It's got a great hook, I think. There were things that made it hard to read. COMMENTS follow, with some [deletion suggestions in brackets].--
"How long have you been followed?”
Kaled settled his weight on the ground after dismounting, and turned to Aron. “What makes you think we’ve been followed?” he asked as Rhet took Saber’s reins to lead the stallion to a tether line [THE "AS RHET TOOK" BIT TOOK ME AWAY FROM KALED AND ARON AND I HAD TO READ THE SENTENCE AGAIN TO DETERMINE WHO SAID WHAT. YOU'RE CORRECT, BUT IT WAS WORK. IF IT'S IMPORTANT TO SEE RHET, MAYBE PUT HIM IN HIS OWN PARAGRAPH? OR OMIT HIM.]. Rhet flashed a discerning look between his king and the Mederan prince before leading the stallion away. [WHICH ONE'S WHICH? EVEN IF WE'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE READ VOLUME 1, A REMINDER WOULDN'T HURT.]
“We have seen the flashes of light you and your men were careful to ignore this afternoon.” [THAT'S PRETTY HARSH. HOW DOES ARON KNOW KALED WAS DELIBERATELY IGNORING THIS? WAS HE RIGHT? WHY WOULD KALED DO SUCH A THING?] Aron raised an eyebrow and canted a crosswise look at Kaled, his dark eyes gleaming [with understanding][I SUGGEST OMITTING "WITH UNDERSTANDING" SINCE KALED WOULDN'T KNOW THIS UNLESS HE'S PSYCHIC]. He might not have mentioned such suspicions and evidence to soldiers of untested scruples if he were in Kaled’s position. [OH. WE'RE IN ARON'S POV. BUT THEN HOW DID ARON KNOW HIS OWN EYES WERE GLEAMING? ALSO, SINCE WE STARTED MOSTLY WITH KALED, I THOUGHT HE WAS POV CHARACTER; I SUGGEST ESTABLISHING THIS EARLY] “My men and I are concerned about this, and about the possible threat to your safety. When did this begin?”
“Within my own borders.” Kaled could not deny what the Mederan troops had seen with their own eyes. [FIRST TIME THROUGH, I THOUGHT, WHOA -- HE WAS ASKING _ARON_! BUT NOW I GET THAT HE WAS PLAYING DUMB. BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY.] “Two of my men have tried to locate the observers and failed. [JUST 2? HOW DID THEY TRY? IF IT WAS BY LOOKING, I'D EXPECT MORE. IF BY SCOUTING, YOU COULD SAY, TWO SCOUTS TRIED...] We have no [tangible] proof [that we have been under scrutiny], and there have [so far] been no other signs that we have been in any danger. Still, the captain has kept a nightly watch rotation as a precaution.” [I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER WHY THE KING'S GUARD IS AFRAID OF SOMEONE ELSE! THIS ISN'T A CRITICISM. I'M PROBABLY SUPPOSED TO -- IT MAKES ME EAGER TO FIND OUT.]
[SMALL NOTE, MAY NOT MATTER: KALED IS A RACE FROM DR. WHO THAT GENERATED THE DALEKS (KALED SPELLED BACKWARDS), ONE OF THE IMPORTANT VILLIAN GROUPS IN THAT TV SHOW.]