help you beat any arrest. If you drink this potion prior to being apprehended your court case will fall apart due to improper questioning. I'm not sure but I have heard that the potion uses bats eyes and myrrh. I think the witches refer to it as the myrrhandeyes solution.
posted
Did you hear they arrested the confirmed bachelor? The charge--Contempt of Courting.
How about the arrest of the inventer of the portable electric spice rack. His charge--A Salt and Batteries.
Finally, the arrested the protesters burning their diplomas. The charge--Murder of their first degree.
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posted
Bob, you really slay me. If you didn't already have a ball and chain, I'd drag you before a judge so fast you'd be seeing bars...I mean, stars.
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posted
I'm going to go against the popular opinion in this post. It seems like the mandate (<-serious irony) of the day is bashing men. I'm here to sing their praises. I'm here to say men are wonderful, smart, sensitive, talented .... the list goes on and on. I'm afraid the law will be on me soon for this transgression. I even know what the charge will be, voluntary mans lauder.
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posted
You've surely shackled me with this prison pun thread. But Bob, Judge not, lest you be Judged for every man deserves a fair trial. Can all these objections be sustained? or is it Light's out for this thread?
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posted
There is a terrible tradition in England of taking leftover fish parts and making fish tea. It is so disgusting. No one will believe me, I know, but just take a whiff, and In a Scent I will prove there is Gill Tea.
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posted
Do any of you have a close friend or relative that keeps animals in their house? I have some friends that keep pets in their house year round. What I hate is the flea bites. What is even worse is their (the dog or cat owners) assertion that the house is devoid of biting critters. I've even had them accuse me, indirectly of course, of bringing the biting creatures in. I've had it. I'm filing charges the next time this happens. I know there has to be a "Fleaing and Alluding" charge.
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posted
My uncle claimed to be one of the most seasoned professionals in the court system. He was the bay leaf.
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posted
Did you hear about the golfer that was convicted of cheating? He was sentenced to life without par hole.
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Michael Landon was in television prison, having not found work since Little Joe. Fortunately, he received the Pa Role.
I'm sorry I've been delinquent in my duties on this thread. I'll have to plead for your pardon, as I've already spent too much time on the 'Rack.
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posted
What do they charge people with who stay up too late on Hatrack when they should be sleeping? Resisting a rest.
The man was shipping sick raptors across state lines. He was charged with Ill Eagle Trafficking.
There was a diva look-alike contest on Fox, but the panel was incomplete. There was no J-Lo contender.
Michael and his brother studied for a movie set in Las Vegas by working in a casino at a blackjack table. They were known as the Co-Cain dealers.
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posted
Harry Potter better be careful if he ever goes to prison and takes his Qudditch gear - they're pretty hard on snitches there.
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posted
Victoria Secret's model Amy was going down the runway in a new signature pair of panties, when she tripped, fell, and uttered a very loud "F&^%!" These panties will forever be known as the Amy Cuss Briefs.
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posted
I got tired of squatting on property I didn't have the rights to, so I took out a lease on an apartment. I now have a legal pad.
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posted
This thread seems the ideal place to preview my idea for a new cookbook that I would like to compile. I'm thinking that convicted law breakers need a cookbook. We have cookbooks for many other facets of society so why not ex or current cons. I've already picked the title, Convictuals.
I've already thought of a few entries and I would welcome any thoughts you all have as well. Of course if any of your suggestions are accepted you will be suitably recompensed.
posted
Well, I have this friend named Nin who has trouble winning at tennis, EVER. I played a set with him last weekend. We played seven games, and, miracle of miracles, Nine won one!!
edited to add two important "e's"
[ June 23, 2004, 07:57 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
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posted
My erudite neighbor tells me that I may be able to conscript a guest Lecter. Hannibal will be available to answer questions on Chapter 2 Slicing and Dicing as well as dinner etiquette. His featured topic will be; Entree, Making Guests Welcome for DinnerPosts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Apparently there was some error in translation. The afforementioned topic should be, Entree, Making Welcome Guests for DinnerPosts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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