posted
Please, if any of you could take a look at the whole 1st chapter, I would really appreciate it. (And if any of you have anything you'd like me to read...I'd be happy to return the favor.)
This is one version of my opening. Is it engaging? * * The first thing Tobias remembered was the darkness. The entire city lay sumbmerged in eternal black. The Nightcity, he called it, for it had no other name. Back then, neither did he; he remembered that very clearly. He was younger in those memories, about four. Unlike the other children he watched, he never feared the dark. The shadows had always been kind to him, talking to him, comforting him. They were all he had back then. Maybe he was one of the shadows, because people, real people, never talked to or looked at him. As if he were invisible. But then, one day, he woke up with a name and an identity: Tobias Miller. He always felt odd about being Tobias Miller. It never felt real. But was the Nightcity real?
[This message has been edited by gaijin17 (edited May 02, 2005).]
posted
I sorta like it. But you are starting out in flashback/backstory rather than with your narrative. That's always a red flag. On the other hand, what you're starting with is interesting in it's own right.
There is a major clarity issue. Is Tobias Miller his name as a shadow, or is it his name to the real world? Both are implied in some ways and discredited in others.