I love women, but they ain't that interested in me.
The thing that trips me up tons is the fact that for about 15 years, I had amazing luck with someone amazing girls and women. For the last thousand days or so, it's been the oppositte.
I guess it's not the much diffrent, when I was a little chunky and 13 living the Dungeons and Dragons/ Star Wars Gi Joe Action figure-Video Game days, no girls wanted to kiss me.
I've got a belly, a lightsaber, and some of the greatest video game moments I could ever wish for, women don't want to kiss me.
it's like girls look at me and see this creature from another planet.
I subconsciously jumped off a cliff into the undateable waters, I'd like to dry off.
posted
HNN i've never had a date at all. I'd love to have one with a male or female. Doesn't matter as long as they are not annoying and don't irratate me. Really, this confession makes me feel like a DORK. What sort of video games?
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Well, if you really want honesty, you aren't bad looking. Is your personality in real life anything like it is here? You sound a bit nuts here, which is why I ask. Stoner's are fun when your in your late teens or early 20s, but after that, they are just pathetic losers. And playing with light sabers when you are a teenager, while still a bit odd, well, you can get away with it then, because you still have a lot of potential. Once you hit about 25-30 and are still living in your mom's basement, getting stoned and playing with light sabers, you're just sad.
And can I just say, I think you're kind of cute, but you are my general type, so. But your weight really has nothing to do with whether or not the ladies will like you. If you are uncomfortable with your weight, then it might be an issue, and if you were really overweight, it would probably hinder first impressions and whether or not a girl even wanted to bother getting to know you, but you don't look that overweight and if you are cool, the weight wouldn't matter. (Says the person whose husband could probably crush you like a bug.)
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I've been thinking for at least a year that Syn and Thor should get together. Seriously, you guys seem to me like you'd click.
I've seen pictures of Thor in social situations, and he does smile.
Thor, I'm not a woman, so I'm not really who you were asking, but I'll throw in my two cents anyway.
To what degree are you social these days? In addition to playing video games, are you going out and doing things that you enjoy in environments that are conducive to meeting people?
There for a while it seemed from your posts that you were feeling a bit depressed. Was I right in thinking that? If so, are you still generally depressed?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I am a lady, and I think Thor is very handsome (I am married, though, sorry buddy). He is artistic and slightly odd (which can be attractive).
What have you been doing outside of art and video games? Have you been going to school? Have you been working? Where do you go that you might meet other people?
I agree with the confidence/attractiveness formula. It's absolutely true. I was overweight all through highschool and college, and never lacked for dates. *shrug*
I don't know what you are like in real life, but I'm sure you are a perfectly nice person. Believe in your attractiveness, and you will *be* attractive.
Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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posted
You sound like my husband, and I think he's awesome. We got together when he was 28. I think he had about lost hope.
Stoners who play with light sabres are cool! Although I think Katanas and real swords are much more awesome. We have about a million blades here.
I don't have any advice on how to meet people, though. I met my husband online. I met ALL of my relationships online.. maybe that's lame, but whatever... I'm happily married now. Who cares how we met?
posted
I think I may be able to relate--for a long time I thought women thought I was an alien. It's really not true, though. Good women love to meet interesting people, and those that don't aren't your type anyway.
A really important part is not to be afraid to come out and say that you're a dork. I do it on a daily basis, mainly as a reminder to my girlfriend. Like fiber, it keeps me regular. There's a suprising number of women out there that are enthusiastic about dorks/nerds/propeller heads/etc or are at least neutral about it.
Another thing is to talk about what you care about (artwork, star wars, whatever else). Don't be afraid that they're going to think wierd things about you. If they do, they aren't the kind of person for you. If they smile and nod, you might have something special. If they're just as enthusiastic about such things as you, grab onto them and never, ever let go.
I second the comments about doing social things. Social activities allow you to connect with people and, by extension, members of the fairer sex.
posted
Syn's never had a date??? I don't believe that for a second. She's too cool to not have had a date. (((Syn))) Oh, and hang in there man, it'll happen.
Posts: 3003 | Registered: Oct 2004
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I don't remember how old Syn is off the top of my head, but I think Chris Kidd has her beat by a few years.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I grew up sort of sheltered, the opportunity never presented itself... And now neither guys or girls seem very interested in me right now... perhaps it's because I am TOO introverted because anyone, even goons like Rush Limbaugh who is just yucky can meet someone... It doesn't have much to do with looks, more like... chemistry... I wish I was a bit less shy at least. On July this girl I like a lot was just sitting on the ground talking to this other girl, forming a connection and it was a bit painful for me to watch because that never has happened to me yet. Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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I still haven't found a girlfriend, Though i've tried a lot. So, can you help me please, It's tougher than i thought.
The odds are pretty good, but the goods are pretty odd. Though at this point, I'll take anything you've got.
I see this all the time, Nice girls in love with jerks, What could they be thinking? Tell me how it works.
If i got some problems, Well i wouldn't be the first. But the ones I have in mind are even worse.
And even Hitler had a girlfriend, Who he could always call, That would always be there for him In spite of all his faults He was the worst guy ever. reviled and despised, Even Hitler had a girlfriend So why can't I? Why can't I?
Life is full of contradictions Hard to understand And for every happy woman, There's a lonely man
Nixon had his puppy. Charles Manson had his clan God forbid that i get a girlfriend.
Even Hitler had a girlfriend Who he could call his own, To sweeten days of bitterness, and feeling all alone
I'm not as bad as Hitler, But that doesn't mean a thing, Since they'd rather be with Hitler, more than me I don't see, why they'd rather be with Hitler, more than me.
posted
May I just second the "talk about things you like" point? Being enthusiastic about things is attractive. Really caring about something shows a part of your personality that "small talk" doesn't.
I hate beer. I think it is nasty, foul stuff. I went out to dinner with a professional brewmaster last week, and he was at his most attractive for the evening while talking about cleaning out the beer lines at the pub where he works. He was knowledgable and enthusiastic and passionate about his topic, and it made it (and him) interesting to me. (As a side note, never, ever drink the first pull of the day at a brewpub. Icky, icky, icky.)
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Thor, I don't feel I know you well enough to see anything you're doing wrong. There are girls who would be perfectly happy to date guys with lightsabers, or starving artists, or even aliens if they're sufficiently humanoid. It isn't true that you have to have a job to be attractive to every woman, though many will think it important. For some, it will be the reason you don't have a job that counts. If it's because you're throwing your heart and energy into something you love but won't get paid for, that's great and will be attractive to some women. It really only becomes a problem when the man is unemployed because he is lazy or keeps getting fired for things that are his fault, which I assume does not apply to you.
Here's the important part: The fastest way to make yourself unattractive to women is to be desperate for a girlfriend. They don't want to be merely a way for you to scratch your itch. If you'll go for anyone who's female and interested, you won't get anyone at all. Trust me, I've had a lot of desperate guys pursue me, and no matter how many other great attributes they have, it turns me off every time.
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I kind of don't like hairy men... Lunky is an exception, but hairy... no... Perhaps it's because I like women just a bit more. I can't really decide and it's confusing.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Well, beards do grow back quickly. I don't think there's anything weird-looking about Thor's facial hair, and can't see why it would be a problem. At any rate, you could try experimenting, Thor, and see if you get dates with a shaved face.
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
I prefer hairy men - let me say that from the start. And you remind me of a teddy bear. In other words, harmless. All good. (And yep, I'm married, too. To a geek. With a much wilder and much more out of control beard than you. Actually, he's looking more like a fundamentalist Muslim. ) Point being that geek ain't bad. I'm a geek.
Smile more if you don't smile much already. Smiles help hugely.
And why not try to expand your circle of friends and find someone in that circle? That can work. Like others have posted, get out and do things you already enjoy.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:As a side note, never, ever drink the first pull of the day at a brewpub. Icky, icky, icky.
um, okay. I won't then.
-o-
My wife gave me a lightsaber. How's that?
I'm pretty sure there's someone for everyone. The only thing I know is you need to be where things can happen, but you need to not try too hard to make them happen. And don't try to hide the things that make you weird.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Taking one's self too seriously is a major turn-off. Lighten up, let life flow and then flow with it.
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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Honestly, just be optimistic. If you're all gloom and doom, it turns off the ladies. You're not a bad looking guy, ya know. (I said before you looked like Jack Black, which is not an insult. He's a good looking guy and his manic energy is magnetic...)
Anyway, sometimes I feel like you do too. I guess I've just decided to leave those feelings of inadequacy behind me and concentrate on doing the things I love to do..
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I keep thinking romance will come to me if I fufill my dream of writing... Perhaps it will fall into place. Perhaps...
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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One point that hasn't been directly addressed is that you aren't looking for "a woman" you're looking for a certain kind of woman that's complimentary to you. You should be leery of changing your behavior too much to get a date, since a relationship with any longevity at all is based on honesty and communication.
For example, the first person I was in a long-term relationship had an unrealistic vision of me, and I had an unrealistic vision of her. I thought she was a very mature person because she handled a lot of responsibilities, and she thought I was selflessly devoted to her. When that relationship blew up it was very painful for both of us.
Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Thor, you're kind of cute, but I suspect you might be a bit too male for Syn. You are, however, daffy, relatively unaccomplished, and a bit emotionally needy; these three things reinforce each other, and if they're fed in the wrong way, they can produce this kind of forcefield of low self-esteem that allows germs and pizza through but repels all other forms of life.
You can recognize the symptoms of this in yourself, to see if I've got the right diagnosis: do you fall briefly in love with every semi-attractive woman with a bit of spirit and joie-de-vivre who seems to tolerate your presence? Do you hang around her hoping that she'll show an interest in you romantically, and wind up counseling her on her other romantic relationships (which are, in general, pathetically bad compared to the one you imagine you could have with her)? If so, I would recommend quitting women cold turkey for a while and concentrate on completing some large, mercantile project of some sort, so you can put it on your mental resume.
quote: You are, however daffy, relatively unaccomplished, and a bit emotionally needy; these three things reinforce each other, and if they're fed in the wrong way, they can produce this kind of forcefield of low self-esteem that allows germs and pizza through but repels all other forms of life.
I would think this even funnier if I didn't think I was the female equivalent of the male in your second paragraph... :/
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Yeah, my friend met her boyfriend on OKcupid.com. They became friends on AIM and then when they met it went so well that they started dating. Rather cute, actually.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Wish I could help ya, but I'm going on 18 years here myself. Dating has never appealed to me. I think my parents are starting to regret sheltering me as much as they have. I prefer to be alone...not in a negative, lonely, depressed kind of way, but in a, that's just when I'm happiest kind of way. Posts: 81 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I am reading this book, "The War of Art" by Stephen Pressfield, and re-reading Thor's post made me think of it. I think Thor should read it. It's got a lot of "snap out of it" statements that might help.
I know that it's making *me* feel guilty for making excuses about not writing (for example).
posted
A good way to meet people is to sign up for Friendster or start a blog on Xanga. These sites are not specifically intended for dating, so there is less pressure. You can meet all sorts of cool people there who share your interests. For example, you can try a 420-friendly blog ring on Xanga. Posts: 1592 | Registered: May 2000
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No, I haven't. I'm embarassed to say that I have not yet found an interest in historical fiction. Embarassed, because I *met* Stephen Pressfield and had to admit to him that I hadn't read his books. They are hugely popular here at West Point, though. I'm thinking of starting with his newest, "Virtues of War", because it's about Alexander, and I know a little bit more about the Greeks and Romans than I do about the Pelopennesians (however you spell that).
Did you know he also wrote "The Legend of Bagger Vance"? What a varied mind he has!
Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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Jexx, I did know that! I found it odd as well. I love historical fiction, but i do not love gory stuff, usually. My dad gave me the book thinking I would not like it, but I could not put it down. When I was near the end, I had to go out in the yeard and hide from the family, because I was sobbing so hard. I cannot remember when a novel hit me so hard, and I am a wicked softie.
(sorry to hijack thread, Thor! Leaving now!)
edit to say not odd, but surprising, that he wrote the Legend of Bagger Vance)
[ January 09, 2005, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
Farmgirl, I haven't actually met Thor, I've just seen pictures of him. Posted on Foobonic, if I recall. I actually haven't met *any* hatrackers, although I want to remedy that in the next 6 months or so.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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