A month ago, when I noticed that I was nearing 20,000, I thought that I might have something different to landmark about. I wasnít exactly dating Ė can it be dating when you have not yet met? Ė but I was spending hours and hours each week on the phone with someone I was seriously considering marrying. It was promising enough that I was daydreaming and planning possible timelines.
Since then, we moved from not-exactly-dating to actual-in-person-dating to not-dating-anymore. But itís not really about the guy Iím not dating, or even about the fact that I wonít be marrying him. Or anyone else, right now.
Itís about the fact that Iíve discovered Iím really ok with that.
I donít agree with it anymore. While I would still very much like to find and marry someone I could have a healthy, stable marriage with, I have realized that being single is not so very terrible as all that. Because I could have married that guy. For him, being single IS so terrible that even a pretty ok marriage would be better than that. (At least, that seemed to be how he felt.) Even though I was not really what he had in mind (in some pretty significant ways), he so wants to be married, that he was willing to overlook many things (and try to change others, which is a whole other problem).
And I realized that I didnít want someone who settled for me. Who figured I was as good as he was going to get, and I was ok. And I certainly didnít want someone about whom I felt much the same.
Iím not as desperate to get married as I thought I was. I have a good job, wonderful kids whom I love and who love me, awesome parents, and supportive friends. I even have a job I like!
I have a good life. And thatís a pretty cool thing to figure out.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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And what a great actualization to come to... not many people accept that their life is good as is and lose out on that 'I'm me and I'm good enough as I am' feeling while searching for the ever elusive 'more'. How cool that you realized...
Posts: 1266 | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote: And I realized that I didnít want someone who settled for me. Who figured I was as good as he was going to get, and I was ok. And I certainly didnít want someone about whom I felt much the same.
Congratulations, rivka! I am definitely proud of your decision and resolution. I do hope you find someone without either of you settling and I'm very glad that you are content where you are for now. It's great being able to know you
Posts: 1158 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Uprooted, Bob may have slowed his posting rate, but so have I. Anyway, I doubt I'll ever catch up with Tom. And Dagonee has left me in the dust. I figure I might catch Katie, but that's mostly because she had that Lady Jane alt for a while. So it doesn't really count.
quote:Originally posted by quidscribis: And, um, is it my imagination, or is your thread title a direct take-off from a long-ago thread title by me?
quote:Originally posted by Noemon I've never been to Hong Kong, so I don't have any advice, but where are you going in SE Asia? How long will you be there? What'll you be doing there? I would *love* to be going to SE Asia. Well, certain parts of it, anyway.
Yeah, I suppose he did.
ETA: Nope, it wasn't...
quote:Originally posted by Lissande: This has to be the most backhanded "Dear Hatrack I'm getting married and moving to Sri Lanka" thread I've ever seen.