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Author Topic: Here We Lie ..... Currently at 10, 000 words
Zodiaxe
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One of the ideas I am toying with -- I am writing three books at the moment -- is a fantasy based account of the battle of Thermopylae,Greek for Gates of Fire. Thermopylae was part of the larger Greco-Persian war that ended in the destruction of the Persian fleet at the hands of the Athenian Navy and the rout of the Persian Army at Salamis.

The working title of the book, Here We Lie comes from a monument at Thermopylae, “Go young stranger passing by and tell the Spartans that here according to their laws we lie.”

The first few chapters of the book introduces you to the Lamodamon Peninsula, the books equivalent of the Greek Hellespont. Here you meet the Kalandarians, the books equivalent of the war like Spartans.

My problem with this is I am hoping the opening page snags a reader as the book appears rather dry as it is just a tour the Peninsula. And nothing major happens until the Mastinians (The Persians) start their march, which will not be anytime soon, as it so appears as I have not even started describing them yet alone mentioned them.

My fears may just be me writing for myself as I like action as is my other book, whose 13 I'll post some day, and this seems to be turning into a geography lesson. My other idea is to start with some sort of prologue, then lead into this.

The Melasian Plains of Kalandaria lie between the saw toothed Kalandarian Mountains to the west and the ominous Oronous Mountain chain to the east that loops southward, curling around the plains and ending in a labyrinth network of foothills.

Despite the Kalandarian city-state lying in the northern most region of the Lamodamon Peninsula, which is normally a brutal region during the winter months, the Melasian Plains gets relatively no snow due to the protection of the two large mountain ranges it is nestled between. The only entrances into the plains are from the south through the heavily guarded Oronous foothills and from the Taber pass in the Kalandarian chain to the west.

The Kalandarian people, a rugged warrior based society ruled by two kings

[This message has been edited by Zodiaxe (edited January 05, 2006).]

[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited January 05, 2006).]


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Calligrapher
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I love Greek mythology, but I think you have already identified your problem. The opening sounds like a geography lesson and I'm tuning it out. If there were some immediate action - maybe a battle - that also described the geography, I'd be more inclined to read.
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Zodiaxe
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The prologue I was thinking of will be a birds eye view of the battle of the Parthos Pass. Three hundred Kalandarians, wounded and dying and still digging deep down to find the fortitude in making a final last stand in hopes of slowing the Mastinian advance thus giving the other city-states time to organize and meet the Mastinians in battle.

I am thinking the prologue will be the dying thoughts of the main character. The rest of the book will be the events leading up to the battle and end coming full circle to the point where the main character, the hero falls mortally wounded.

Peace,
Scott

[This message has been edited by Zodiaxe (edited January 05, 2006).]


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NMgal
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I think you should begin with the march (the action) and fit in the descriptions along the way. It's a lot to ask a reader to devote several chapters to background information before getting to the meat of the story. Also, you could use a map to describe some of the geography of the regions. I like maps in books...I'm a visual learner.

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Jonny Woopants
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Sounds cool what your trying to attempt (or brave maybe).

Have you read Dan Simmon's Ilium? If you haven't I highly recommend you do. Although its more science fiction than fantasy its a brilliant take on the Iliad. Dissect Simmon's work, see how he seamlessly merges exposition with the thoughts and actions of his characters.

Just as suggestion. Good luck.


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Jessica
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You've done a great job of describing things. Unfortunately, I've had trouble absorbing any of the descriptions because there isn't a story with it yet. I really like your idea of starting off with the death of the MC. Just remember to make it clear that you've jumped back in time (I read this one book that started at the end and then jumped back, but didn't tell the reader and for the first few chapters I was completely lost. You'll lose the element of suprise when the main character dies, but I don't think that's anything to worry about. It sounds like a good idea.
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Zodiaxe
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I actually thought about starting with the march, but considering the politics and history involved between all those involved, things get a little confusing. Since this is historical fiction/fantasy, there is a previous war. There is a world domination issue as the Mastinians (Persians/Babylonians) are the ruling power and other countries are jockeying for position to court Mastinian favor. Then there are the problems with the Dresadia (Greek) city-states, some are bitter rivals and would consider the Mastinian invasion as payback to their rivals.

I'm not saying that starting with the march is not feasable but the politics simply complicates some matters. I was hoping to lay some those issues out with the tour. I am constantly re-writing certain pieces to ensure it doesn't read like a history book.

The action laden book, Delicate Balance, ws and is being written quite differently. The first three chapters were written back to back from outlines. The rest of the book was written in pieces, action here, action there, in fact the final scene was one of the first scenes written. All I am doing now is filling in the gaps. How do I get from this spot to this spot.

As for maps, heh, well I'm ahead of you, I'm working on that.

The slowest part of the process is the research. The names of the characters and the places will have a Greek or Mid-Eastern background.

Kaladaria: Loosely translated means snake in the grass. My ethnic background is Mexican and Native American. My mother was a Lakota Indian. I was born on the Rosebud Reservation in Chamberlain, South Dakota. The Lakota Indians (Sioux) derive the Sioux name from the Algonquin word Nadouessioux, which means little snakes.

Lamodamon: The Spartans were called the Lakedameons. Lamodamon is just a play on that word. In the book, the Kalandarians will also be refered to as the Lamodameans.

Mastinians: From the Greek phrase, mas-tid'-zo, meaning scourge of the people or to scourge the people.

Melasian: From the Greek word Melas which means black. The plains are named the black plains because of the smoke that raises from the foundries of the Kalandarian smiths.

Oronus: Greek for many horns, describes the jagged look of the Oronus Mountains.


Peace,
Scott

[This message has been edited by Zodiaxe (edited January 05, 2006).]


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Jessica
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A great website for getting names from different cultures is www.behindthename.com You can search for just Greek names or what ever else; they even have a place where you can type a meaning and see what names you get.
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Zodiaxe
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Thanks for the info. I've used that site extensively for the first novel, I needed Roman and Hebrew names.

[This message has been edited by Zodiaxe (edited January 06, 2006).]


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