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Author Topic: How many could you take...
Javert
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Ever wonder how many five-year-olds you could take in a fight?

Silly question? Yes.

Sillier premise? Yes.

How many can I take? Apparently 28.

It's very scientific.

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suminonA
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On an apparent scale from 1 to 39, I'm very close to the middle. (19) [Big Grin]

A.

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ClaudiaTherese
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28 here. *flexes

It's the flexibility. And I'm totally amoral.

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adfectio
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It's telling me I could take 25. Some of the questions were borderline for me. So I went with the more 'ethical' one. So If it came down to it and they were really trying to hurt me, I think I could take more.
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BlackBlade
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Bow to my might, I could take on 33 of the little monsters, no more, no less.

This reminds me of being a teacher's assistant for the summer school program. I went to recess with the kids to supervise them and got sucked into their games. Tag, didn't really work so they revised the rules which entailed that all of them would chase me, and if they caught me, they proceeded to beat on me. It was crazy hard to run, dodge, take down, and flee for 30 minutes straight, but those kids made me do it twice a day.

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Raia
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17. Alright.
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ClaudiaTherese
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BlackBlade, you must've been a smashing teaching assistant.

---

My first taxed income was as a go-monkey for a Chuck E. Cheese's / Showbiz Pizza Place. I spun cotten candy, worked the till, and shuffled melted cheese out to the masses.

I also had the lovingly memorable experience of regularly inhabiting a stale, spit-stained and very very heavy giant mouse suit. This could be fun, as I got to play unlimited skee-ball with frenzied kids coked up on sugar and caffeine.

However -- and this is a big however -- you had to keep moving very fast from the first break out of the back door into the entertainment center, since you would immediately become a giant toddler magnet. They loooove Chuckie, and they especially love glomming onto his legs in a death grip, one one top of the other, piling up like nobody's business. It was like walking through sludge.

And so one day I accidentally drop-kicked a toddler. No, seriously, it was accidental -- that eyeslit has virtually no downward view, and I was "walking" (shambling) at a very high speed. She ran into me and velcroed herself to my leg before I could stop the forward momentum. Alas, the velcro did not hold, and she went spinning.

I was sure she was dead, until she started crying. And then I was sure I was fired, possibly getting sued. That dad -- bless him! bless you, sir, and may you never have to stand in a line again! -- picked up his kid (crying out of startled fear rather than actual damage -- I checked, believe me) and said, "Look, honey, now you're making Chuckie cry."

And so I mimed big tears, and she wanted to hug it all away.

Awwww.

[Smile]

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aspectre
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502...apparently I'm a BAD gateway
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BlackBlade
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Holy crap Claudia, you just melted my heart into soup with that story. Aww....Awww....Awww. I know EXACTLY what you meant by children sludge. Can't kick em off, and prying each hand off is virtually impossible. Now here's the question, if that girl had been seriously injured and say the costume was getting in the way of you providing basic medical attention, would you discard the helmet/mask thus destroying her illusion of Chuck E. or would you work with the costume still on?

As for being a smashing teacher's assistant, it was the best job I ever had, bar none. But unfortunately I am positive that if I was a real teacher I would not be permitted to play with the kids during recess, far too many uptight people for that sort of thing.

I'll just have to settle for getting Mrs. BB to pop some kids out and play with them instead.

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Javert
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quote:
Originally posted by aspectre:
502...apparently I'm a BAD gateway

Refresh it. [Razz] Apparently it's quite popular.
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Eduardo St. Elmo
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My feeble physique falters @ fifteen kiddo's.

Say... my choice of words there gave me an idea for another website: "How many Beatrix Kiddo's could you take in a fight?" [Big Grin]

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ClaudiaTherese
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At the time I had only basic CPR training (college job), so unless her heart stopped, I would've been little use.

However, if the same situation arose now, I'd like to think my mad skillz could overcome the challenge of a big rubber tire around my middle and huge floppy fingers.

It's a good look for me. [Wink]

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Tammy
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What? Only 18? So I don't know Karate, but my moral compass is way off, I believe if they got me mad enough I could take way more!

"To hell with morality, I'd be too busy pile-driving, crane-kicking, and bare-knuckle bashing them all the way back to kintergarten."

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TrapperKeeper
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ROAR!!! 31 five year olds!

I was totally willing to pick one up one of those little snots and toss it into the others too! Those little snots better be pretty ferocious!

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Javert
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I just love that it's fighting toddlers that's bringing everyone together in this holiday season... [Wink]
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Rakeesh
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The secret is to poison their milk and cookies before the fight even starts, people. Sheesh!
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Tammy
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That's why I love this place. There's some seriously evil genius floating around here at all times.
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TrapperKeeper
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I think they need to upgrade their hosting.
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Mick from Mars
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Definitely. I can't wait to find out how many children I could take. It's been keeping me up at night.
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Launchywiggin
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I've definitely thought about this before. I think we've already crossed the line, so I won't mind taking it a step further. Survival is an important thing to think about.

I think, with the right strategy of attack, I could go against an infinite number of 5 year olds if I had sustenance. The key would be to stack unconscious bodies around you to slow the swarm, eventually creating a fortress. 5 year olds are barely strong enough to lift their own weight, so a good-sized fortress would give time for sleep while they break down the fortress. As for the initial attack, I think simply jogging around the basketball court would be ideal for taking down as many as possible--the key is to keep moving--a stationary fight would leave you overwhelmed quickly. A knee to the head/chest area of a 5 year old would put them down (if not out), so a steady, controlled, knee-first jog would do the trick.

Now I would pose another question: How many 6-year old Ender Wiggins could you go up against? Given his size, I think he'd have me at 4. I could take 3, though.

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Teshi
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quote:
Tag, didn't really work so they revised the rules which entailed that all of them would chase me, and if they caught me, they proceeded to beat on me. It was crazy hard to run, dodge, take down, and flee for 30 minutes straight, but those kids made me do it twice a day.
I hired a guy to help me run my Music Camp two years ago, and I don't know what it is about a willing participant in this, but all games soon devolved into this exact, um, game.

Eventually I banned it. It was getting too rough and my co-worker was actually experiencing pain- I didn't want any of the kids to get hurt, either. Also, we had my bosses watching from the building above, heh.

But would you believe it, it was the only thing they could remember at the end of the day and at the end of the camp. "What did you do?" "We beat up Peter!!!!11one"

And a year later, they were still remembering the same thing. Kids love it, because they don't get to run wild in packs anymore.

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Fusiachi
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Ok, I've not done the quiz just yet, but I'll give you my take on the issue...

The key is to terrify the kids so that they can't organize. The first few 5-year-olds need to be taken down brutally. No mercy. If 15 kids attack in unison, it could be tough to overcome... but if you scatter them a bit with fear, it's pretty much easy pickins.

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Hank
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quote:
Originally posted by Javert:
I just love that it's fighting toddlers that's bringing everyone together in this holiday season... [Wink]

Also, "The Fighting Toddlers" should be the name of our sports team, y'know...when we start one...
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Javert
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quote:
Originally posted by Hank:
quote:
Originally posted by Javert:
I just love that it's fighting toddlers that's bringing everyone together in this holiday season... [Wink]

Also, "The Fighting Toddlers" should be the name of our sports team, y'know...when we start one...
The Hatrack River Fighting Toddlers...

I call team captain!

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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by Teshi:
quote:
Tag, didn't really work so they revised the rules which entailed that all of them would chase me, and if they caught me, they proceeded to beat on me. It was crazy hard to run, dodge, take down, and flee for 30 minutes straight, but those kids made me do it twice a day.
I hired a guy to help me run my Music Camp two years ago, and I don't know what it is about a willing participant in this, but all games soon devolved into this exact, um, game.

Eventually I banned it. It was getting too rough and my co-worker was actually experiencing pain- I didn't want any of the kids to get hurt, either. Also, we had my bosses watching from the building above, heh.

But would you believe it, it was the only thing they could remember at the end of the day and at the end of the camp. "What did you do?" "We beat up Peter!!!!11one"

And a year later, they were still remembering the same thing. Kids love it, because they don't get to run wild in packs anymore.

I'm sure my kids would have remember only that exact same thing. I mean as a little kid I would have attacked non stop any adult willing to repel my attack, toss me in the air, and somehow lay me on the ground without hurting me at all. Most of those kids I don't think ever had their parents pick them up from the moment they learned to walk on their own. It still surprises me how many children think it's so novel to have an adult play airplane with them.

Do parents not toss their kids around these days?

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sylvrdragon
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Woot, I could take 25. I think it's the "Moral compass" part that put me up there, as well as being able to answer yes about the swarm fighting (Starcraft ftw).
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kmbboots
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The site is "temporarily disabled" so I didn't get my answer, but the questions fail to take into account my commanding voice and devastatingly intimidating raised eyebrow.

I have quelled whole classes of kindergartners without bothering leave my chair.

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Dan_raven
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quote:
if I had sustenance.
Come on, we are talking 5 year old kids--human Veal if you will. Sustenance is not an issue.

Some call it bruising. I call it Tenderizing the meat.

Same for building a defensive structure. What else is rigor-mortise for?

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Tammy
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Are you kidding me? Have you seen the size they're making kids these days? They're huge!
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jeniwren
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<quoteDo parents not toss their kids around these days?</quote>

My husband does with my daughter. But she weighs 35lbs so it's still do-able.

My 2 year old nephew hefts in at 45lbs (of solid muscle), though, and he wants Unka Woss to twow him up too, which verges on dangerous to my DH's continued good health.

Or maybe it's my continued good health. I about had a heart attack the first time I saw him do it.

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Elmer's Glue
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25! Now I have to go find a kindergarten class..
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scholar
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TrapperKeeper- I got 31 as well. When they asked if you feel comfortable using kids as weapons, I was confused as I thought it should be assumed.
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Saephon
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29. I love this thread. And CT's story absolutely made my day.


P.S. I really, really, really desire to make a flash game out of Launchywiggin's idea. Like Tower Defense, but with toddlers.

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Mick from Mars
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36.
Hell.
Yes.
Edit: I think my strategy would be to grab the tallest kid, then swing him or her around like a scythe, so that none could reach me. He/she can also be used as a projectile weapon (a la hammer throw).

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Starsnuffer
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Quote: The first few 5-year-olds need to be taken down brutally.

The mental images this created are horrifying. And the faces of the other children upon seeing those brutal take-downs are horrified.

Also- 29

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Lyrhawn
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21.

Kids are too cute to even jokingly say I'd massacre. Of course...after they ask for that sixth piggy back ride...my ability to deny the impulse to use one as a human nunchuk starts to fade.

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The Reader
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I can take 19 5-year-olds. Not good but not bad.

But I have a 56% chance of surviving a zombie attack.

When those five year olds have laser guns, martial arts skills, genius minds, and you are fighting them in zero gravity, you will be more willing to beat the up.

P.S., if any of us ever become politicians, this thread will bite us back so hard. [Evil]

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Eaquae Legit
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23 for me. I think it's my height and reach that give me that much, but if it came down to it, I could probably handle a few more.
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Starsnuffer
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A realistic assessment
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Samprimary
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Five year olds? God, what a morbid concept. They're five. They're small, have little muscle mass, have small limbs and an inability to grip very hard. A savate practitioner or something equally at home in close-in impacts and whacks could take out far more than this test could effectively measure.

Also how does it matter how high you can kick. A measure of flexibility? You don't have to kick high to crack skulls in a fight versus endless five year olds.

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Uprooted
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Sigh. I'm overweight, have short arms and crappy balance. And some compunctions.

Only 8.

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AvidReader
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I got 19 5-year-olds (the morals did me in), a 51% chance of surving a zombie attack (if Chet goes, I'm done for), and my dead body would get my family just under $5,000. Woot!
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The White Whale
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quote:
Originally posted by Raia:
17. Alright.

Same. Alright.
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ketchupqueen
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quote:
Originally posted by jeniwren:
<quoteDo parents not toss their kids around these days?</quote>

My husband does with my daughter. But she weighs 35lbs so it's still do-able.

My 2 year old nephew hefts in at 45lbs (of solid muscle), though, and he wants Unka Woss to twow him up too, which verges on dangerous to my DH's continued good health.

Or maybe it's my continued good health. I about had a heart attack the first time I saw him do it.

That's what the pool is for. In the pool, husbands can throw kids half their body weight without bodily injury. [Big Grin]
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Itsame
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31. Hell yeah.
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erosomniac
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I can take 31, but I'm upset that they didn't let me specify how I'd eliminate them.
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MightyCow
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28 kids, but 73% chance with the zombies.

I wonder how you would compute how many zombified kids you could take out?

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ricree101
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24. The moral questions really were a limiting factor here, especially the unwillingness to eye gouge and the like. That said, the actual numbers seem like they'd be far more appropriate if these were 8-12 year olds instead. Five year olds are pretty weak any way you look at it, and once you eliminate the likelyhood of a groin shot I really can't imagine 24 of them being able to take me down if I was actually willing to fight them.
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Noemon
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quote:
Originally posted by erosomniac:
I can take 31, but I'm upset that they didn't let me specify how I'd eliminate them.

Yeah--the real difference between a 5 year old and an aduly is the adult's ability to design and execute a complex plan. And I do mean execute.
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Alcon
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33 five year olds. I'm an in shape swimmer/frisbee player who's play starcraft, had basic martial arts training and has no moral compass when it comes to survival [Big Grin]
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