Hi elilyn,Welcome to the Hatrack.
Don't be shy about posting(although I still get that way too) Bottom line is we are all here to help each other and learn. The more active we stay the better off we all are.
And, most important, please remember anything anyone says, is their opinion, and nothing more. Some are published in small ways, others in big ways. And some not at all.
My first thought was CRUNCH and tortured noise didnt ring as the same sound.
My second thought is we are going for Wilahm's pov, or point of view. If so, the second sentence, the young man's head... seemed like someone elses pov. I would suggest....sounded behind Wilahm. He jerked his head up...
My third thought--waking up or a dream is a rather cliched place to start. I dont mind it, it can be pulled off. Just make sure you feel its perfect and necessary.
Fourth thought, Looking around - this isnt necessary if we are strong in his pov. you can leave that out and have it. The meadow...
Fifth thought, "was" was tends to lead to less active writing. I try to limit them. Example. The sun was shining. versus --The sun shone down.
I am reposting your intro with my thoughts, just so you can see what I am trying to get at. I sometimes struggle finding the words.
INSERT WORD, a tortured noise sounded behind Wilahm. His head jerked up from where it was pillowed on his pack and he drew in a startled breath. He frequently came to this meadow to daydream. Today it seemed he had unknowingly progressed into a real dream. He struggled to remove the remnants of sleep from his mind. Slanting sunlight still filled the meadow, though the shadows of evening sought to claim the edge of the forest behind him.
I would suggest, continue writing your story, dont get to hung up on the perfect words for the beginning. The last thing you want to do is get bogged down. Most important part is keep writing.